Blog Post #21 Order in the Brain

Su. 3/23/2025

Today I tried to do the Substances assignment for Texturing, using Substance Designer. I couldn’t figure out how to make the material apply to the plane/cylinder, nor how to make it 3D. I wanted to get some progress on my Seminar project, so I will go back to Texturing tomorrow.

I went into Unreal and attempted to create a workspace and repository for the Viewfinder mechanic replication project, but apparently only a few people in my program have the ability to create new repositories. I messaged one such person, requesting that he create one, and add me to it. 

It was already getting a bit late (it’s 9:03pm now writing this), so I couldn’t afford to get into a big part of any project. So, I wrote and submitted an application for the Epic Megagrant! It wasn’t that involved. And while I don’t have a demo to share— since it’s still in the concept phase— I think I provided as good an application as possible without a demo! I’ll paste my responses to the questions below. It’s about my Seminar project, and requesting funding for summer efforts on it. 

Elevator pitch: I am developing the core mechanic for my larger thesis project in which the player can "smear" the 2D image of the 3D environment with a weapon refraction trail, in a painterly, whimsical adventure setting.

Full project details: It's a bit hard to grasp, and I do not have a demo of it yet, unfortunately. My plan was to replicate the photograph mechanic of Viewfinder (2023) and pair it with the refraction weapon trail of the player character, which is seen from an intimate 3rd person perspective, similar in position to God of War (2018). I’m still working on replicating the Viewfinder mechanic— I found a tutorial series on YouTube for doing so in UE5, and I’m just troubleshooting some errors that came up in its development. I did recently create the refraction weapon trail— though I will be altering it more to look less gelatinous and more like brush strokes. The weapon trail functions with a series of screen-facing planes. I experimented, and found that 16 planes (the maximum) creates the minimum amount of visible lines between planes. Since the Viewfinder mechanic uses vectors to outline a rectangle— cutting where the edges of that rectangle come in contact with the 3D environment, and then superimposing the procedural elements captured in the “photo” back in another spot of the map— I am planning to simply make the planes of the weapon trail as the rectangles of the “lens”. They will “cut” and “place” almost instantaneously. The biggest challenge of the mechanic is factoring in the refraction aspect, so that the colors, shadows, and shapes caught in the trail are “smeared”, like wet paint— creating new geometry. This will take significantly more effort and research, but I am certain that it is possible. 

A clear example of the functionality of this mechanic is as follows: You are controlling the pumpkin-headed warrior through an environment combining rainforest and swamp, and come across an impassable cliff face. To reach the objective, you will need to scale this smooth surface. There are trees to the right. Using this mechanic— called “alla prima” after the Italian term for wet-on-wet painting— you swing your giant honeypot stirrer club so that the refraction weapon trail starts on the trees and ends on the cliff face. It “smears” the colors of the trees onto the cliff face, creating handholds for you to use to scale. 

“Alla prima” will also be used in combat. Boss-level enemies, titled “Formidables” will be invincible until you, as the player, accrue enough “Inspiration” to power “alla prima”, swinging your club, and dis-integrating the enemy. 

The next steps of the project are troubleshooting the Viewfinder mechanic, then deconstructing it to “capture” through the “lens” of the weapon trail, and then making it “place” the “photos” after an infinitesimal pause. After that comes the real challenge— making the refraction of the weapon trail actually alter the geometry of the environment.

I intend to work over the summer on developing this mechanic, as well as doing the 3D modeling of key characters, including Sir Babbage, the pumpkin-headed warrior. (He has honeycomb arms and heirloom carrots for fingers.)

Next school year, I will be leading a Studio team in taking the characters and “alla prima” mechanic, and implementing them in a functional demo. I am also designing a 3D spatial inventory system— like 3D Tetris— where the player has to efficiently place items in the space of the player character’s rucksack; there won’t be quantitative stats, instead, a “tag” system (like “poison”) tied to objects in the character’s possession will grant qualitative buffs (like the aforementioned “poison” tag of a toxic mushroom buffing the character’s attacks, imposing a poisoned condition upon those struck). The 3D spatial inventory is the functional limit to the player character’s abilities. 

Please tell us about some of the unique features of your project.

The “alla prima” mechanic is the prize jewel of the project. After that in significance is the 3D spatial inventory system, tied to the qualitative “tag” system, detailed above. 

How do you plan to use the funds for the project? Please include a high level budget (i.e., $x funding for developer training, hiring UE engineers, etc)

The majority of the funds will go towards living expenses of myself and a prospective team, so that we can continue to work on the project during the summer. At this time, only I am included in those expenses. I am applying to live on campus over the summer, which will cost $3,500 for June through August. I am also requesting $94.99 for the EnGore Procedural Dismemberment product on Fab— in the larger project, there won’t be health points; instead, every enemy will fight as long as they have the limbs to allow for it.

So, I am requesting a total of $3,594.99. Since I do not have a concrete team, outside of myself, this is as specific as I can get with the current information.

Now, the website for the Megagrant says that I’ll hear back in mid-June, which is a bit late— after the summer will have already started— but I’ve been saving up my school refund and I should be able to pay at least the first month’s rent for on-campus housing over the summer. I will be applying to other grants, as well. I’d love to be over- funded. That’d be cool. And then, I could pay my peers to help with the project, as well! Griff has expressed interest, but he never gave me a price for his labor— and I didn’t want to sleep on grant apps— so I only factored in myself for the Megagrant application. Dillon says that he can rig any models I make, and that he doesn’t need funding— at least, for during the summer. And Daniel has also expressed interest in helping with the UI/UX aspect— I have not received any funding requests from him, either. 

I had an idea of a UI indication of the “Inspiration” resource! I’m going to pitch it to Daniel and see if he can make it a reality. I’m thinking that there’ll be a circular vignette around the center of the screen (centered on the player character)— but instead of being dark (like most vignettes are), it’ll be a luminous, pulsing aura of light, that will fill around the circumference and become more apparent as the player accrues “Inspiration”. I think it’s a cool metaphor for the creative process; the world will become more well-lit the more inspired the character is. I also don’t think that it’ll be overly-busy, visually. Oddly, I’m thinking of a rhythm game at a Barcade in town— it’s circular, and you have to touch the rim of the circle in time with specific notes. 
I think I’m going to brainstorm for my D&D oneshot for, maybe, 20 minutes? I definitely want to bring that into my daily work— I’d love to run the session before summer, so that maybe we could have more sessions, continuing the story, during the summer.

F. 3/28/2025

I went to MACD today to meet with an undergraduate interested in my Praxis project, and to work on my overdue Texturing assignment. Both endeavors were successful! I made these— a janky old wood material and a jank gnome’s brick material. I am pleased with both! And I only spent like three hours today on it! I did start the brick one last night.

“Janky Gnome’s Bricks”

“Janky Wood”

I also have been messaging with Kaylin, the professor leading Thesis next year, because I had an idea about expanding my thesis. This is what I sent her regarding it:

Ok so it’s a lot. I want to research how to optimize a creative lifestyle for neurodivergent people. BUT I want to convey that information through prose— in the form of a gamebook (like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book, but with more complex mechanics), which I want to print and bind myself using traditional bookbinding practices.

She’s waiting to hear back from Amanda and the dean— the people who will ultimately decide if I can graduate— regarding the gamebook aspect. Something that I did not know, that Kaylin informed me of, is that our theses are supposed to connect to our praxis projects. Mine definitely will— I just had to explain how: 

Well I’ve struggled this year with creative productivity as a neurodivergent student, and my Studio project is more ambitious than anything I’ve done this year, so I’d be applying my research to the process of creating my Studio project.

If the gamebook aspect is approved, I will start research this term (when I have time), and intend to complete said research early in the summer, so that I can start on the gamebook aspect. The idea is to have an interactive story that teaches what I will have researched. A benefit of this approach is that I will be able to apply my research to my creative endeavors from the very beginning, including Praxis. And it’ll show the spirit of the MFA program, instead of just telling information in an essay; it is “Interactive Media”, after all.

I love thick books. I would love for this gamebook to be rather wide. If I write six pages a day over the summer (manageable, I think, if I have prepared beforehand), three months (90 days) will net 540 pages. That would be quite the accomplishment. I think six pages a day is manageable, because I was writing three pages a day for my sister’s The Artist’s Way community, and that took only half an hour each day. Of course, a gamebook is much, much more than a traditional piece of prose fiction. I have some ideas for the mechanics— I’m thinking about having the stats from Elegy, my trading card TTRPG that I developed a couple of years ago (Mortal, Social, Ghostly, and Occult), with pre-gen arrays that the reader can pick from at the start of the book— different arrays will grant specific boons depending on which stat it has a 1 (the lowest) in, and will allow for different playstyles.

For the actual premise of the plot, I’m leaning towards my The Mouldy Underpass story— I think I wrote about it last post— a consignment store in San Diego sells magical artefacts and secret information. The protagonist is new to the “privileged” world, a world of magic and monsters, kept secret through the binding contracts protecting information on consignment. But when a new piece of information is presented to the store— information relating to a slew of murders stumping the “priv-less” police— how will our young new clerk handle the responsibility of the information that he is privy to, all while people whom he knows start to die?

A benefit of this premise for the thesis gamebook is that it has intrigue, and thus plenty of options, but is also not overly complicated. The premise is actually quite simple. And it would be easy to write, since I’m familiar with San Diego. 

Regarding the feedback that I received after my Seminar presentation this week— regarding the future of alla prima and how it can be achieved— I looked into “vertex shaders”; that’s not going to work, I don’t think. I’m also going to look into “computer vision” (not really sure what that is), and “image to mesh/geometry”; the latter seems promising— it seems like I could just take the image of the refraction weapon trail and generate new geometry based on that. Seems like it might require AI, which I’m honestly fine with, because it’s not like I’ll be using it to generate assets that a human could’ve been tasked with making; it’ll be just for distorting the environment. 

…

I started doing a new journaling practice, which is in line with my thesis proposition. Before yesterday, at the end of every day, I sat down and wrote answers to the following six questions:

1) What excited me today?

2) What drained me of energy? (I stopped doing this one relatively recently; it was bumming me out.)

3) What am I grateful for? (Three things.)

4) What magic did I witness today?

5) What did I learn?

6) Was I better today than yesterday?

But yesterday, I was endlessly scrolling, and came about this YouTube video, aptly titled “The only thing that stopped me from infinitely scrolling”. It described a journaling practice that I have started implementing. Per that video, whenever I feel an urge to go on my phone, I instead take out my journal, and I write— I write down the time, the catalyst for the urge, and that I felt an urge to go on my phone. For example, today at 6:43pm, I was “waiting for burrito to cook; felt urge to check phone.” I started doing this yesterday, and I had quite a few incidents just in the evening alone. 

Next, I am replacing my six questions with the following:

• Storyworthy (write about one thing from the day that was worthy of being in a great story).

• AMWAP (write down As Many Wins As Possible from the day).

That bit was the “Review”; I follow it with “Preview”. I write down all of the tasks that I could hope to accomplish the next day, then I write “3 Key Tasks”— three of the aforementioned tasks that must be completed in order to make the day a success.

Like my proposed thesis project, this shows whether a day was successful, instead of me just asking the barebones question, “Was I better today than yesterday?” It also sets me up for success better. I’m definitely going to include that video as inspiration in my research— for neurodivergent people, stimulation has to be carefully controlled, because we are 1) more susceptible to stimulus, and 2) over-stimulation can be taxing for us— resulting in a dopamine spiral of either indulging in more pointless stimulation, or a forced recovery period where productivity is not beneficial nor feasible. 

…

I didn’t get a chance to look more into researching for alla prima, and I am going to be getting ready for bed soon, but there is one more thing that I wanted to write about. I’ve never been a big gamer. Sure, I played Wii as a kid, and occasionally borrowed my high school friends’ 3DSes when they wanted a break from Super Smash Bros during lunch, but I never played many games. One of my favorite games to this day is Bosconian, a 1981 Namco gem— and that fact just represents how few games I’ve played. I also, since starting this MFA program, have indulged in a habit of purchasing new games, despite not having time to play them, in addition to having an increasing list of unfinished games. So, I’m dedicated to whittling away at my playlist. I made this live document, which I will reference as I decide which games to play, and in what order. Here’s what I have right now.

The Forever Winter ★★★

Sept. 24th, 2024

Steam

$29.99

South of Midnight ★★

April 8th, 2025

Steam

$39.99

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 ★★★★

April 24th, 2025

Steam

$49.99

Blades of Fire ★★★★

May 22nd, 2025

Epic Games Store

$59.99

Hell Is Us ★★★

Sept. 4th, 2025

Steam

$49.99

Crimson Desert ★★★★

2025

Steam

?

Games to finish

Hogwarts Legacy ★★

Final Fantasy XVI ★★

No Rest for the Wicked ★★★

The Thaumaturge ★★★

Cyberpunk 2077 (the Phantom Liberty DLC) ★★★

Avowed ★★★

Red Dead Redemption 2 ★★

Mad Max ★★

The stars represent my current excitement to play the given game. Wait hold up, I don’t have Bloodborne on there. Let’s see.

Bloodborne ★★

I’m resisting temptation to buy The First Berserker: Khazan, because I’ve heard that it has really satisfying controls— which I want to be true of my praxis.

Oh! One final thing. Yesterday, before watching that fateful anti-scrolling video, I watched this video, “15 Tips That Will INSTANTLY Improve Your Playing in FromSoftware Games”. Ever since I first heard of Bloodborne or Elden Ring, I’ve wanted to be “gud” at souls-likes. I just never had the skills to allow for any prolonged playing of them— which, ultimately, disallowed improvement. But that video had some really good, basic tips that I am eager to put into practice. One of my favorite visual artists, Crom, a London-based comics and tattoo artist, had a bunch of Elden Ring linework around the time the game came out, and I wanted to be just like him. Or like that other guy on YouTube, who filled a 1,000 page sketchbook with watercolor art from his playthrough. 

Ok I really need to just publish this. I’ll write more, sooner.

Blog Post #20 Deep Thoughts

Sa. 3/15/2025

I’ve been doing Morning Pages. From The Artist’s Way. My older sister is leading a Discord server in the 12 weeks detailed in the book. I haven’t read the book, nor done much related to it, but I did start writing three pages of anything most mornings. 

Let’s begin.

I can’t change the past. So I can’t make myself have gotten up earlier today. What I can do is provide positive reinforcement for the beginnings. I got up around noon today, and instead of reinforcing bad behavior by feeling badly about it, I started my morning routine. I stretched, I meditated, now I’m writing. When I’m done writing, I’ll read. I haven’t checked my phone. I haven’t listened to anything at all. I wish that I could’ve seen the sunrise. But the sun will rise tomorrow, and every day after. 

The farmer’s daughter was named Angelise. Were she and her father in the Epilogue? They must’ve been. But do people have children in the Epilogue? How could that be? Or perhaps, the farmer, his daughter, and the tragedy that befell them occurred in the Mortal Realm, and the response to the tragedy was so potent that the Epilogue responded, creating a champion of vengeance to try and right the wrong. And Angelise would then be in the Epilogue, because that’s where dead people go. So Sir Babbage is roaming the realm, searching for the culprits— but the plot twist is that he might encounter the living spirit of Angelise, alive now in this fantastical realm. Or he might hear of a hexling bearing her description— long before encountering her. Once he hears of her, the quest could be trying to find her.

I like that. 

How can I make the “smear” of alla prima affect the “image” captured? That is going to be the biggest challenge, I believe. 

Sangamore. There’s a street called that near Oly’s dorm building. It stuck in my head for days after first seeing it; I did not write it down— I just couldn’t seem to forget it. My memory’s been markedly better recently. I think it’s because I’ve been prioritizing my focusing power, and training my memory by forcing myself to; I often hold ideas in my head for a time before writing them down.

I’m excited to play No Rest for the Wicked. It has an intriguing stylized art style that I’m considering replicating for Pareidolia: Unbound. Not super painterly, but similar. And the shadows and hues are exaggerated, but not overly done. Also, the environments are verdant and varied, and no procedural generation is used— which isn’t really necessary, but it’s a nice philosophy to use; every pixel is created by hand, which is a level of craftsmanship that I appreciate. 

I’m going to record most of Macbeth’s lines today. I still need to read them. I also need to do the House texturing assignment. It’s late. I need to rewatch the part of that lecture from over a month ago, to figure out an easier way to create tiling textures. I’m also going to make more Bitchin sauce. I got soy sauce, which should add that extra touch that liquid aminos lacked. I’m going to start with one bag of almonds, so that I have the second to add per necessity— regarding the flavor and texture. It’s almost 1pm.

I want to write something. In Writer’s Camp, we wrote freestyle for 15 minutes at the start of each day. I didn’t have trouble with it, back then. I just need to train myself to do that again.

I get to play Baker Gyld again tomorrow. I set a copy of Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost atop my dice bag. I’m going to gift it to Liz. 

I really hope that No Rest for the Wicked isn’t too challenging. It does say in the description that it’s a “precision combat” game. It has a different perspective than what I’ve been playing. Still 3rd person, but zoomed out and from above, at an angle. I’m going to play a melee build. I think that’ll be easier with that perspective. In FPS games and, even, closer perspective 3rd person games, I tend to play ranged builds. I struggle especially doing melee in FPS games. But the perspective of No Rest is reminiscent of that game that I played as a child whenever we had to go to Best Buy or Staples. I would camp out in the computer section for the duration, and grind through level after level of dungeons of this game, the title of which I forget. It was kind of a hack n slash. 

I really do want to catch up in Texturing. But I fear that it will take a few more assignments. This current assignment is about creating textures in Substance Designer, a node-based program that absolutely baffles me. How do you create the shapes that eventually form the basis for the texture? It’s ridiculous. 

I introduced myself as Mori at Ninja Warrior training this past week. As I was leaving, Coach Eric said, “Bye Mori!” and I felt an odd expression— surprise, or shock?— cross my face, before realizing that he was talking to me. I wish that I had introduced myself as Moribund, but I feared that it would be too strange. As if I tend to care about being perceived as strange.

T. 3/18/2025

Finding Mason was always supposed to be a backup, to guide me to who I was— in the event that I received another serious brain injury, and forgot myself. But that presupposes that I know who I am. But I’ve spent the past ten years developing my social skills. And that practice was ultimately other-oriented. It was all about making myself someone that everyone could love. It wasn’t about making myself someone that I could love. What would I be like if I had spent those ten years developing me. I recorded a voice memo recently in a new voice, saying that, ultimately, there’s a sharp difference between Being Loved and Being Worthy of Love. And often, they’re mutually exclusive. I talked about how if my dad drastically altered who he was, so that we could love him— I still wouldn’t love him. Because no one should have to change who they are at their core to be loved. And that that change would be desperate; it’d be about feeling not good enough. Not everyone is worthy of everyone’s love. But the people who are worthy of my love— and the people who will come to know the Me That Loves Me— are the ones who are. I’m not sure if that makes sense— or would make sense— to anyone except me. But I know it. 

And a large part of this Morning Page practice is in developing that Me That Loves Me. Because if I know one thing about Who I Am, it’s that creativity matters to me. And Morning Pages will help develop my creativity. It’s also about losing my creative filter. It’s about writing what’s on my mind, when it’s on my mind, because creativity is all about the moment; it’s all about the Self. No one can create what another Self creates. I’m not saying that “no one can create what another person creates”— because that’s done all the time. But what a Self creates? Well, you can’t imitate that. Or rather, you can imitate it, but you can’t replicate it. Because a Self is individualistic. There’s that old adage of modern art: someone skeptical sees a dot and a line painted on a blank canvas, and says, “I could’ve done that, but this piece is worth a thousand bucks.” But yes, they could imitate it; they could make it— but could they make it matter? Could they make it matter to themself? Could they imbue the meaning of the original artist into it? Obviously, no. 

I have this philosophy that if I knew everything about a songwriter— everything about their life— I could predict the next song that they write— every line; every word. It’s the same thing about how you could unravel the depth of the universe from just one cell. Everything about how the universe works, you could infer the rest of life. 

But, A) it’d be impossible to know everything about anyone— it’d take an entire life just to study that, in real time, and B) you’d have to know everything about the universe just to predict that one song. Because even if you knew all of the personal details about a songwriter, you’d never be able to predict the external stimulus— the inspiration— that makes them write that next line. You can tell the entirety of the universe from just one cell, but you can’t tell one line from 99% of the universe. Because creativity is not about the Self, not really.

Creativity is about how the world influences the Self. 

I’d thought about being ready for a relationship. I’d thought that I’d never be ready. I’d started my current relationship, and, about a week in, I entered a depressive episode. It wasn’t related; that just happens to me pretty regularly. Like clockwork. And in that episode, I thought— “I’m unfit to be in a relationship.” But, like clockwork, that bell will chime regularly throughout my life. So I will never be “fit” for a relationship. Not with that mindset. 

I’d thought that I needed to see lots of people to “find myself.” I’d thought that I needed to see the entire world, and that limiting myself to just one person was unrealistic. But I really can find myself through singular dedication. It’s breadth versus depth. But not even that; because just because I’m in a relationship with one person, that’s not my relationship with the world. I am not one relationship. I am not one person. I am not one blade of grass, rustling in the wind. I am that singular cell that can describe the entirety of the universe just from its laws of physics. 

I started introducing myself as “Moribund”, “Mori” if you’re feeling familiar. Some people respect it— remember it— some people call me “Mason” still. I’m fine with that. I think that I’m still trying to “find Mason”, even going by “Moribund.” I’m trying on this new pair of identity jeans, seeing if they fit, because the legs underneath? Well, they matter more than the fiber arts that clad them. 

But who is Mason?

I’m still trying to figure that out. “Still”, as if I haven’t just started. In reality, I have just started. 

It’s the “Mason” that is the legs beneath those identity jeans. “Identity” is, in essence, performative. Who we are changes with each person who perceives us. And “us”? That’s an external perception, as well. But, I believe, that there’s something to be said about dedication to the craft. Weaving those jeans, harvesting the cotton— pricking my thumb on the sharp stalk of the plant— immersion is the way to go. Whenever I write a D&D campaign, I do everything. I write the plot, I write the homebrew mechanics that create the characters, I do the voices, I manually craft the 3D battle maps, and the world that houses them. And in doing everything, I am, therefore, prepared for anything. When I say that I “write the plot”, I outline the external factors that will influence the Player Characters. That I know so much about the motivations of the NPCs, that I am prepared to pivot their actions in response to the PCs’ actions. It’s not railroading; it’s worldbuilding the nation through which the railroad runs. 

Now, how do I immerse myself in “Finding Mason”? 

I think a majority share is similar to building those NPCs. 

That I need to know the world first, and then the motivations. Motivations of how the globe turns. How the sun shines. 

In this analogy, am I an NPC or a PC? Am I a DM? 

Is it more empowering to be a PC or a DM?

Is it about being empowered?

Who has Player Agency? 

Val recently released a video on that subject, and how the GM taboo of seizing Player Agency might not be black and white. It might not always be wrong. Because if the GM portrays the response of your Player Character in a way that is true to that character, that’s still consistent with the Player’s will. 

About that. I have a Player, Nathan, who developed a semi-religious order called “The Sun’s Will” for our Oulde World oneshot. It’s crazy, because Nathan related “will” to the two primary meanings of the word— motivation and an endowment— and based the origin myth of the order to that— saying that the sun endowed the order with the purpose and the power. But what’s actually crazy about that, is that I had written in my commonplace journal, months ago, that dichotomy of “will”. And Nathan came in, and used it. I hadn’t shared that note with anyone. 

I wonder if writing a will for myself could empower me. Could I endow myself with certain boons, and feel the sacred duty of carrying them forward? Could I move forward with my life, having received those boons, and do justice to the person who gifted them?

Who would have done the gifting?

In the Mindvalley meditation that I’ve done most (I forget what’s it’s called, but it’s about six prompts that Vishen guides us through), Vishen finishes with having some “higher power” protecting us, guiding us, through our day. He says that for atheists, we can imagine some older version of ourselves looking down on us, endowing us with protection and guidance. He has us imagine a sphere of power encircling us, drawn by that higher power. 

I always had trouble with that bit.

Because I can’t imagine myself old. 

I can’t imagine aging.

I can’t imagine dying.

For someone like me, who doesn’t experience time linearly, the Future doesn’t make sense.

For a couple weeks, a long time ago, I was obsessed with ensuring that my mom never dies. I went to the library, and I checked out an armful of books on religion, metaphysics— anything that could help me. The key, I thought, was releasing ourselves from that linear time. My mom actually asked me recently if I believe in reincarnation, and I said “no”. Because I don’t believe in death. Now, I’ve known people who have died, but it’s like reverse object permanence. They’re still here. I’m still here, and they only ever existed through my perception of them. And if I can still perceive them, then that Boolean remains true. Immortality then, is about sight. And boy, can I see.

W. 3/19/2025

I have begun to notice that I fall back— lazily, sloppily, even— upon the idiomatic phrase, “fuck it”. And from a mere objective, semantic basis, “fuck it” doesn’t have much going for it in terms of merit. The whole presupposition is that things are already bad, so saying “fuck it”, I’ll do this [anyways] could not, would not possibly make it worse. And I’ve heard my inner voice saying those two words with increasing frequency. And it’s always regarding things that aren’t good for me.

I had this other idiomatic phrase, ages ago. “I’ll take any opportunity...” But the difference was that I ended that phrase with “to improve myself”. See, from the first half, one would reasonably assume that it was on the same moral level as “fuck it”. But I took that semantic level of weakness, and I turned it into strength. And it worked. For a time. 

So how can I take “fuck it”, and turn it into something good? Because it’s already there in my mind. It’s already asserted squatter’s rights. Resisting it is a sure way to ensure that it persists. But if I can add a choice handful of words to transmute the immoral crutch of that phrase, and turn it into something that props me up... well, that’s where the magic happens. 

I could combine the two.

“Fuck it, I’ll take any opportunity to improve myself.”

I could just alter the meaning.

“Fuck it.” I’m choosing strength. I’m choosing growth. Would that work? Could it, when “fuck it” already has such negative connotation in my mind?

…

The sun is rising. 

I didn’t sleep last night.

But I finished Mercutio’s [fabric] clothes, and the overdue Texturing house assignment. 

And I do not feel well. I would like to go to Ninja Warrior training this evening, but I fear that my legally-drunk-equivalent brain would not be safe driving there. Which sucks. Because I didn’t go to improv Monday, either. So I’m not really taking care of myself. 

Th. 3/20/2025

Disclaimer: It’s not the morning. It’s 6pm. I just didn’t do it when I woke up (around 1:30pm) because I felt like being more active. So I made breakfast, I washed my face, and I went grocery shopping.

I don’t know. I don’t feel creative. To be fair, I spent the past half hour watching random, meaningless YouTube videos. I tell myself, I say, “The longer I can go without looking at my phone, the more power I gain.” But then one click turns into a minute, then 10, then an hour, and the next thing I know, I’ve drained my soul— the last dregs of hopeful productivity swirling dimly as it departs. I need to remember to publish a blog post tomorrow. I also need to get up significantly earlier, because I have a psychiatry appointment at 9:45am. I am dedicated to staying up afterwards. I spent $8 on healthier cereal. I was motivated to get up because I thought that I’d get Special K Red Berries cereal at the store. But it’s not healthy. So I got Three Wishes cinnamon cereal, which costs over twice as much. And I ate a bowl, but did not feel the inexorable drive to eat the entire box. Weird how that works— except not really, because Three Wishes is healthier, less sweet, and therefore, less addictive.

I really want to go back to those two or three days of getting up really early. It felt excellent. 

And I really must. I slept for around 24 hours between yesterday and today. I went to bed after I got home from class, around 2:30pm, I woke up around 8:30pm, washed my face, then went back to sleep, and slept until 1:30pm. I don’t feel good. Physically, my throat hurts. It was difficult to swallow the juice that I had with breakfast. It felt like my uvula was suffocating me. 

I really want to write a good story. I’m spending all this time writing— and I know, it’s not about producing a product— but I want to write a story. 

“Sonderless”. An undead creature created by the living’s incomplete, nostalgic memories of the passed.

I’m reading my lore notes for Adam’s studio project. I didn’t propose it to him, but I had thought of a better name than “Archived”— which, frankly, doesn’t make sense, and is lackluster. The name’s “Bound”. A book is bound; a spirit is bound to a place. Just like Edward. I don’t know if Adam is using anything that I wrote for the project. I suspect not. Which sucks. I put a lot of work into it— and, more importantly, it’s actually really good.

Anyway, I’m going to play a game tonight. That is a must. I’ve bought too many games and haven’t played most of them. 

…

Let’s brainstorm story ideas.

• The Mongrel Sings. A castrated boy is used for his “songbird” gifts.

• Something in a swemp.

• The Pearl Manor story, with paranoid students and teachers alike being immersed in a mysterious setting. 

• Something with werewolves.

• Something related to Oulde. 

• A monster hunter. 

• A magic system where “magic” is called “guile”.

• Something in the Oulde setting— mixing Dark Sun, Wild West, and Mad Max.

• A pirate story.

• Something about Chance Gamble, at your service. Disgraced noble turned mercenary for hire. A witch kissed me and gave me a map with an ‘X’ at the very edge. My destiny’s waiting for me at the edge of the world, so I’m looking for a ship and a crew to take me there. Interested?

• A magical shopkeep. Selling on consignment strange artifacts. 

• Also selling information, also sold on consignment.

• Ok wait this is solid. Let’s expand upon this.

The Mouldy Underpass. A shop concealed within the wall of a freeway underpass. People who know about it can see the neon sign hanging above the ironbound door. Caged windows display strange artifacts. But the real secret of the shop is not found in the archaic items for sale on consignment, but rather in the tomes of ledgers hidden beneath the counter in a locked chest. See, people sell information on consignment as well. The owner of The Mouldy Underpass judges people’s information in specially-booked appointments. If she deems it worthy of the shop, she’ll agree to put it up for sale (for the people who know of that aspect of the shop, of course). If she deems it not worth her time, the contract that she and the “prospect” signed at the beginning of the appointment erases her memory of the information, and the prospect leaves, secure. There’s another, seedier consignment store across town. Someone sells information regarding a slew of murders— something that has stumped the police. But the clerk, a young man who learned of the shop in need of a job, is bound to silence. What will he do when people whom he knows start to die— in accordance with the details of the murderer? Is there a way out of his binding contract?

Maybe the murderer is hunting down people who know another piece of key information, before it can be sold?

Magic is real. It’s called “guile”. Monsters are real, too. It’s modern day, set in a city that I know well. Kind of an Unsleeping City or Monster of the Week situation. Let’s get some character names. 

• Halloway.

• Ranunculus.

• Shale.

• Silas.

• Rence. 

• Sinclair.

• Adeline. 

• Gard.

• Raul.

• Dr. Morgan “Morgue”.

• Mr. Adlow.

• Img. A friendly troll.

A monster called a “gluccus”.

Once someone puts a piece of information up for consignment, magic binds it to remain a secret until someone buys it. Only the prospect, the owner, the clerk, and anyone who knew of it before know of it. The shop itself stays secret for the same reason— it’s privileged information. Halloway, the clerk, learns of it from someone who used to work there— a previous clerk. Why did that person leave? Are they being hunted for their loose-thread information?

“Return to sender.”

Monsters stay secret for the same reason— it’s privileged information.

Ms. Aisen (“Ashen”) Adlow is the owner of the store. 

Gratto is the troll guard who stands out front. Until Halloway learns of monsters, he just appears as a grungy man with a walking stick. 

The other store across town is called The Gilded Hive. It markets to seedier clients. 

The story is not about violence, but there’s a rune-carved ancient sword for sale in the shop, which Halloway takes with him to rescue Ms. Adlow near the end. 

F. 3/21/2025

Instead of stream-of-thought, today I wrote just over three cohesive pages of prose for The Mouldy Underpass story. The beginning chapter. It starts at Donut Star, with the protagonist meeting with a friend, who tells him of a position opening at this strange store. Oh yeah, Donut Star is a low-quality donut shop on Washington, a street that I’m very familiar with in San Diego. When we were growing up, on weekends, our dad would take my sisters and I “yard-sailing”/“garage-sailing”— we would drive around and find yard sales/garage sales. We’d wake up really early and go to Donut Star, then, fueled by cheap sugar, we’d go find “scores”— weird artifacts being sold on people’s lawns. 

I decided to set this story in San Diego, around the time of when I was a kid. As a factor in this decision, I knew that I’d be able to supply effortless detail, and really flesh it out. But what’s cool is that I’ll have this “real-world” San Diego paired with this fantastical side of the fiction. So I’ll still be developing a setting. A lot of people do this. Authors. 

I was particularly inspired by the book that I’m currently re-reading, The Binding, and the book that I read last, Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore. This concept shares a lot of elements with both books, but, I feel, it brings something new and fresh. It also has a reasonable reason why the fantastical side of the setting is hidden from the general populus— unlike the bullshit like Percy Jackson, with some veil being cast over the “mortals” eyes. The reason why most people don’t know about the store, or about monsters, or guile, or anything, is because that’s “privileged information”; someone sold that information ages ago to one of the consignment stores, who have it for sale to the customers in-the-know, but the price is so high— and its secrecy is so important— that no one buys it. 

Anyways!

All of this is to say that I haven’t done much for Seminar work directly except consult with programmers, and brainstorm ideas for my alla prima mechanic. I have one idea of a relatively easy way to achieve part of it: my refraction trail has the maximum amount of screen-facing planes (16), so I can make the “lens” of the Viewfinder mechanic those consecutive planes, just taking “photos” and placing them immediately. This will work, except it won’t really visibly do anything— because it won’t factor in the refraction. I need to figure out some way to alter the geometry placed by factoring in the refraction; I need some way to make the visual smears add shapes and colors to what is placed. I haven’t the faintest idea of how to do that. 

I also need to finish troubleshooting my base Viewfinder mechanic. By doing so, I assume that I’ll become enlightened in how to practically implement the trail-planar instant “photos”. 

Blog Post #19 Once Upon A Time…

F. 3/7/2025

I’m working on learning Marvelous Designer. I haven’t gotten anywhere directly relevant to the Studio project that I’m working on, but I’m learning. Since the example projects are not immediately relevant, I’m not getting caught up so much on getting the details right. Better to absorb more, faster, than to do less, slower. I can always go back and iron out the details later.

This is the pleated skirt that I made as a half-hearted replication of Persona 5. Obviously, there are some issues. Not sure exactly how to amend it, but that’s not pressing.

I woke up at 3am today; got up at 4am. 

I went to bed in the afternoon yesterday, getting up around 9pm to touch up my dental and facial care. So, I slept a lot, but I got up early, and it’s 1:15pm, and I’ve been productive.

I played about an hour of Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018). I’m going to be running a D&D oneshot for my undergrad friends in a new setting— that mixes Dark Sun, Wild West, and Mad Max elements— and I bought RDR2 a while back, so I had it— just took a while yesterday setting up the two disks on my PS4. I can’t adjust the audio level in my headphones for that, specifically, so it’s pretty loud.

Anyways, I worked on Marvelous for a little over an hour today. Consistency is going to be the key. Judging by my notes, it’s been over a week since I worked in this program. I don’t feel especially out of flow in regards to Marvelous, but I didn’t start feeling particularly in flow, either. There is work to be done.

Right, so for alla prima, I need to import a character mesh, doing a weapon swing. That’s the first step. I’ve watched the entire refraction weapon trail tutorial, and it’s not super complicated, but I just need something for it to act on. I’m going to do that bit— import the mesh and animation— right now.

Ok, so it didn’t work importing a Mixamo animation to the base skeletal mesh. I’m going to need to pair it with the matching Mixamo mesh.

Done!

I worked on formatting the 2nd edition of Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost, my D&D book, for about 25 minutes. I had to fiddle with it. I still hadn’t discovered a foolproof way to remove the extra vertical black lines in the last rows of the tables— but I found it! I select that row, right click, Cell Options, Strokes and Fills, then change the strokes to Paper (color).

Sa. 3/8/2025

I’m working on the refraction weapon trail currently. It’s in Unreal, and I don’t want to overload my computer (and make it crash), so I have the tutorial on my phone hooked up to my monitor— at 50% speed. This tutorial is closest and simplest compared to the goal of the refraction trail, but it has no vocal instructions. I watched the entire thing through earlier this week to prep myself. I’m at 2:55 minutes of the 23:18— it’s taken like 20 minutes to get this far. And I’m overheating.

So I’m going to take a break!

Later.

I worked in Marvelous Designer for an hour more. I learned how (and why) to make darts (it has a special dart tool; you can also make a dart from a segment’s point, i.e. from an edge), how to add buttons and buttonholes (the button tool is in the 3D layout on the left; the course must be using an older version of Marvelous, because I was able to just select all the buttons, Right Click, and create button holes opposite— and the instructor wasn’t), and how to make POINTY SHOULDERS! (Pointy shoulders involve a short horizontal rectangle placed under the shoulder seams, with a lower Particle Distance and Strengthened.) I also just extended my screen onto my monitor— Marvelous doesn’t use a lot of computing power, and I appreciated the improved video quality of the course.

I slept in a bit today.

By my new standards, that means that I got up at 6:30am. I was planning on getting up at 4am. Do I wish that I had [gotten up at 4]? Yes; I’m running low on time to get everything done— but I am making the most of it!

I have a new morning routine! I’m still figuring out the order, but I meditate, stretch, write three pages (can be anything; today I wrote some prose fiction), and read 15 minutes. I also didn’t use my phone (other than to set a timer for meditation) until 11:45am. I’m trying to see how little I can use my phone (even for music)— especially before noon. I’ve noticed an increase in cognitive clarity.

There are some things that I’ve been slacking on.

- I need to work on securing funding for the summer. Haven’t really done anything for that.

- I need to work on my upcoming Texturing assignment. It’s due Monday, and I haven’t even started it. As a grad student, I have to model and texture some plants to go outside of the house. I messaged Mengliu, invoking my right to turn it in 24-48 hours late! (I don’t know if I’ll be able to turn it in by then, but at least it’ll postpone the grade deduction.)

So I will add these to my schedule in the coming days.

Later.

I’ve been rereading Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore. And I needed to take a break from work— recharge a bit— so I sat down and finished the last two chapters. There are flaws (i.e. if new codex vitae are being added to the shelves as more unbound are bound, how does the Founder’s face maintain its shape?) but it truly is one of my favorite books. It possesses all of the comfort, stimulation, and intrigue that reading has offered me since I started reading.

What are my favorite books?

1. Epic by Conor Kostick. I have read this book literally dozens of times. Sometimes, when the need arises, I read it, turn the last page, and start again immediately from the beginning. 

2. Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan. See above.

3. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by You-Know-Who. Of all of the last six books in the series (the first book is designed for children, and is a slog— even back when I started reading it at age 7), this is my favorite. Things finally get over the crest of maturity into real Darkness. I’m also a sucker for subtle romance. I consistently read the entire series at least once a year— often more. 

4. Babel by R.F. Kuang. I’ve only read this book once (it’s too dense to read frequently) but it supplied my linguist brain with a unique concoction of language-specific lore that I have never before, nor since, found anywhere else. I often refer to reading this book (as me, a linguist) as “holding a key to a door that most people don’t even know exists, let alone can open”.

5. The Binding by Bridget Collins. I often think of this book as the best-written fiction book that I have ever read. It has just the right mixture of light fantasy, gloom, and gay romance. Like Babel, I haven’t read it very often (though more than once). It’s like a rich dessert; you can’t eat it for every meal. 

Later. 

I just spent 15 minutes trying to get my USB-C to HDMI adapter to work. I blew into the ports? I dunno, but it works now. I worked before, and the issue wasn’t the HDMI cable (that worked connecting to my laptop), but it stopped working. Now it works again, so I’m going to work on my weapon refraction trail more. 

I just worked on it for 20 minutes more, and now I’m up to 5:07 minutes on the video (50% speed). I’m starting to get ideas on how to make it look less gelatinous and more like brush strokes. It’s all based on a Noise generator, which is then iterated on a bunch. So if I make a tiling brush stroke texture, and use that, instead, I’m thinking that it should work. I doubt that I’ll have time to experiment with that this Milestone, but Milestones 4 and 5 are all about bringing it together, so I’ll have time then.

M. 3/10/2025

I’m working more on the refraction trail. At 5:37, in M_RefTrail_01, a 1 and a 2 constant are connected to a Lerp Interpolate, which is then connected to the material’s Refraction element. But the issue is that my material node didn’t have an active Refraction element. So I had to activate it on the left menu, but I had to choose the type of refraction. I chose Index of Refraction, but I really don’t know if that’s right. In the video, it just has “Refraction” on the material node. If it doesn’t work, that may be something to play with. 

Ah ha! At 6:09, it manually changed the refraction to Pixel Normal Offset. Potential problem solved!

Double ah ha! I now have the beginnings of a weapon refraction trail! It’s still gelatinous— but it will remain so for this Milestone— but it refracts! And it’s socketed to the weapon! Ah ha!

I am now at 11:17 minutes.

T. 3/11/2025

I think that I’m not going to keep a whip as the primary weapon for Pareidolia: Unbound. And I’m not keeping the human main character. Instead, the player will be controlling Sir Babbage, a pumpkin-headed warrior, wielding a giant wooden polearm shaped like a honey pot stirrer. It will take two hands to wield, but can be held in one hand when Babbage enacts his ranged attack— still knucklebones, which will shift the perspective from behind and to the right to behind (closer) and to the left. It will still destroy Babbage’s left hand and forearm—

Wait.

If the Honeypot Greatclub requires two hands, how will Babbage wield it when his left hand is destroyed?

It’s good that I have so much time to figure all this out. 

I’m also going to make the NPCs around the rim of the hollow— it’s still going to be a swemp, still forested, but a hollow in the ground scattered with red stone ruins, centered by a purple crystal obelisk— as my D&D characters. They will be merchants and crafters, and perhaps others drawn by the sounds of violence in the hollow. I’m particularly excited to model, rig, and animate Baker Gyld; I can do this for the project, but I can also make a 3D printable model to make for the Archwoods campaign in which I play him. And I have so many characters! So many options! I’m not going to make all of my D&D characters— that would be impossible, especially since I intend to be the primary 3D character artist— but that just means that I get to choose the best!

Let’s break down what must be in the demo, and what I would like to be in it.

What must be in the demo.

• Alla prima. Duh.

• At least one boss, that is summoned when you interact with the purple crystal obelisk in the center of the Hollow.

What I would like to be in the demo.

• NPCs around the rim, to be interacted with between runs.

• An innovative inventory system, where you get to physically arrange the items in your rucksack.

• A “tag” system based on the inventory, where items that you carry impart special buffs.

• A crafting system, in which you can take the materials scavenged in the Hollow, and meld them with pre-existing items, binding “tags” to those items, while saving space in your rucksack.

• Pareidolias, grunt-level enemies that only spawn when the player’s visual perspective aligns with the environment in ways that create an illusion of a creature in the shapes, shadows, and colors of said environment.

I think that’s it.

Any more than that would be unrealistic.

To be fair, I don’t know if any of it is “realistic”. I’ve never run a game studio before. And it’ll all depend on the number and skill sets of the people that work with me on it.

But yeah, I’m going to do some sketches of Sir Babbage today as recharging breaks. And I’ll include those in the slideshow, along with references of clothes. 

Refraction trail work.

In NS_Trail_01, clicking on the Fountain node, scroll down to Ribbon Shape— I’m experimenting with Width Segmentation Count. It was at 3 originally, but I didn’t like the effect of having visible segments in the trail. 

At 10, it looks more cohesive. 

At 1, it has tons of visible divisions.

The maximum is 16, which I’m going with. It looks best; no visible divisions. 

One issue that I’m foreseeing is how part of the trail always seems to be behind the character mesh. Of course, that’s only an issue right now due to the Mixamo animation I’m using. It might not be an issue with the real Babbage animation. 

Why is it an issue? Because I don’t ever want alla prima to affect the player character.

I also want to taper the trail so it looks less planar, and more like a streak. 

W. 3/12/2025

The guy from my UE5 Blueprint Udemy course released an article on programming theory for inventory systems. I’m going to pass it on to any programmer I get who is going to design the inventory system for Pareidolia: Unbound. 

I just watched the IGN review for the upcoming Blades of Fire. It has a crafting system that I could definitely draw inspiration from when designing the crafting system for Pareidolia. In addition to allowing full customization of the parts of the weapon crafted, BoF has a forging mini-game where you actually have to try and create the shape of the desired weapon in as few strokes as possible.

For Pareidolia, I would love to extend the immersion by implementing a similar mechanic— though, of course, you won’t be forging weapons, but instead crafting Wyrdwood components and folkparts into pre-existing equipment— to gain those components’ “tags”.

I presented today! It went pretty well. I had a lot to show, but also kept it concise. Amanda broached an important subject of inquiry. She asked me how Mortimer Babbage (the new MC) fits into the narrative of the game— and how he comes by the power of alla prima. I had not thought of that! To be fair, I hadn’t really thought up Alice’s (the original MC) connection to alla prima— I had a vague idea of a scene with the Pumpkin King granting that power to him, but if the MC is now a jack o’ lantern, that changes things.

F. 3/14/2025

In Pareidolia: Unbound, how does Sir Mortimer Babbage’s story begin? What is his “call to adventure”?

I think that it would make sense to have an opening cinematic of a storybook, with a gravelly-voiced narrator telling the tale.

“Once upon a time, there was a farmer...”

The farmer had a daughter, who loved pumpkins. She would read to the pumpkins to help them grow. Tragedy struck, and the daughter was killed. [Need to expand upon this.] The pumpkin patch, knowing empathy for their fallen grower, convened under the moonlight, and chose to sponsor a hero to right the wrong. They pooled all of their power, withering and crumbling to ash, so that one pumpkin could grow beyond normal bounds. The bees kept by the farmer recalled the kindness of the daughter, and contributed honeycomb, which would form the arms of the hero. The horses, too, knew comfort from the daughter, and went without food, so that the hay sacrificed could form the torso of the hero. And so he grew. He grew into a humanoid form, which the farmer clad with the patchwork clothes of the scarecrow from the field. He lacked fingers, so the farmer dug up ten heirloom carrots, and bound them to the honeycomb stumps of the wrists. The local gnomes witnessed the efforts of the farm to right the wrong, and stole into the house one night, nabbing a honeypot stirrer. With their fey guile, they enlarged the stirrer into a great wooden polearm, which the pumpkin knight could wield as a weapon. They imbued the honeypot stirrer with enchantments, drawn from their own artistic nature, allowing the knight to swing it and reshape the environment around him. And finally, the farmer carved a face into the pumpkin head, so that their enemies would flinch at the sight of him. The farmer did not want the fear to be absolute, so for one eye, he carved the shape of a heart.

Blog Post #18 An Oulde World

T. 2/25/2025

My improv show was a *smash hit*. It was so much fun, and a lot of people came. About half of my housemates showed up, as well, which was much appreciated. 

I just realized that I didn’t submit my blog post from last week— so I just did that.

I’m watching this video on YouTube right now. Fantasy Maps Should Be Weirder. It is making me think of how maps can be an art form, and not necessarily be moored to realism and geographic accuracy. Apparently, geographic accuracy is a relatively new concept for maps. And since most fantasy maps are based, technologically, in medieval times, they should reflect that. 

I get that a lot of fantasy media with maps is heavily hard-worldbuilding-based, and surreal, impressionistic maps wouldn’t feel intuitive for those stories. But for me, for my stories, that’s not the case. Like, for my projects based around Pearl Manor— the 2D sidescroller, Bound, and the gamebook accompanying it (title still up in the air)— the whole point is that it’s not consistently accurate. Pearl Manor is an amorphous setting; always changing; always something new to discover. And it’s not hard worldbuilding; it’s soft; it’s thematically consistent. (Still working on that.) So what if the gamebook has a map in the front, but it’s made of different pieces? And the reader can separate those perforated pieces and rearrange them for each time that they go through the adventure. There will be many rooms that the reader does not interact with each time through the book, and that’s the point. 

It reminds me of this character sheet that I made for one of my favorite D&D characters I ever played, Bo Silvertongue. Let’s see if I can find it.

Bo used to be a halfling witch (this sheet), but he experimented on himself with lycanthropic blood, transforming into a tiefling barbarian/wizard/paladin. He was, at the time, the most I’d ever multiclassed. Lucy Weirdbeard, my current pirate PC, broke the record; they are a rogue/sorcerer/warlock/fighter. But Bo’s original character sheet, shown here, had all of the relevant information, but was dramatically more of an art piece than the standard sheet. And not just because it contains character art. It has shapes and colors that foreshadow Bo’s inevitable transformation— and his hunger for power at any cost. It’s been a while since I made a visual art piece quite like that.

Today, I fed my inner artist a bit. I took out my largely-empty black page sketchbook, and sketched my other current D&D character, the masked imp known as Baker Gyld. He wears a bright red, gold-accented frog mask, and a double-tasseled blue hooded cloak. I’m dedicated to creating more concept art for whimsical characters— I have redefined the gameplay layout for Pareidolia:Unbound’s demo/vertical slice, and I’ll need lots of memorable characters for it.

Essentially, I had previously planned to make it a defend-the-abode scenario, defending against an onslaught of Folk. But that would be both a lot of work (that we might not finish) and, simultaneously, a bad representation of the larger game. The player wouldn’t be able to utilize the combat mechanics (like alla prima), the traversal mechanics (like alla prima), or the inventory-based advancement system. 

So now, I’m thinking that the player character finds himself in a part of the Wyrdwoods with red stone ruins scattered throughout an enclosed area, and the player has to explore and battle each round, accruing folkparts (which are a kind of currency/ingredient that I developed last semester for the game; they are unique parts of Folk characters that they drop when you slay them), which can then be used after each round in the ring surrounding the arena space. The enemies will primarily be pareidolias, with some larger boss Folk interspersed. So the player will have to gather folkparts and other ingredients from the environment— because after each round, you can exit the arena area (which is still rainforest/swamp) and enter the outer ring, which has Folk and humans alike. You can then interact with those characters, and trade and craft, improving your abilities through the inventory-based “tag” system— and you re-enter the arena with those improvements. 

It’s a roguelike— no other way to put it. 

I wouldn’t want the larger game to be confined to that— I want it to be an adventure game— but for the purposes of demonstrating the alla prima mechanic, the pareidolias, and the inventory system— all while showcasing the whimsical characters that I cook up— this seems best. 

So I want to create a daily habit of sketching whimsical characters. 

Back to maps. 

What if the map of Pearl Manor has relatively-sized sections, depending on the significance of those landmarks? Just an idea.

That video that I just finished watching had some examples of dual-maps— pairs of maps with one being realistic, and the other being representative. Someone in the comments (goddamn I hate YouTube comments, but this one is fine) suggested making that pair for worldbuilding— one for the writer, and the other for the characters— but for Bound et al., I really only need one: the representative one. Because that is the layout.

I wrote down an idea for an RPG progression system that I might use in Bound. Essentially, you organize your skills and stats and such in a visual, neural net. And the level of organization— and the layout you design— skews certain skills and stats. This could work for Bound, because the player character is a ghost, and ghosts notoriously struggle with remaining true to their fading memories. It could also take inspiration from Elegy (my trading card TTRPG), with certain boons and debuffs granted by certain organization strategies. 

This is from Elegy:

Anytime you roll a 1 for an Attribute, you gain one of the following tags:

   • Xenoth-kin. If you place your 1 in Mortal, this represents your character’s limited connection to the material realm, and a higher abundance of otherworldly power, be it magical or otherwise. You gain a +2 bonus to Social rolls made to influence creatures of the non-Beast and non-Mundane types.

   • Savant. If you place your 1 in Social, this represents your character being socially inept to the degree of fault, but also reflects a more direct, efficient mind. You gain a +2 bonus to your Ghostly and Occult Scores, but only when resisting mind-altering magics.

   • Soulbound. If you place your 1 in Ghostly, this reflects a spirit grappled to your body. Whenever you would reduce your Stamina in response to an attack or spell, you can subtract 1 from the amount of Stamina reduced. 

   • Mired Essence. If you place your 1 in Occult, this demonstrates a mind not graced by arcanum in the slightest. Instead, you are bogged down by the burden of reality. You gain a +2 bonus to your Mortal Score, but only when resisting spells. 

Th. 2/27/2025

I just sent in my form to withdraw from Procedural Art. I went to the Office of Financial Aid this morning before Procedural was set to start (I got there like 20 minutes before the office opened at 8:30am) to follow up on whether I’ll have to pay any money as a result of withdrawing. I do not! So I did not go to class. I messaged Ezra, and he made an insensitive comment, “You need to decide”, saying that my grades in the class are fine— they’re not; with my two late assignments, I’m failing— but that is in the past! I don’t think I’ll take another of Ezra’s courses. Just personal choice. 

Let’s see, what else?

Oh yeah, I almost didn’t go to Seminar yesterday. I did, though, and I participated in discussion (perhaps too much). It *vexes* me when people get so set on their ideas that they are obstinate in resisting feedback. 

I didn’t go to Studio. I went to the Office of Financial Aid and the Office of Student Accounting, instead, yesterday. I have not been doing well! I messaged my Studio lead— saying that, and that I don’t have much to share for Sprint (which was yesterday), and the steps that I’m taking to improve my workflow (withdrawing from Procedural and finishing my Marvelous Designer Udemy course). I made this banner!

Last semester, in my previous team, I was sent home on a Sprint day, because I was so obviously, visibly unwell. And it sucks.

But taking care of myself is more important. 

When I was in undergrad, after I came back from being sick, I took classes only part-time. I had hoped that I wouldn’t have to do that here. And three classes is still full-time— I just wish that I could function at the same arbitrary measure as my peers.

I decided upon a concept for my thesis! It’s relevant to the last line. I want my research to benefit myself, and I want it to benefit other people— and the quality that I value most in myself and others is creativity.

So, I’m thinking about writing about how to optimize creativity— specifically for neurodivergent people. 

My sister shared something with me during our last call that really comforted me. She said that neurodivergent people process the world at a more intense level than others, so the brain requires more rest. And people recognize that there’s a minimum amount of sleep that people tend to require— around eight hours. I had been thinking about my oversleeping as just that— oversleeping. But my brain really does function creatively higher than the standard person— and even more than someone with the same diagnosis. So it’s not excess sleeping. It’s what I need.

So I just need to make sure that I utilize my waking hours more preciously. That is what I’m going to research for my thesis— how to do that. 

My mum told me to write about a hypothetical person, but I don’t really care about personal privacy; if I can improve, function at a high level, and help other people in similar situations, I want to use my story to do so.

I started working on a new creative angle for my new setting— or rather, an old angle. I reached out to Ampersand, my D&D friends from undergrad, who wrote me a letter of rec for grad school applications— and I asked who would want to participate in a oneshot set in this new setting. I immediately got five people interested. 

The setting mixes elements from Dark Sun, the Wild West, and Mad Max. It’s the kind of game that I have wanted to run for years. If it goes well, maybe we’ll run a campaign with the same premise over the summer. I’ll just link the info doc here (it’s much too much to transcribe, especially since I already have it more eloquently laid out).

You might be thinking, “Mason, you just withdrew from a course for reasons including that you couldn’t handle the workload— why are you planning to run a D&D game, even if it’s just a oneshot?”

And that’s kind of it. I need to create something that is not tied to anything other than the joy of creating it. I don’t have a set date for the oneshot— it might not be for weeks— but I am hoping to have Session Zero this upcoming week. And I just want to make an interactive story to play with some of my closest friends. 

It’s going to have a wagon chase (they’re called “viscera wagons” in canon) through an environment of gray stone ravines and gulches, “howling with the voices of the wind”, as the Dying Sun sets over the sandblasted horizon. I’m going to have a set of layered maps that I’m going to show via screen sharing— one is going to have like a satellite view of the environment, which I’m going to model and texture in 3D; another layer is going to have topographic elements. 

And the coolest thing? 

I’m going to boil down the rules for Gaslands: Refuelled, and the player operating the escape wagon will use it— choosing movement layouts, rolling Skid Dice, all of it. I definitely have to thank Trent Holbrook from Miscast for the inspiration. A while ago, he came out with a video providing rules for a DM-less D&D game— including rules for incorporating rules from other systems— referencing Gaslands, specifically.

Anyway, I’m going to publish this right now, so I can get on with my night and not worry about forgetting. 

The rest of the night, I’m going to work on my Marvelous Designer course, I’m going to watch the weapon refraction trail video tutorial all the way through (it doesn’t have clear auditory instructions, so I want to get an idea of what I’ll need to do), I’m going to work on formatting Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost, 2nd Ed., including some patterns to put on the endpapers, I’m going to sketch another character, and I’m going to play a game (probably Avowed).

Later.

I watched the weapon refraction trail tutorial all the way through. My god does it go fast! And there’s no verbal instructions. I’m going to need to extend my screen onto my monitor for it (my phone is too low res) (hopefully Unreal doesn’t crash), and slow it down at least 50%.

A couple things that I’m going to need to modify:

1. I will need to modify the textures so that it isn’t so jiggly. I want it to look like brush strokes— complete with the fine lines that brush hairs leave, and the reference tutorial is much more gelatinous and fluid in nature. I don’t know exactly how to go about doing this, yet.

2. I won’t need to add the orange color. I’m considering replacing the orange with black— it only colors part of the trail, and then, maybe it will evoke ink vibes. Not sure yet! I might just keep it purely translucent. It’s a small edit, so I can test it out and remove the coloration, if necessary. Ooh wait! There could be item tags that alter the alla prima! There could be tags that alter the coloration/opacity (for various effects on the mechanic), and tags that alter the type of stroke (like a palette knife stroke more bluntly affecting the environment/dealing more damage to Formidables, for example).

Blog Post #17 A-Wowed

Th. 2/20/2025

I gave a good presentation yesterday! It was both a quality performance, and dense with content. Amanda sent out an announcement the day prior, about “teaching” what we’ve learned each milestone for each presentation. I had some difficulty expressing in depth the mechanics of the Viewfinder mechanic, but I was able to put up a handful of full-screen gifs— without captions— and elaborate on what each demonstrated.

Debug vector slice Channel visualization.

More Trace Channeling.

Slice working too well.

Slice no longer working.

Those gifs^ show the line tracing of the “slices”, which use vectors to cut the environment. I still have 11 minutes left of the final tutorial, and I came across an issue right before I had to start making the presentation— it stopped slicing (even the error-laden full-length slice shown in the last gif)— so I need to go back and fix that. 

Basically, since that tutorial uses a square “lens” it makes four slices using Trace By Line Channels; in alla prima, I’ll need to figure out how to determine the exponentially increased number of slices necessary to align with the refraction trail, and then go from that. 

Also, that tutorial set the effective range of the lens to, like, 1,000 ft. For alla prima, the environment will be wayyy denser, and it’ll be connected to a melee weapon trail, so it should affect a significantly shorter distance. 

Last night and tonight, I’ve been practicing nocturnalism again. I know it’s not the best for me, but I have things to do, and I can’t wake up early enough to get things done during the day. I was kinda wrecked during Studio today— not helped by the fact that I’m still retopologizing Mercutio, which is, I believe, the seventh layer of Hell— so I went home after and slept from like 3pm to 10pm. 

A benefit of all this— aside from the productivity increase— is that I’ll be able to talk with my older sister. She lives in Finland, so the time difference is +7 hours relative to here. I haven’t spoken with her in a while. Hopefully we can speak tonight. 

But yeah, I have a lot of work to do tonight. It’s just before 1am right now. I need to finish the two-week-late Procedural ladder for Ezra, finish the week-late Texturing food assignment, and finish the Viewfinder replication. I did the pizza for the food assignment yesterday (or the night before? It’s hard to talk about non-standard waking hours), using photographs of pizza as the textures, and adding height maps, roughness maps, etc. It turned out really well! So I just need to make the choco taco. 

Oh I should also watch the Procedural lecture that I missed last week.

I also want to start playing Avowed (2025). I want to see if I can finally get into melee in a first-person perspective. Though, I am mostly interested in magic and flintlock pirate weaponry. 

Later.

It is 6:16am. I just showered. Cold, naturally. I worked on my Procedural ladder quite a bit this night, but I’ve run into some issues. Fortunately, I have class today, so I can ask Ezra for help. I just need to turn this assignment in, because the D- grade on Canvas (due to the missing assignment) is stressing me the hell out. 

I played about an hour of Avowed. And boy, I was not disappointed.  I had some trouble in combat— I kept dying due to elongated battles and limited healing, and melee in first-person has always been a bit challenging for me— but the main joy of playing it rested in the beautiful scenery. If Eternal Strands was inspirational for Pareidolia’s swemp biome, Avowed brought that to another level. I loved all of the giant, overgrown plants and fungi. And the art style is so clean, crisp, and realistic. The level design, too, was particularly good. Lots of variation in elevation. 

But yeah, I stayed up all night because I woke up at 10pm. Which I did because I went to sleep at 3pm. Which I did because I stayed up all night before Wednesday to prep for my Seminar presentation. Which went quite well. 

But the issue of primarily staying up late to get work done is not sustainable. I only did that because I woke up in the afternoon Tuesday. But if each class requires around 16 hours of work for each two-week period, I should be able to stay on top of things if I just do around an hour of work each day for each class. That’s just four hours of homework a day— which will be a vast improvement to the crammed 12 hour all nighter sessions that I’ve been relying on. 

And, I think, the reason why I ran into trouble with the Procedural assignment was because I hadn’t worked on it for over a week. So I lost the flow. And I’m still learning Houdini, so that flow is essential. That’s another potential benefit of doing an hour of work for each class every single day. It keeps the momentum going; it keeps me immersed; it keeps me learning. 

I just found this newer tutorial on making a refraction weapon trail in Unreal. It’s only a year old— compared to the others, which are significantly older— so I think it’ll be easier to follow. And it’s only 23 minutes!

Much later.

I worked on my overdue Texturing food assignment for about 45 minutes, but I’ve reached an impasse, so I reached out to the TA for help.

I worked on finishing the Viewfinder replication for 35 minutes, but I still have 10 minutes left— and it’s not functioning as intended. It doesn’t slice the floor, and photos of the floor placed in the sky don’t create new geometry. Also, it does destroy the fire extinguisher, but completely— even if the sky photo is only partially placed on it. So I reached out to a professor for some help. In the tutorial, he’s moved onto bug fixing, but I obviously need someone to look over the mess of blueprints— because it should be working by now, and it’s not.

It’s 9:09pm right now. I have a call with my older sister (who’s in Finland) at 11am, so I want to be in bed by midnight. I had Procedural Modeling class today— I still haven’t watched the demonstration that I missed from last week, which I need to do; it seems important— and I don’t think I’ll have time to work on that class’ assignments tonight. I am going to work on retopologizing Mercutio more, for Studio.

Later.

I have retopologized all of Mercutio except for his head.

I also played 45 minutes more of Avowed. There was an issue with the shaders— everything was shifting technicolor. I restarted my machine and it was fixed. I also decreased the difficulty to Easy. 

I’m unlocking more of the mechanics. And I found an arquebus (a flintlock rifle). Haven’t had a chance to use it yet. I’m going to get ready for bed now.

Tomorrow, I will:

• Texturing: Continue work on finishing the choco taco.

• Seminar: Start the refraction weapon trail replication.

• Studio: Finish retopologizing Mercutio.

• Procedural: Work on the overdue ladder assignment.

• Make lentils and/or rice.

• Talk with my sister.

• Table for our improv show.

Blog Post #16: And, and

T. 2/11/2025

Today I finished modeling Mercutio’s hair for the studio project that I’m working on. Sprint is tomorrow, and I want to have more to show, so I’m going to stay up a bit later and model the clothes in Blender, too. I still haven’t progressed in learning Marvelous Designer— but Mercutio has some specific elements to his clothing mixing fabric and leather, so I think it’d be easier to just do it in Blender. Also Marvelous is expensive.

I did Mercutio’s hair following Ezra’s advice, creating a Modifier —> Physics —> Particle System —> Hair, then shaping it in Particle Editor (grooming and snipping), converting it to a mesh,  then a curve, then increasing the bevel. I did the front two hairs separate from the rest, since they have a different shape— it would’ve been impossible to individually shape two individual hairs relative to the rest of the hairdo. It took two tries— the first one had too many hairs for the desired thickness. I’m going to refine the tips (narrow them) in ZBrush.

I also started the Viewfinder replication in UE5 tutorial two-part series. Got through the first part! Took me less than an hour to get through the 30 minute tutorial guiding the blueprints necessary to capture and place photos. We haven’t gotten to the photos actually “slicing” and altering the environment— that’s in the next tutorial, which is about three times longer— but I wanted to make sure that I can replicate the tutorial precisely, so I bought the environment pack (Brutalist Architecture Office) on Fab, since it has procedural assets. It was $65— which is a lot to lay down for just a tutorial, but it was kind of a necessity. 

The beginning of the tutorial stated a couple of disclaimers— the one that was relevant to my dark purposes was that this project must use uniformly-scaled assets, or the Viewfinder effect may stretch them.

I was quite pleased that I was able to follow along— despite the instructor stating that it was an advanced tutorial. I hooked up my phone to my monitor (had to manually choose my headphones again through the YouTube app; otherwise, my phone treated the HDMI input as the audio input), so I could have a bigger reference screen while I worked on my laptop. I had to pause and rewind, naturally, but that was mostly to troubleshoot; often, I found myself completing the steps as the instructor said them— before he actually did it himself. 

There were a few sections where the AsAPhoto variable returned “None”, so I tested out converting those instances to Validated Gets— which worked! So that’s one personal improvement that I enacted upon the process!

I recorded some videos of the result.

Th. 2/13/2025

I missed class today. Which sucks. I don’t have much to note on since Tuesday. Well, I stayed up until like 4am Tuesday night to try and get ready for the studio sprint. I didn’t even get that far. Seth said not to beat myself up, and that I’m still figuring out my workflow, and told me to get some sleep— but the sprint presentation— for me, at least— was lackluster. I’ve been messaging with Ezra about narrowing the tips of the hair tubes. He said that he could help me during class today, but, yeah, I didn’t go to class. 

I went to bed last night at like 8:30pm. It was so early that I figured that I could get some work in before class (I still haven’t completed last week’s Procedural assignment).

But I have a problem.

Since I set my alarm before the latest that I could afford to wake up for class, I justified snoozing. But that just created the “snooze-momentum”, a treacherous cycle that resulted in me missing class, and ultimately waking up at 3pm. Which brings the total sleep time to, oh, 18 hours?

My mum told me to try and focus on the progress that I’ve made in the past five years. That I didn’t used to have anything at all to get up for, and now I’m actually trying. And that I have a more full lifestyle. And that I’m not [mostly] nocturnal anymore. But it’s fucking with me. Because, I only have class in the morning twice a week, and even that’s not reliable to get me up at a reasonable time (see today). I’m not trying to go back to nocturnalism; my doctor told me that people who “work the night shift” consistently live 7-10 years less on average— and that’s just lifespan; life quality is also worse for them. But if I’m sleeping at least twice as much as necessary— and, therefore, my days are twice as short— I’m reducing my life by half. Not lifespan, but life. 

And I don’t really know what to do. I’m behind in most of my classes (except for Seminar, fortunately— I’m making progress on my Milestones), and my “plan” is to use Wellness Day and Spring Break to catch up— but what if the habit of snoozing just results in me using the extra time to sleep more? And I don’t know how to change that.

Because I’m trying to fix what’s been going on since I got really sick in 2020. And that hasn’t just been a long journey; it’s also been a deeply influential one. Partially beneficial (recovery), but also with some powerfully negative experiences. And despite my efforts, I don’t know how to change.

And I don’t want to talk about this in Seminar (unlike last semester), because I have limited time for my presentations, and it doesn’t seem an effective use of my time. 

I have a new creative project percolating in my brain.

I have this idea of a story of a magical school, known as Pearl Manor, that lives in the northwest of a Weird West setting. Last semester, I stayed up multiple nights mapping out relevant info and the magic system, but I haven’t done much on it since— other than jotting down ideas in my commonplace book when they arrive. The thing is, Pearl Manor is the kind of establishment that doesn’t easily fit into a prose format. It’s big— but not big enough to justify seemingly ephemeral layouts— but that’s what it has. You can wander around for days, and still find new things— strange rooms with strange murals, for example. And the teachers have the prefix “Silent”, because they exist solely in their classrooms during their classes, are prohibited from interacting with the other teachers, and don’t teach in a traditional sense; they precipitate “lessons” that seemingly aren’t run by them, and these experiences are tailored to each of the 49 students. And there’s this culture of mystique and paranoia cultivated from even before when the students arrive— so they don’t feel comfortable fully disclosing their experiences to each other. 

I have an idea for a pixelated sidescroller in which you play as a ghost in Pearl Manor, combatting interlopers who get progressively more sinister. That game is, prospectively, an RPG, but your abilities and stats are tied to your ghosthood. Ooh, I could use the stats from my trading card TTRPG, Elegy: Mortal, Social, Ghostly, and Occult. Just an idea. 

But I still want to write the main story of Pearl Manor as some kind of written medium. And yesterday, I was struck by another idea.

What if I write it as a Choose Your Own Adventure book?

I researched it a bit more, and found out that that title is trademarked, so people market their books as “gamebooks”— which is an even deeper culture and medium than CYOA books. In gamebooks, you have stats and abilities, and roll for successes tied to your choices. I messaged Ampersand (my group of TTRPG players from undergrad, who, incidentally, wrote one of my letters of rec for my Clark application)— figuring that they’d have some ideas about comps to read. Thomas immediately said that he did, but then went dark. He’s at a LARP right now, so it’s understandable. 

But a gamebook companion to the sidescroller could be really cool. It could use the same stats, and have more explicit worldbuilding, and a broader net of characters. And since they’re both original creations, I can make up the rules to be as unique as I want. 

Oh also! I went to the library after class yesterday and printed out the Introduction and Lesson 1 for Old Church Slavonic, from the University of Texas’ linguistics department. They have a whole website for ancient languages, and since it’s written by linguists for linguists, it’s a much more efficient method of learning the languages than the common apps and websites for the plebeian masses. At least, for me. Since I’m a linguist. 

I can’t remember if I wrote about this last week, but I was inspired to learn Old Church Slavonic from a Polish supernatural show on Netflix. In terms of lore, it makes no sense for the Big Bad to speak it— since the polytheistic culture that he’s from predates St. Cyril and St. Methodius, who, seemingly, created OCS to translate King James’ Bible— but any reason to learn is a good reason. And— and I forget where I got this— pattern recognition is key for creativity— learning languages is the ultimate form of pattern recognition— so it’d definitely be worth it. I intend to learn multiple of the ancient languages on the website— probably Sanskrit next. 

I’m publishing this post tonight, because tomorrow is Valentine’s Day— and, for the first time in like six years, I have a valentine. It’s already getting late (it’s 10:24pm currently), and I still need to shower. Regardless, I don’t have much else to report. 

What’s next?

Well, this weekend, I have my once-a-month online D&D pirate campaign with Ampersand (that’s Saturday night). I also need to complete my overdue Texturing assignment, complete my overdue Procedural assignment, complete retopologizing Mercutio for studio, work on his clothes, and continue replicating Viewfinder for Seminar. I am committed to having completed that last one for this Milestone (my presentation is Wednesday). I also want to use my breaks in between those things to commence work on the Pearl Manor gamebook. I still need to learn how those work. 

Oh, and, of course, I have to watch the lecture from the class that I missed today.
And, and, and.

Blog Post #15: A Perfect Day

Th. 2/6/2025

Ok let’s see. 

Immediate thoughts.

I had a dream Tuesday morning, including me playing Eternal Strands, which I hadn’t played. So when I woke up, I promptly bought and downloaded it.

That day, I stayed up really late (well, not compared to before, but still), working on Studio and Seminar projects. I woke up early before Seminar just to finish my slideshow. I had very little to show, but I still gave a good presentation. Oddly good, in fact. And in Studio, that day, I worked really hard on making Mercutio’s hair more feasibly created. Ezra suggested working with hair particles in Blender, but what I learned about them didn’t allow for solidifying nor for extrapolating— Ezra said that it’s because those hairs are just edges, and solidifying and extrapolating works only with faces. He gave me a strategy that looked alarmingly complex. I’ll work on that tomorrow.

Oh also! In my Seminar presentation, I talked about playing in a oneshot for the Magnus Archives TTRPG. I extolled its prioritization of roleplay, with light, intuitive rules— unlike more rule-heavy systems like D&D. It reminded me of Monster of the Week, in both narrative premise and mechanical strategies. And get this— I was talking with someone from that oneshot more, and they told me that they’re in a D&D game with the same GM/DM. And I must’ve really done a decent job playing/roleplaying in the Magnus Archives game, because they accepted me into the campaign!

I quit my previous D&D campaign due to a realization of standards on my part: if the group is not comprised of people with whom I want to hang out outside of game, I shouldn’t be devoting hours and countless units of energy to their campaign. But this new group— well, I only know two of them— but they seem like really cool people, with similar goals when it comes to TTRPGs. And the DM has a completely homebrew setting, with homebrew races that seem dope. I’ll be playing a Masked Imp known as Baker Gyld. He uses one of my subclasses, the Martyr warlock. The party apparently needs a healer, and just healing is overdone, so instead, I’ll be alternating between creating healing food and healing the party with self-sacrificial blood magic. I’m very excited.

I appreciated in the Magnus Archives system how immersive it was. And I can learn from that, in terms of digital game design. For Pareidolia: Unbound, I will not be using numerical stats— instead, I’ll be using a “tag” system (like “poison”, for example) tied to the material components of gear; the only limit to the player character’s abilities is how strategically they can organize their rucksack— which will have a representative visual interface, where they will be able to physically rearrange the contents to fit more. And that’s all for the sake of immersion. We, as humans, are not defined by numbers— so why should our characters be?

And Monday, god ok— I went to an improv comedy club here on campus for the first time. I had so much fun, and I did so well. At the beginning of the meeting, the president asked us newcomers about any relevant experience we have in improv, and when they got to me, I told them that I’ve been doing improv for ten years, and that I trained and performed with the National Comedy Theatre, the longest-running comedy show in San Diego. The whole point of this club, they told me, was that it is designed for amateurs— and jokingly almost implied that I should leave. I’m glad I stayed. A good performer is someone who lifts up their scene mates, and in every scene I was in, I did that well. It was weird feeling so experienced in something— I guess, since moving here for school, I have primarily felt a sense of inadequacy and inexperience. 

And I think that that improv practice elevated my performance skills— reminding me of all of the component parts that construct an engaging presentation— which, I think, was at least partially responsible for my successful, if largely devoid, Seminar presentation. 

But I’m getting better. I’m working more on schoolwork. Which is good, because I had begun entering another depressive episode that constricted my productivity. I’m still really tired, but I did something today instead of sleeping— since sleeping during the day will only hurt me. I sat down, and I played an hour of Eternal Strands (2025). I took some notes.

“Brynn seems like a newcomer, but she’s still knowledgeable enough to feel wowed by being in the Enclave. It kind of breaks immersion, because the player is incapable of resonating with her experience. If she were either fully ignorant, or fully aware, it’d be easier to empathize with her. But her character mixes those two options in an unsettling manner.

“And the dialogue with the rest of the band presupposes her past experience— that she’s worthy of taking on the role of point (or even, what that role’s significance is)— but the player has nothing other than words [spoken] to back up that assumption.”

I’m going to continue playing it, but I don’t really like the FX style, or the weird cartoon cutscenes, or the dialogue featuring largely static character portraits. I do appreciate, however, the setting. Just running through that forest, with its giant fungus, exploding flowers (I learned the hard way), and bioluminescent plants— it feels similar to how I want the Wyrdwoods of Pareidolia to feel. The Wyrdwoods will be denser, more overgrown, and wetter, but the whimsy of Eternal Strands’ setting is similar in vibe. 

Also, Dahm is just Mollymauk Tealeaf from Critical Role. I’m quite disappointed that they didn’t get Taliesin Jaffe to voice him. 

This vista at the end of my play sesh was particularly epic.

Anyway, I’m done eating for the day, and it’s only 6:19pm, so I’m going to work on my Udemy Blueprints course a bit. I had intended to finish that course for this past Milestone, but I didn’t. I do feel comfortable enough, however, to start the Viewfinder replication tutorials. I plan to do that this Milestone (as written), while devoting some time regularly to working on the course. It will take longer to finish the course, but I’ve learned a lot already, and I do want to stay on track for the rest of my Seminar project. 

F. 2/7/2025

Didn’t do much today. Kinda got up late. Stayed up late last night. Watched a bit of Fallout and Cracow Monsters. In the latter, they speak Old Church Slavonic pretty frequently. It inspired me to start researching and learning ancient languages again. When I was in undergrad— doing my Linguistics degree— I did that a lot. Mostly in class, though some extracurricularly. In one of my more memorable courses, Historical Linguistics, we studied Latin, Gothic, and Old English, among others. But Old Church Slavonic was one that I’d never even heard of. 

For Pareidolia: Unbound, the narrative premise is that the player character finds himself in an afterlife of sorts, where the spirits of humans coexist in concert with the characters of their own fairy tales. “In concert” used loosely; it’s a chaotic and violent realm. I started studying German again (I studied it in high school and undergrad) because of Grimm’s fairy tales— I figured that I’d be able to read the original versions auf Deutsch, and be able to use the characters’ German names in the game. But, in the grand scheme of folk tales, if I want this game to feel original, Grimm’s characters are a bit overdone, and aren’t representative of the broader realm of fairy tales. Cracow Monsters shows this. It’s set in Poland, and is about the ancient pantheon of that place. It’s kind of ironic that they use Old Church Slavonic, because that came after the pantheon.

Aside from the “pareidolias”— monstrous enemies that appear when the player character’s perspective aligns so that humanoid forms are formed by the environment’s colors, shadows, and shapes— I want each Folk NPC to be unique. It will be a lot of work, and something that I intend to focus on during this summer— 3D modeling them— and I think it’d be pretty disappointing to do all that work— even just for the vertical slice— and have the vanilla characters like Snow White, for example, be included. 

So I did some research.

I have a book on Latin, and Duolingo has Latin— but, unless I’m referencing pre-Jesus Roman mythology (which I don’t want to do; thank you, Rick Riordan), it won’t be helpful with this pursuit and research. And the thing about dead languages is, well, there’s not a lot out there to help people learn them. But the University of Texas has a whole website dedicated to just that. They have a section with tons of information just on Old Church Slavonic, with lessons and excerpts from Cyril and Methodius’ translations of the Bible. And this website was created by linguists for the only people who really, broadly, care about dead languages: linguists— which means that it’s efficient and informative, without, frankly, the bullshit that modern language-learning apps use to teach the common masses. Which is perfect for me! Especially since Old Church Slavonic uses the Glagolitic version of the Cyrillic alphabet (I think— I still need to go through that lesson). And once I’m proficient in Old Church Slavonic, I will be able to more easily access the kind of folklore that Poland, for example, so richly has documented.

And Old Church Slavonic is merely the start! The same website has sections for Old English, Old French, Old Irish, Old Norse, Old Russian, and Sanskrit, among others. And that’s exciting not only for Pareidolia; if I learn Sanskrit, for example, I’ll be able to read Vedic literature in its original language— which would be sick. 

Researching this topic made me feel as I felt while reading Babel, by R.F. Kuang— the joy and passion of holding the key to a door that most people don’t even know exists. Because language is both a key and a door— and language is one primary lens through which we view the world, think about the world, and shape the world. When I was in high school, running the memberless Masters of Today club, following my first TBI, I focused on that belief. And looking back on that, it makes sense why linguistics has fascinated me for so long. 

Let’s see, what else?

Oh, I read through the SRD of Elegy, the cooperative/PVP trading card TTRPG that I made for some of my grad school applications. It had been so long since I’d read it, but it really is quite extensive and quite good. It has solid rules— complex, but not unnecessarily so— great lore— involving the four stats (Mortal, Social, Ghostly, and Occult) and the components required for certain cards’ use (aether, daemon blood, and concoctions, among others)— and some quite thorough d100 tables for Loremasters (GMs) to create the kind of whimsy, horror, and intrigue that I love running in games. Also, it has rules— so stupid, saying it like that; I wrote it— I wrote rules for creating custom weapons. That rule set has a lot of similarities with a similar mechanic for creating custom weapons that my new in-person DM has in her homebrew documents. All about modifying the damage dice based on tags related to the weapon.

I’d love to expand the rules of Elegy— for example, what happens if you gain the dead condition?— and run a campaign in it. Another alternative would be running a shorter mini-campaign, then organizing PVP tournament play— because you have to have participated in story mode before entering tournament play, so you can acquire Talent cards. But alas, who has the time for that?

Or, maybe, I need to fill my life with more time commitments to really avoid days like today. This weekend, I have some days set up with more stuff to do. 

I feel like I just need one good, really productive day to start a streak of others similar. One day when I wake up early, take some caffeine and L-theanine at the prescribed time and dosage to avoid dependency, and get to work— then just continue the momentum. I did that a bit last semester, before my depressive episode started, before my nocturnalism— and that kind of creative productivity was really addictive. I looked forward to the next morning. I woke up before my alarm clock rang. 

I just need one day like that.

How about tomorrow?

Blog Post #14: Aye Laddy

W. 1/29/2025

I am a bit behind. 

I forgot that there was no Seminar today— and, thus, no presentation— which was very welcome, because I have not made any progress with Seminar project work. 

I turned in my fisherman wizard cloak Texturing assignment tonight (after finishing it tonight), two days late. 

It doesn’t look as 3D as I would’ve liked, but I think it’s passable. 

What is the name of the fisherman wizard?

And tomorrow, I have Procedural Art, and I haven’t gotten any work done for that assignment, either. Fortunately, there’s a week-grace period— and we’ll be working on the assignment in class. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to do it fully then. But I will, doubtless, need help; I’m working on fixing my sleep schedule by getting up early (almost) every day, but I still can’t fall asleep until like 3 or 4am every night, so I’ve been operating on 4-ish hours of sleep each night for the past two-ish weeks. As a result, I was so out of it last Procedural class that I was unable to both retain information and was unable to take notes. Not a great combo.

Why am I behind?

Personal reasons. I won’t get into it. 

It’s 8:43pm currently. I just spent 20 minutes working on my Udemy blueprints course. I’m almost done with the Jetpack Platforming project. (I can’t wait to move on.) But, since I hadn’t done any blueprints for weeks, I feel that I will need to re-dedicate my brain towards that workflow. Like when you’re learning a new language, and you immerse yourself in it for a bit, and, gradually, you begin to see your life through the lens of that language. I’ve fallen out of immersion in blueprints. But I’ll need to get back into it, regardless, because I do have a presentation next week, and I’d love to at least have finished the sidescrolling dungeon crawler project. 

And I still need to contact Student Housing and look into funding for the summer. But, alas, it is almost 9pm, and part of my new system is “no screen time at least an hour before bedtime” (which is 10pm). I don’t even really have anything else to report today, so that’s fine. 

I’ll check back in tomorrow. 

Th. 1/30/2025

I did, indeed, make some progress in Procedural Modeling today. We went over what swirly dregs of memory that cascaded through this swiss cheese brain— refreshing and re-allowing the opportunity for a better today to learn, and take notes. And I made some progress on my Industrial Table assignment. I hadn’t started it before class today. Here, let me get a screenshot, please hold. 

Yeah, so, it has these broad metal bases, supporting a crank-of-sorts that can elevate the surface. And, as a graduate student, the additional assignment requirement is to make it have parameters to extend the tabletop, and reposition the legs to match. But I feel pretty confident. My sleep was a bit better last night. My brain is now merely a feta cheese— no longer swiss. 
—

I’ve been doing calisthenics in the hallway outside my bedroom. Yesterday and today. Pushups, planks, handstands, elevated-via-chair/windowsill dips, single-leg squats on the same windowsill. It feels good. And it’s good for me. Oft, it is challenging to muster the effort to change my clothes, go out into the sub-freezing weather, and walk to the gym. So I’m glad that I can get some exercise in at home. 

—

I worked on my Blueprints course again tonight. I made minimal progress. The loss-of-immersion has really blown holes through my ability to keep up with the modules— so I got through only a 26 and a 17 minute video. It took an hour. Which, I guess, is better than what I expected— I expected it to take twice as long as the videos. But I had to rewind and pause, peering mole-like at my phone to attempt to discern the nodes on the tiny screen.

I think, en futur, I will connect my laptop to my other monitor, and have the Unreal project on my laptop, with the monitor showing the videos. I hope that my computer can handle that. It would certainly be helpful. I’m just used to working at the table in the hall, and I can’t reasonably lug my monitor out here. 

Anyways! It’s 8:23pm, so I really should finish this up and get off my screens. I don’t have class tomorrow, so I’m going to get up early, and do, like, 3 hours (?) of blueprints modules earlier in the day. I have plans in the evening, so I mustn’t leave it late, as I have been. And then it’s the weekend— with more of the same. 

F. 1/31/2025

Wednesday, during Studio, Seth ordered us pizza. So, before, I called the shop and asked about vegan options— in a pack-a-day New Yorker accent. The shop was called Antonio’s.

“Hey Antonio! I presume! Ya got vegan options?”

People I tell about it don’t believe me, but, fortunately, Seth lives in my building, so he can corroborate. 

I also got the role of Macbeth for our studio project. It’s a Shakespeare fighting game, so there aren’t a lot of lines, but I’m still super psyched. When I was driving to Target yesterday, I was practicing my Hamlet voice. It became more and more gruff and Scottish as I drove— which is a good thing. 

When I was in high school, I would practice my voices driving to and from school. At one point, I started recording a voice memo at the beginning of each trip, and I could listen back— to improve my vocal work, but also just to smile. It was during that time period that I developed my Southern Kermit voice, which became the voice of the garden gnomish-version of HalfCakes— my first ever character, and what my social accounts are referencing. To clarify, I don’t mean “my first ever D&D character”, I mean “the first original character that I drew as a child”. 

Blog Post #13: Ahem, This Thing On?

W. 1/23/2025

I’ve been hard at work. I wasn’t taking notes on the time spent— though I could go back through my journal and review that in there— but I spent roughly three hours each day over winter break working through this Udemy course, titled “Unreal Engine 5 Blueprints - The Ultimate Developer Course”. The entire course length is 41.5 hours, and, as of today, I have completed 28.1 hours of it. I spent significantly more time than the length of the modules, as the math shows— with rewinding and pausing and troubleshooting, I wager that it’s taking roughly twice as long as the module length. 

This course teaches from the ground up, using four games as example projects that I made along with the instructor. I’m almost done with the second one. The first one was a 3D third-person spaceship arcade shooter. I will be taking a lot of the controls and other features from that project, and implementing it into a personal project of mine.

What is this personal project? Well, I was initially going to just recreate Bosconian (1981) in UE5, but I realized that it’d be super dope to do something similar, but from a first-person perspective, and 3D. So the player will be sitting in the cockpit of the spaceship, and I’m thinking about making the first level of this arcadey game as a 3D replication of the first level of Bosconian. I’ve already researched and created a pixelated viewport shader (referencing this YouTube tutorial). The plan is to create detailed 3D models for all of the ships, asteroids, mines, and enemy space stations, then the pixel shader will form this really interesting, dynamic effect of light being cast over moving 3D, ever-shifting pixel graphics.

I’m taking some liberties with the fidelity. The introductory level will be a 3D Bosconian level (lovingly recreated), but the ship the player pilots will have two different starting blasters— one that builds up a red-hot beam of laser energy (especially effective against asteroids), and one that pulses out spiraling, glowing, fish-shaped projectiles. I thought of the fish idea over break while I was lying in bed, just about to fall asleep. I remembered my instruction from the Mindvalley, Jim Kwik-led course, Superbrain, and didn’t want to get out of bed to write it down; instead, I made the idea memorable— I imagined a bunch of slimy fish flopping around beneath the bedcovers around me. And it worked! I remembered it when I got up the next morning. 

I have this idea for a title for this grander spaceship game: Crossed Stars. I wrote about it before, here, about the gameplay loop of taking bounty hunting missions and upgrading the playable ship using mined resources. “Crossed Stars”, like “star-crossed” + “double-crossed”— because I want it to have a character-centric plot that ultimately ends in tragedy. Like I told my D&D players recently during our debrief session, what use is gaining something if there’s not the threat of losing it? And what’s the point in a threat if it’s not acted upon? (In that D&D campaign, multiple players told me, as I was writing for it, that they wanted a found-family arc, and like the sadistic DM that I am, I made that happen... then took it away.)

But I haven’t done anything more for Crossed Stars than making the shader. I’ve been working on finishing the Udemy course before starting on it, because 1) I might learn some new things that will make it easier to achieve, and 2) I still need to round out my blueprints skills ASAP, so that I can work on my Seminar project. 

The second example project in the course is less exciting, though still valuable. It’s a 3D, third-person jetpack platformer. I’m just trying to get through it— still learning, of course— and get to the final two projects— a sidescrolling dungeon hack-n-slash (which I have another project idea for) and a vehicle racing game using the Chaos Vehicles features in UE5.

(What is my sidescrolling idea? I have so many ideas. This one will be set in a haunted manor— very Gothic— but the player is playing as the ghost. It’ll be a pixelated RPG, but the abilities that you upgrade are specific to ghosts. So you could upgrade your stats in “Poltergeist”, and be able to move objects more easily, for example. And the point of the game would be to expel the bands of increasingly-disturbing trespassers— from a group of bold children, all the way up to a cult, using the manor to stage blood sacrifices. I digress.)

Ok, I need to finish this up so that I can work more on the Udemy course. Here is my project proposal for my Seminar project.

Project Description

For this term, I will be developing a functioning prototype of the core mechanic for my Praxis project. Essentially, the movements of a 3rd-person character— specifically the movements of their attacks— will create a trailing streak, which will smear the two-dimensional image of the three-dimensional scene. This smear will act as a smear of wet oil paint composing the scene; the smear of colors, shadows, and details will reconstruct that with which it comes in contact— altering the three-dimensional layout of the environment. The working name for this mechanic is “alla prima”— the artistic term in Italian for wet-on-wet painting.

Regarding the work of this project for this semester, I will finish a Udemy UE5 Blueprints course, I will deconstruct the Viewfinder mechanic by replicating a tutorial video series focused on doing so in UE5, I will learn how to make a refraction trail in a UE5 project (socketed to the weapon of the base character), and I will combine the Viewfinder mechanic with the refraction trail— with a sample environment around to alter.

I will also take steps to ensure that I can afford to work on the larger project over the summer— such as determining if I can stay in my graduate housing/if I need to secure housing, and securing some kind of funding to pay for rent and costs of living. 

Milestone 1 Goals

(February 5th)

I will have completed the Udemy Blueprints course. At this time, I have completed 28.1 hours of modules— though it took significantly longer (maybe twice as much?). There are 13.4 hours of modules left. If I do 1.93 hours each day up until the Milestone, that should be enough to complete the course.

I will contact Student Housing to see whether I can stay in my graduate housing over the summer. If the answer is “no”, then I will begin searching for a sublet.

I will also go on Pivot, a website recommended by Sara Simeone (the Assistant Dean of Graduate Studies) for graduate students seeking funding, and begin searching for grants. 

Also, in Seminar following these proposed milestones, my peers suggested the Epic Megagrants. Upon initial research, it appears to be for instructors— but I’ll look into it further.

Milestone 2 Goals

(February 19th)

I will have replicated the Viewfinder mechanic in UE5, by process of following the two-part YouTube tutorial. The entire length of those videos is roughly 2 hours and 15 minutes. I expect it to take much longer.

I will also continue my Milestone 1 housing goals. Likewise, I will check in with more Clark advisors, to see if they have some new information on grants/funding. 

Milestone 3 Goals

(March 12th)

I will have created a refraction weapon trail effect, and will have imported it into a sample project, socketing it onto the weapon when it swings. There’s a French tutorial series on YouTube that’s 60 hours long. I’m fluent in French, but I assume that it’ll use a lot of game engine-specific vocabulary (which I would have to learn). That tutorial series looks like it creates a higher quality effect than this one— but the latter is 30 minutes and in English. We’ll see how it goes— most likely combining elements from both. 

I will also continue my Milestone 1 housing goals. 

Milestone 4 Goals

(March 26th)

I will commence combining the refraction trail with the Viewfinder mechanic. To do so, there are a few steps that I can foresee:

1) I will have to have a sample project with the 3rd person perspective focused on the weapon-wielding character; I will have to have a colorful sample environment to alter.

2) I will have to figure out how to take the square “lens” of the Viewfinder mechanic, and change that to match the refraction trail, as it’s arcing. 

3) I will have to make sure that the “camera” is positioned very specifically; it will have to represent what the player sees, and not affect the player character.

4) I will have to make sure that the Viewfinder effect takes into account the smear caused by the refraction weapon trail.

I will also continue my Milestone 1 housing goals. 

Milestone 5 Goals

(April 16th)

I will have completed the #4 process and created a functional prototype of the alla prima mechanic. I will also have secured housing and funding to continue work on the larger Praxis project over the summer.

Description of anticipated completed work and how it will help with your current and future studies. In other words, how would you describe the end result of this project that you will be presenting at the conclusion of the semester.

The alla prima mechanic is the core mechanic to my prospective Praxis project. It’s also the most innovative. As a result, it is difficult to even contemplate how to achieve its production. Completing a functional prototype of the mechanic will allow me to advance in the most efficient path towards my Praxis project. It will also provide a clear example of the aspired mechanic, which I will be able to present to more experienced programmers— so they can improve it, if necessary.

I intend to use the alla prima mechanic— and the rest of the Praxis project— as the keystone of my portfolio when applying to studio jobs. It showcases my innovative spirit and the abilities required to achieve the vision.

I think it’s manageable! I have a clear plan on how to create the pieces of alla prima; the struggle will be during the last month of the term, when I will be tasked with putting those pieces together.

Blog Post #12 A Retrospection on the Semester

This semester could’ve been more effective, if I had focused my scope earlier on— and stuck with it. Let me explain.

First off, my Milestones changed drastically— twice. First, I was planning to do pretty much all of the lore, design, and programming for Pareidolia’s vertical slice— starting from no experience in digital design and programming. The Milestones, early on, were not realistic. I had set myself a week to do the alla prima mechanic; I had no idea how to effectively achieve that.

My ideas were explorative, and, I’d say, quite innovative.

From near the beginning of the semester, I knew, theoretically and conceptually, how I would go about the alla prima mechanic— take the tutorial of Viewfinder in UE5, socket the “camera” to a refraction trail, and combine the effects. That is still my plan. 

But looking back, rereading all of my blog posts, the apparent ignorance of the learning process betrayed, well, ignorance. It had been so long since I started learning something new in a new epistemological category that I didn’t know how to approach learning this. I approached this as a project— without knowing the base information necessary to achieve any of it without directly following tutorials. 

And I changed my scope. As I said, twice.

I don’t regret that.

I definitely grew as a character modeler— which was my ultimate focus— and I acquired a broad base of surface-level information on other subjects. But, moving forward, I want to learn more of the “programming” (blueprints) of UE5 to achieve the alla prima mechanic. I just grabbed a blueprint course on Udemy for Cyber Monday discounts. It has tutelage on blueprints, generally, and also teaches how to apply those learnings to four different types of game projects. I am excited to start it. Two of the projects— a space shooter and a 2D dungeon crawler— could easily (hopefully) be co-opted into my Crossed Stars space shooter RPG idea. And it’s all in UE5, so I can learn the basis of blueprints, while applying it to Pareidolia and Crossed Stars. 

I had some technical difficulties. A lot of lost work caused by programs crashing, or not backing up files the right way, or files being corrupted, meshes forming holes in them— but I don’t resent it. I’ve learned how to avoid those technical errors going forward, and have become adept at the digital pipeline. 

Where am I going, prospectively?

My focus for next semester’s Seminar project is designing a playable version of the alla prima mechanic. I will go about this intentionally. I will follow the blueprint course, becoming familiar with UE5 blueprints; I will consecutively deconstruct the Viewfinder UE5 emulation tutorial; I will then learn how to make a refraction weapon trail in AfterEffects (I’ve done some research on this; it shouldn’t be too difficult); I will create a very limited, simple, colorful backdrop for the alla prima mechanic to affect; I will socket the Viewfinder effect to the refraction trail; I will troubleshoot.

I am also going to be looking into getting a grant so that I can stay in town over the summer and continue working on this project. 

I will create a concise GDD/pitch for the project, and reach out in our Discord servers, requesting help on it from any eager potential contributors. I’m not sure what areas of work that I will be requesting help with; I will define that clearly. 

I have come a long way. There is much left to be done. 

We are just beginning.

Blog Post #11 An Endless Night

Su. 11/24/2024

I finished Arcane. 

I watched this video on Trench Crusade, which is a new, grimdark tabletop skirmish game. I started reading the Lore Primer, but haven’t gotten far. That video, though, provided enough tasty info to pique my interest. It’s an alternate history WWI where the holy crusaders found an artefact capable of opening the gates of hell. 800 years later, it is WWI, and you play a handful of soldiers— a mixture of humans and supernatural forces. I love the aesthetic— both in terms of lore, and of the art style. I think I could take a lot of inspiration from it for Ettingrad. It’s also easier to get into than, say, 40k, because of the drastically smaller requisite number of minis. I would love to actually play it. And hey, maybe I could make my own minis! (I’d need to find a resin printer, though.)

I haven’t written anything in a few days, because I had my fashion show Friday night. There was rehearsal Thursday night— which ran late— and then yesterday was a rest day. It was so much fun but also so stressful? Is that possible?

M. 11/25/2024

I tried really hard to finish my self portrait during the grace period (before 9am today)— it’s 5am, and I’ve run into some difficulties. Baking the high poly onto the low poly results in weird blocky textures that look totally unnatural and wrong. I sculpted the beard (it’s not hair cards). Yeah, I don’t really know what to do.

Later.

I started watching Grimm— a kind of Supernatural-esque show on Amazon Prime. I’ve been kind of reeling from the excitement of the weekend— what with my fashion show and all— so I don’t feel too bad for not creating much these last few days. I got through the first three episodes, and I started watching this lore video on Trench Crusade. I want to make my own minis for it, but I need to figure out how to do the shrink wrap thing that Ezra demonstrated in Marvelous Designer— to compress pieces of armor over cloth. 

I think I’m going to brush up on my German. I had been focusing on Latin and Finnish recently— Latin, I think, could be applicable to the lore of Pareidolia: Unbound— but the German language in Grimm reminded me that, of course, some of the most iconic fables originated in Germany.

T. 11/26/2024 - Th. 11/28/2024

I spent the past few days finishing my self portrait for class.

I found an asset for a short hair texture, which I layered atop the preexisting hair sculpt.

I listened to the first three episodes of MCDM’s The Chain, a real-play D&D podcast DMed by Matt Colville, while making the color maps. 

Making the color map of the model took a really long time— I had these really cool psychedelic colors smears, but then the program crashed and the files (and backups) got corrupted— I think because it was using up too much short-term memory. The images above are a more sedate version. I also made a version without the eyepatches— so that Ezra could see the eyes. But that’s not true to the character. 
Last night, I watched this  video on remaking Elden Ring in UE5. It had some good tips on creating the environment.

—

I realize that there is not much to show this week (and it’s a day late), but I had my first fashion show over the weekend— and rehearsals in the days prior— which really occupied most of my spirit around those days.

Blog Post #10 A Return

Th. 11/14/2024

I rewatched this VaatiVidya video on the art of Bloodborne II. I’m going to start playing Bloodborne. I’ve wanted to play soulsborne games for years— I tried playing Elden Ring a bit, but didn’t get very far; I’ve owned Bloodborne for ages, but I’ve never booted it up. I know that soulslikes are challenging, and that I am not a very skilled gamer— but I am motivated to play the genre, especially Bloodborne. I think it will be a great inspiration for Pareidolia: Unbound, in addition to Crossed Stars (set in the same Ettingrad setting), and The Mongrel Sings (my current writing project).

Later.

I just spent about an hour troubleshooting placing my Google Doc of my final homebrew into an InDesign document— for Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost, 2nd Edition. I have four new subclasses, bringing the number of subclasses for the twelve base, official classes up to an even 50! I lost the InDesign file for v.1 when I was upgrading my storage, so I have to reformat it all. I’m trying to work smart, not hard— so if I do proper research and planning, I should be able to format it way easier than last time. And if I do a small portion each day— like five subclasses a day— then it’ll take like two months, tops.

I added an additional foreword— the essay I wrote about realities for the Clark Dean’s Scholarship. I think it adds a nice philosophical nature to the start of the book.

Later.

I played Bloodborne for about half an hour. Minimal troubleshooting getting the PS4 set up. I like it so far! I mean, I knew I would. I’m still a bit concerned about the difficulty— as I am not a skilled gamer— but skill can be developed. And for this game, I am dedicated to learning from it.

Later.

I got hooked in reformatting my book. I set a time to stop working on it, but I had gotten into a groove with the repetitive motions— and I was concerned that if I stopped for the day, I’d forget the flow— and next thing I know, all of it— all over 300 pages of it— is done. Obviously I’m going to proofread the hell out of it.

For the personalized dedications to my players, I think I’m going to publish individual, unique author copies with typed notes in the front— and send those straight to them. I think it’ll be easier, and definitely faster.

Sa. 11/16/2024

I went to bed early last night, and got up at like 7:30am! I have to polish up the neck and head of my model for my Modeling class assignment, and I sat down and used some alphas to add pores— but I shortly realized that there were holes in the back of the model— including the back of the head. Dynameshing it was a mess; it just made a bunch of spiraling holes throughout the entire thing. I messaged Ezra about it. Waiting on a reply. I tried filling the holes in Blender— first by filling all of them, then just the one on the head (because that’s all I need for this assignment), and remeshing it, but when I re-imported the OBJ back into ZBrush, it just imported a fan of edges— that didn’t look anything like a head. I resigned myself to having to start over.

I spent a bit of time, taking the premade planar head, but I’m having technical difficulties. The planes are getting messed up. For some reason, the head is angled off-center, and I can’t fix it (even by just moving it, because it’s not perfect— and I need perfect for X mirroring). I got frustrated. And I’m going to let it lie for tonight. 

I also watched Pt. 2 of Season 2 of Arcane— twice. Isha is my favorite character. Also, the visual effects this season are a real step up— and they weren’t bad Season 1. The oily iridescence effect associated with the Arcane is really captivating. 

I have a couple of hours before my monthly online D&D game with my undergrad friends. I’m not sure what I’m going to do right now. I already finished eating for the day. 

Su. 11/17/2024 - M. 11/18/2024

I was having some emergent technical difficulties with my Alice model— which I had planned to use for my Organic Modeling self-portrait assignment. Frustrated and draining enthusiasm for that particular model— and excited about my character from my monthly online D&D game with my undergrad friends— I decided to start from scratch for the assignment. I spent 14 hours straight this night making it. I finished all of the sculpt, and even did hair cards— but in class today, I asked about how to UV the cards— of which I had 9,000.

Lucy Weirdbeard, the blind lookout.

T. 11/19/2024

I’m working on the Level Design assignment for my worldbuilding class. I have to define qualities of the enemies in this particular level— including “Attributes”. I’m not really sure what I want to have in terms of stats, so I did a quick YouTube search, and found this video:

Stat System Design - Creating Rpg Game

But I clicked off of it expeditiously. Setting a stat system is attested, and therefore non-innovative. I quickly found the first video for Miscast’s Arcane Ugly TTRPG devlog. (Ep. 1)

I remembered that Trent from Miscast threw away standard stats, in favor of a more complex inventory system— at least, that’s what Arcane Ugly was, ep. 1. A “class-less, level-less” system. I’m really interested in a complex trading/crafting system— in which the player of Pareidolia: Unbound acquires materials (folkparts and artefacts), and can either craft items from them, or trade them for products— maybe even trading your own products for other things? So having an inventory-based attribute system would make sense for this game. 

Essentially, you would have inventory slots— a slot for headwear, etc.— and you can equip up to that maximum— gaining the benefits of the gear equipped. I’m thinking about having a “tag” system, instead of quantitative buffs; each item would have at least one quality (in a multi-branched tier system), which would buff (or debuff) certain abilities of the player character.

Watching that Miscast video.

Ideas:

- A jousting minigame.

- There is no player character death in the game; there is a complex injury/dismemberment system.

—> I definitely want there to be a dismemberment mechanic for attacking enemies, but what if the eldritch power sustaining Alice (the MC) is such that he can continue despite grievous injuries? So, as long as he can move, he can continue. And certain injuries/amputations have tags, as well— and those will affect his performance and ability.

I’m inspired by TTRPGs. What if— in the UI— there are dice rolled— the amount depending on your active tags— to resist mal-effects? (Like dismemberment). So when a powerful attack hits you, in the bottom right corner of the screen, there’s a dice contest between you and the attacker. 

A bit later.

Here’s what I have for the worldbuilding Level Design assignment. It’s about the vertical slice for this project.

Level

What are the basics of your level? What is the player meant to do or see here? 

This level is physically the hovel of the witch Bena.

Main Objective

Defend the hovel against an onslaught of fairy tale creatures.

Sub Objectives

Practice the alla prima mechanic; rescue Rook the binder faerie from the oven.

Environment

The hovel is a three-story radially symmetric building, composed of rotting planks, rough stones, and sticks. It rests deep in the Wyrdwoods of the Epilogue. The Wyrdwoods have the canopy and understory of a rainforest, with the floor of a swamp.

Mechanics

What mechanics are utilized throughout this level? What can the player interact with? What will make them want to play this level again and again? 

The primary mechanic that is taught is the alla prima mechanic— using the MC’s flail to reconstruct the environment around him. Other key mechanics are attacking with said flail, switching combat stances (to one of four), dodging (not rolling, but sidestepping), and interacting with various objects.

The player will be able to open and close doors and windows, pour salt— both around entrances and on enemies— and, before the encounter commences, they will be able to explore the hovel, interacting with various objects strewn about.

The primary foci of the encounter are to 1) introduce the player to key mechanics, and 2) introduce them to the setting and the types of creatures that they will encounter as the game progresses. It’s not really supposed to be replayed— except when starting the game afresh.

Rewards

Defending the hovel and rescuing Rook the binder faerie will allow the player to be able to upgrade their stats (Rook helps with that); they will have gained XP from the encounter, as well as various folkparts with which they can upgrade their gear.

Punishment

If the player character is defeated in combat, they will have to start the level over again— from the point when the onslaught begins.

Items

1) Masinry the stone snake flail, 2) folkparts scavenged from defeated Folk, 3) Rook’s quill and ink (to be used in the stat upgrade process)

Secrets

Bena explains the sound of the baby crying as her nephew in the other room, but if the player moves through the hovel, the sound gets louder closer to the kitchen; Rook is being cooked in the oven. The witch is deceitful— acting kindly despite her harrowing appearance. It is a requisite part of the level to rescue Rook, but the attack begins right before the player has a chance to.

Puzzles

I don’t intend on there being any puzzles, currently.

Mechanics

See above.

People

Many characters and NPCs can appear in your levels. Who will your players interact with and in what ways? 

Attributes. I’m not planning on having stats. I’m inspired by Miscast’s early versions of Arcane Ugly (a TTRPG he made), with a “class-less, level-less” system. Instead of stats and levels, there will be a more comprehensive inventory system, with gear slots. You can equip up to your maximum for each gear area (head, etc.), and the gear has “tags”— qualitative attributes (instead of quantitative stats). 

   And NPCs will have tags, as well, which will, I think, create a more immersive experience than numerical values. Enemies will have a handful of tags— connected to scavengable folkparts following their demise— which will affect their abilities.

Tags. An example would be “Poison”. In this example, equipping an item with “poison” would inflict the “poisoned” debuff on the victim (the person being attacked, etc.). If that victim has an item with the “Stout” tag, they would ignore the “Poison” tag.

Enemies. There will be at least 20 distinct enemies— and some with multiples. They are split into the following categories. 

NPCs

Art

Every level should have a distinct identity. How will you use different art elements to create this level’s identity? 

Mood

Whimsical, grimy, fantastical

Lighting

Golden hour

Color Palette

Warm/earth tones (interior); secondary (green, purple, orange) (Wyrdwoods)

Objects/Clutter

Inside the hovel are countless journals, books, trinkets, and other paraphernalia that a witch would acquire— all in states of disrepair and disorganization (due to her blindness).

Aesthetic

Oil painting

Ambiance

Pre-encounter (cozy); encounter (frenetic)

Story 

As this is a narrative design course, narratively, how does your level fit into the overall story? And how will you tell a story throughout the level? 

Bena the witch kidnapped Rook the binder faerie from the Court of Whim (her former court, before being exiled). This level introduces the player to the setting as a fantastical land filled with myriad whimsical creatures, and introduces them to the socio-political structure. 

Where does it fit in the story? 

Near the beginning

Plot elements

- Exposition: Bena invites Alice into her home, and explains, cryptically, the general situation of the Epilogue setting.

- Rising action: Alice nears the oven and discerns that the baby is inside; the assault starts.

- Climax: Nøkken tears the roof off and eats Bena.

- Falling action: The Folk pause the assault to investigate Alice.

- Resolution: Alice opens the iron oven for them, and retrieves Rook.

Explicit storytelling elements

Dialogue; inspecting various books in the hovel.

Implicit storytelling elements

The objects in the hovel betray a sinister nature to the witch.

Emergent storytelling elements

I’m honestly still a bit confused by this concept— but this level is pretty linear, so I think there wouldn’t be much emergent storytelling elements. 

Map

Create a simple map of your level. Include important elements like landmarks, NPCs, and interactable elements. 

Very basic. This assignment was significantly more complex than I had become accustomed to expecting from this class, and by this point, I was getting a bit worn out.

Flow Chart

Every level has a designed pathway the player is meant to play through. What might this path look like in your level? 

Pretty linear, but it is just a vertical slice.

I researched stat systems a bit more— in particular this video. 

What Makes A Good Stat System? - Sol Devlog

I still think that a “tag” system would be more interesting for Pareidolia, but it seems imperative to know how to make an alternative to the stat system with it; understand, then change. 

I didn’t use it for my Clark application, but for my other grad school applications, I included the rules for an original Trading Card TTRPG— I think I called it On Fickle’s Whim? It had issues. It was really cool, to be fair— with over 60 cards tied to abilities and spells, and it even had a set of rules for PVP tournament play— where you could gamble your cards, with the winner taking them. But it had too many rules. No gamemaster could be expected to know all of the rules necessary to build a good campaign.

I was inspired by my favorite book, Epic by Conor Kostick. In that book, there’s an MMO that the colony of New Earth uses for entertainment, but primarily as a conflict resolution system. They’re extreme pacifists, having left Earth due to war. The game, Epic, is the economic system and the legal system. In that game, there are “hundreds” of character classes, all with a unique set of abilities. Epic works where On Fickle’s Whim doesn’t; it’s a video game. There is no gamemaster; there is only a computer presenting those hundreds of options— fully familiar with them, and, thus, able to adjudicate them. 

I think Pareidolia: Unbound could be my answer to On Fickle’s Whim. Maybe not as complex as hundreds of classes— but complex enough with its tag system. And, since its a video game, I can present all of those tags tied to a myriad of items— and it’ll just improve the game. 

—

There are two upcoming games that I’ve been watching demo content from recently: Soulframe and Crimson Desert. They both seem very much like my kind of game: 3rd person single player action games. Crimson Desert is releasing quarter two 2025; Soulframe is apparently releasing 2025, as well. 

—

Later.

I want to have dismemberment in Pareidolia: Unbound. Lots of it. Dismembering non-Formidables (so every enemy except bosses; bosses require alla prima), but also dismembering the player character. Blood magic is huge in this game. I had an idea a while back of having a ranged attack where you launch your literal knucklebones at enemies— destroying the left hand and forearm of the character. It has a recharge time— how long it takes to regenerate the limb. 

But now I’m also thinking about having the player character not have hit points, but instead attacks on him have a chance of dismembering him, too. Fleeting Injuries can regenerate in a short period of time— within that combat encounter (special items can reduce the regen time)— and grievous injuries last until you rest at a save point. 

So, the player character will stay alive even with mass dismemberment— they’ll just be limited in their abilities and movement. 

I watched this video on dismemberment in UE5. I definitely need to learn blueprints, because I did not understand any of what was shown. 

I also saw that there’s a plugin call “EnGore” that automates dismemberment with any skeletal mesh— even with optional blood splatters. 

Here’s the setup video for EnGore.

—

I got distracted on YouTube and came across this video about “moldy” worldbuilding— worlds eating themselves— typically after an apocalypse, but not necessarily. How could I make Epilogue a moldy setting? It is, quite literally, what came after a great tragedy.

W. 11/20/2024

Griff informed me that EnGore must be bought. I just looked it up. It’s $95. That’s honestly not much for a procedural addon of that quality, but I don’t currently have an income. Dismemberment shall have to wait. Which is fine. 

I reached out to some people at Clark, and got referred along a chain of people directing me to more appropriate individuals— about grants. I really want to get a grant to work on Pareidolia: Unbound over the summer here in town. (I don’t really want to go back to California.) I was referred to Pivot-RP, an institutional funding website designed to help academics further their research. I set up my account, but I still need to fill out my profile. 

To secure a grant, I assume that I should have a clear set of project goals and foci. Here’s a few ideas:

1. Alla prima. Obviously. This is the core mechanic unique to the project. Reshaping the environment around you, smearing two-dimensional paint to create a new three-dimensional environment. I have a basic idea of how I’m going to go about this. I’m going to follow and deconstruct the Viewfinder in UE5 tutorial; I’m going to have a basic attack animation, with a refraction weapon trail; I’m going to make the refraction trail the “photo” for the procedural environment generation. I think it’d be easier to do what I initially started— toggle into 1st person perspective when using alla prima, but I think that would be really jarring, in terms of gameplay. I also want to do what God of War (2018) did, with one seamless shot— so toggling between perspectives would directly oppose that. 

2. Inventory and Crafting. I’m listing these together because they’re connected, and because the inventory system won’t take much work. As of now, Pareidolia will be level-less and class-less— with abilities tied to gear equipped. For the inventory system, I want it to be a two-dimensional UI where the shapes and sizes of the items must be configured (Tetris-style)— the only limit to your inventory is how much you can pack onto your person. Griff had a cool idea of the MC’s backpack literally swelling as more is packed into it. But not everything will be in the backpack. Oh! Wait! There could be a grid for the backpack— where items must be configured geometrically— and then a standard paper doll of the character, where gear can be placed on certain body parts. Those two systems would show up side-by-side whenever you access the inventory. 

In terms of crafting, I want to implement a scavenging-and-crafting system. Whenever you slay an enemy, you can loot their body, and if they are Folk, scavenge folkparts. I’ve talked about those before. Ex. The middle finger of Baba Jaga, etc. Depending on the tags that that creature had in life, the folkparts can be combined with other items to impose that tag onto the resulting creation. You can also scavenge materials just from the environment, with similar effects. The tags of items equipped on your paper doll affect either your abilities, or the effects of the bound item. An easy example for the latter is imposing the Poison tag onto your crucifix, the stone snake whip. Attacks with that weapon will poison the struck target (not sure what that will effectively do yet), and, if you activate alla prima with it, it changes the refraction trail. 

So I need to have a system based on the tags, and a generative system where items can be combined to create visually unique new products— with those tags.

3. Dismemberment. If I get a grant, purchasing EnGore will be one of the first steps in this process. With that addon, you can swap in different gore effects, so I’m thinking of changing the blood to ink. That will take some research. I also want to modify it to have smaller parts of the body able to be dismembered. This is for enemies, but also for the player character. Fleeting Injuries and Grievous Injuries. The former will regenerate during the active combat; the latter will regenerate after the next rest (at a save point, similar to the iconic bonfire). There are no hit points; there is just a constant reduction of ability and movement; you can keep fighting as long as you physically have the limbs to do so. Is this balanced? I don’t know. But it’s interesting! And new!

—

I’m taking a quick Inspiration BreakTM. Rewatching an Arcane Ugly devlog. This one. I just clicked on it from the playlist, and it’s perfect for the ideas that I’m throwing around. Wands in Arcane Ugly have qualitative modifiers, like “fiery” or “combustive” or “grotesque”. When you cast a spell with a wand, the modifier affects that casting of the spell. So Ronin Firefist’s Little Book of Big Summons’ frog conjuration spell of d100 ft. size— with the “combustive” modifier on the wand used— would create an explosive frog. Sound familiar?

Yeah, Arcane Ugly is a big inspiration for the tag system that I’m developing for Pareidolia.

The same episode talks about magical tattoos. Which is also interesting in how I thoughtlessly picked which video to watch— because I had this idea early on that your character progresses through Rook the Binder Faerie doing tattoos on the player character during rests, detailing in words and images the events since the last tattoo session. That was when I was still planning on having an XP/level system. I still want those cinematics of Rook tattooing Alice— probably with the camera panning away from the tattoo until it’s done. What effect would those tattoos have? Not sure yet. Maybe an alternative set of tags could be baked into the biology of the player character himself? That’s actually a dope idea. Maybe that’s how the player gains magic? I’ve always thought of this game as the Bloodbound class (a homebrew class that I made for D&D 5e— it has 20 subclasses!) as a game; the bloodbound binds magick to their biology. I hadn’t planned on the MC actually having magic spells; I just planned on him having the knucklebones ranged attack and the regeneration— but spells could be really cool! This is turning into a much bigger project— which I love.

Blog Post #9 Adventure Awaits

F. 11/8/2024

I started modeling the gothic carvings in Alice’s stone upper arm. I do not enjoy modeling, but for this, at least, it’s easier than sculpting. Here’s what I have so far.

It’s the night between Thursday and Friday— on the Friday side of midnight.

Later.

I watched this tutorial on creating stylized hair in Blender. It seems pretty simple— or, at least, much simpler than realistic hair. 

I’m watching this tutorial on making any type of stylized hair. One question that I’ve had for a while about Blender in general was the hotkey for Mirroring. It’s Cntrl + M.

Shift + T to twist. Alt + S to scale.

Later.

 I modeled the Boolean cutout for the faces of the upper arm, but for some reason when I activate the Boolean modifier, it’s doing this (below), instead of cutting the shape out.

Later.

I thought that maybe I misremembered how to Boolean, so I refreshed my memory with this tutorial. However, whenever I try to switch the operand from object to collection, Blender freezes, and then subsequently crashes.

Also this morning I tried getting back into Hyper Light Drifter (2016), but my saved game is a decent portion in, and the enemies are therefore more challenging— I’ve forgotten the gameplay strategies/skills. I think I’m going to start a new game— just start from fresh. I wanted to play it again because I’m inspired by the art style of the characters. For Crossed Stars, when Aster (the captain) is outside of the ship, I don’t want the characters to look chibi— like standard RPG Maker— or taller— like Stardew Valley— so I think I’m going to design custom sprites with a similar art direction as Hyper Light Drifter.

Blender is still frozen.

found the Bool Tool addon alternative to the Boolean modifier. Something is horrendously wrong; it’s only cutting out part of the influencer— and part of it is actually adding to the base mesh.

Sa. 11/9/2024

I reworked Rachel for our presentation at the expo tomorrow (today?).

I based my edits on Ezra’s input. Now I need to finish up our expo slideshow.

Later.

The expo was great! Could’ve used more vegan food options (I got pretty hungry), but still, great!

There was one booth for Indiepocalypse, a video game curation business. Andrew at the booth had these little cassette tape cases with artwork and everything— containing USB drives with, on average, ten games each on them! It was a dope idea. 

Later.

I watched Arcane (S.2, Pt. 1). I’m not sure what the difference was, but it didn’t carry as much of a punch as when I first watched season 1. 

Su. 11/10/2024

I worked on the stylized hair option for both my Organic Modeling class and my Seminar MC, Alice. I worked about 4 hours (1am-5am)— and boy! Even stylized hair takes a long time. It’s cool, though— now whenever I go to get a haircut, I can model what I want the result to look like. 

I’m basing the hairstyle on Damiano David’s, circa Loneliest. I’m following this tutorial.

I’m going to bring my laptop to class today, to work on this further when we have time to work on this assignment.

M. 11/11/2024

In class, Ezra took a look at the hair work (shown above), and informed me that it would be completely useless for game design. The polygons are so dense. So, he walked me through using hair cards.

It is taking multiple tries to get them set up correctly. First, I didn’t copy the Bezier curves with the cards. Then, the curves we unaligned with the cards. Now, I need to make smaller curves to fit the shorter hair textures (on the right).

T. 11/12/2024 - W. 11/13/2024

Let’s see. I reworked the Algonale/Alice model, I sculpted the crucifix arm— including gothic-inspired designs and International Phonetic Alphabet symbols— I sculpted the clothes, and I painted it all in ZBrush.

I presented my progress (and hair prep) in Seminar. I’m going to have to re-texture in Substance Painter, obviously, but I wanted something showy to present. The half-cape is dope. The giant gingko leaf pauldrons are whimsical. The hand-carved crucifix designs are eldritch. I’m going to put embroidered designs on the vest, lace the two halves together in Blender, and create the shoelaces, in Blender, as well. The yellow piping will be more golden-threaded and brocaded.

For the hair, I’m going for a medium length on the sides and back, with braids going from the temples back to the back of the head, and choppy, uneven bangs like Powder from Arcane Season 1. Oh! And he’ll have the tattoos on the back of his neck. 

Alice is going to be the Epilogue-reincarnated form of Algonale, from The Mongrel Sings, my writing project. He is inspired by the question: What would Margane from Tabletop Champions be like as a child? And what went wrong? Now I know where to take this character.
Later.

I got some answers to my questions in the presentation today. For close-to-scalp braids, I can use hair cards. For floppy braids, I can either model and bake, or use the Braidify addon in Blender. I’ll try both. 

I will also implement roughness variation to create more satisfying visuals.

Blog Post #8 Argh I Almost Forgot

W. 10/30/2024

I didn’t sleep last night. I stayed up until like 2:30am working on the Studio and Seminar projects, and at that point, it seemed likely that I would sleep through an alarm. So I stayed up. 

I had roughly 20 hours of work done in the past week to show for this Milestone (4), so I felt pretty confident during my presentation. I also had specific questions at the end— mostly about modeling— and I got some good feedback. 

For Studio, I had forgotten to include the time spent on each task, but I managed to verbalize it. I’ll remember for next time. Adam and Dia critiqued my Rachel model. Key takeaway: work with specific references for each part.

I finished my overdue Totem Pole assignment tonight. I managed to UV it, bake it, and texture it in one sitting. That was pretty magical.

If I can submit my insect assignment by Monday, I’ll be caught up in all of my courses. Seems reasonable.

I played Final Fantasy XVI for about an hour and a half today. It is masterful. I’m playing on easy mode (so special attacks are pretty much keybound to the standard attack button), but it doesn’t feel droll. It’s cinematic, and I feel like I’m growing. Additionally, when I close my eyes, I can see Clive’s acrobatics behind my eyelids. It’s wonderful to know that I, until recently, could do that kind of gymnastics. 

(Also, “Keybound”? A musical bloodbound? I’m making an updated Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost, so I have the liberty to add stuff.)

Th. 10/31/2024

It’s Halloween. I’m not really doing anything for it.

I slept late. I don’t feel bad about it. I needed the rest.

I’ve been thinking. Planning isn’t going to help my oversleeping. I can’t think my way out of it— but, ironically, I’ve been thinking— and if I can identify what core needs my oversleeping is satisfying, I can replace the behavior with something more productive.

I played FFXVI another hour and a half today. I played it earlier (I just ended at 6:15pm), so that my roommate isn’t kept up by the sound of my button-mashing. It really is a spectacle. Spoiler: it was apparent that Clive was the Ifrit Eikon from the beginning, but it was an example of narrative irony, because Clive didn’t know that. Now he does. There was some really good voice acting this session. “I won’t let you... stand in my way!” This line was delivered pretty slowly, but it was filled with passion, and the resonance in the voice actor’s voice was evocative.

In this game, the Eikons are modeled after real-world legendary mythological creatures. It’s kinda sabotaging every other game dev by doing this; now, if we were to name any of our characters after one of those creatures— or even, any other mythological legendary creature— it would just appear that we were copying FFXVI.

F. 11/1/2024

It is 4:09 am, and I’ve been working on the Insect modeling assignment since 6pm last night. So, 10 hours? Wild. Here’s what I have.

I started on it yesterday at 6pm. I’ve been working nonstop. The only reason I’m taking a break is because Blender won’t let me zoom in to the seams for UVing it. It started by letting me mark seams easily, but for some reason, the viewport just won’t let me zoom in past a certain point. It works in Layout mode, but I need to be in UV Editing mode to, you know, edit UVs. 

Sa. 11/2/2024

I figured out the issue with the zooming. And I did the UV, the baking, and the texturing. It started out just as a creepy spider, but it turned into the Nameless, the big bad from my favorite completed D&D campaign that I ran, years ago. For the texturing, I experimented with gouache and metallics, layering low-opacity strokes in different colors over a dark base. I had some trouble getting the angles of the renders right, so I sent the below image to Ezra for review, before submitting it.

Oh yeah, and it 1:24 am. 

I went to sleep at like 6am yesterday, woke up just before 2pm, and I’m going to do the same tonight. I didn’t oversleep yesterday— like 8 hours— but I oversleep if I go to bed early— so, as I told my mum, I might as well play with the current rules instead of hoping they’ll change.

It’s supposed to look like an oil slick on wet asphalt. The left-most image is the POV of the Player Characters standing below it, atop the library of Elderville.

I dragged all of my tech stuff out into the hallway— so I can work late without disturbing my roommate. 

Later.

I started watching Hazel Brown’s Realtime Hair Tutorial series, but I halted my progress after realizing that I don’t even know how to navigate in Maya. So, I watched about half of this tutorial— claiming that I could learn Maya in twenty minutes. I got the gist. 

I also drafted a new Druid subclass during a break. It’s called the “Circle of the Eternal Green”— it’s about becoming a warden of nature powerful enough to preserve it. It might just be my exhausted state— I’ll get into that next— but the concept doesn’t feel very clear.

My exhausted state. I’m concerned that staying up until the morning might be a bad idea today. My mind doesn’t feel sharp, and I’m trying to learn complicated new skills. I also am going to have a call with my aunt around 2pm (it’s her birthday)— but 2pm is when I woke up yesterday. Will I be able to get up early enough to be alert for the call?

Later.

It’s nighttime again. I’m going to be working on stuff for this Seminar project, but I got some feedback from Ezra on my spider model, so I’m working on that, first. I made the legs more angular, and inflated the joints. Now it looks even more disgusting. Zremeshing was getting rid of my surface detail, so I found this video on projecting detail from a previous version history onto the remesh. I’m waiting on the remesh to load, currently.

It worked! Now I need to re-UV it, then I can re-bake it, and re-texture it.

Su. 11/3/2024

I wrote a bit more of The Mongrel Sings. I have seven chapters drafted now. It’s 43 pages so far. If I write five pages a day through November, I can reach the 50,000 word count for NaNoWriMo. That’s roughly 166 pages.

It’s really weird, because writing Chapter 7: Like Birds, I had the idea of the martyrs who captured Algonale being unvirtuous— of really showing that anyone could be a bad person— but as I was writing, it quickly turned into those captors being slavers. And I had the idea of “deathdays”, where martyrs can know someone’s day of death. This interacts with the now existing slave trade; buyers can know exactly how long their investment will last. 

And martyrs don’t celebrate birthdays; they celebrate the anniversary of the day that they will die.

And Jesus, sitting in a chair so much, for so long, is destroying my ass. I need to exercise— or do anything active— but I’m so focused on creating these works of art— it feels all-consuming.

Later.

I had to spend all night reworking the spider model. For some reason, the high poly model had four legs in slightly different spots from the low poly— but I only realized that after doing the UVs and the baking— so I had to re-remesh, re-UV, re-bake, and then...

M. 11/4/2024

I just finished and submitted it. It’s 4:34am. 

It looks really good.

Tasks going forward today:

1. Write for NaNoWriMo

2. Re-sculpt Rachel

3. Worldbuilding assignment

4. Marvelous Designer tutorial

4.1. Find clothing references

5. Sculpt Alice’s stone arm

6. Oh, and, of course, class.

Later.

I had a cup of decaffeinated chai. I’m fasting, but since my last meal was at 1am, I’m breaking my fast at 5pm. I might breakfast a bit earlier. That’s a bit late. 

RPG Maker MZ is on sale! And with the bundle of RPG Maker XP (the Ruby coding one), it’s actually cheaper than just buying MZ by itself— $42.

Later.

I finished Monkey Man (2024).

Later.

It’s been a while since I presented a piece in front of my Modeling class. I’ve been behind for multiple assignments— and, of course— going reverse alphabetical— I was last to be shown— so all of the critiques I heard before mine arrived— they all piled up like an unwholesome mess of bones carrying me down to a personal Hell of waiting. 

But when it was my turn— after everyone else had gone— none of those other critiques were relevant to my work. Everyone really seemed to love it— Ezra included. All that worry— it was all for naught. 

I think it helped that I had 1) sent him the first draft over the weekend— so he could see that I had improved upon it, and 2) I had a story. The choices that I made were all purposeful. That petrichor spyder, it had a narrative. Over a year of preparing and playing a D&D campaign— all of that interplay with my players and the months of writing beforehand; Elderville was the best campaign that I ever completed. And that spider— that model— it held all of that.

Later.

I watched The King’s Man.

T. 11/5/2024

I’ve been nocturnal for roughly the past week. Does that make me predator or prey? Am I a craven mouse scuttling from hidey hole to another— afraid of the light of the sun— or am I a panther? This morning, I watched Kingsman: Secret Service. I’ve been sleeping less— sleeping when the sun is up— but I fear that my extra time is overbearing upon me. I stay up all night— I start to work on a creative project— but for the past couple days, I end the night— and start the morning— watching a movie that I’ve already seen— that I will get nothing out of.

Why do I do this?

W. 11/6/2024

I woke up at 8:15pm last night.

It’s 4:42am currently. I wrote a bit for The Mongrel Sings. The odd thing is, I’ve been writing less— I think because of NaNoWriMo. I started writing this project a couple of weeks ago— just for the pleasure of it. But now that I have a goal of 50,000 words— 166 pages, roughly— I’m not enjoying it anymore. Or, at least, not as much. 

I started watching Good Will Hunting.

Earlier this night, I was trying to sculpt Alice’s stone arm— but sculpting hard planes is, well, hard in ZBrush. And I’m anxious to do it in Blender. I have a bit of a creative block around Blender; it doesn’t feel like art— it also doesn’t help that I’m not intuitively good at it.

I had scheduled this night at the beginning of it. I was supposed to watch a Blender hair tutorial at 4am. At 4:30am, I was supposed to play a game. 

I did resculpt Rachel. Something still seems off about her. I fixed her face, and fingers, and feet, and removed the fusion between her legs— but it doesn’t feel real.

I think I’m going to shower.

Yesterday morning, at 6am, I went on a run. It’s been months since I’ve been that active. I finished with some hills on campus, but I walked home. I was so winded, that even after walking all the way home, collapsing on the couch in the lounge— I was still breathing ragged. 

I signed up for an MMA trial class for tonight. My mum is terrified that I’m going to get another concussion. But I told her— I said that I didn’t intend on sparring; I’m not going to get hit. I just want to learn how to throw some punches— and maybe spend some nights beating on a punching bag.

Later.

I ended up postponing my MMA class. I was too tired, and I wanted to get some sleep after class before my night.

I have my initial fitting for a fashion show in town tomorrow! I’m psyched.

I found these below references for the lancet window Boolean design that I’m going to model in Blender tonight— for Alice’s stone arm— the upper arm section.

Since the design is small, I think I’m going to structure the arch like the verdigris one on the left, and the circular window like either the bottom middle or the top right of the second image. 

Something else that I’m going to work on tonight is the base GDD for my RPG Maker space pirate game, Crossed Stars. I’m going to define the base gameplay loop, the core mechanics, and the elevator pitch. And I’m going to download RPG Maker MZ and follow some tutorials to get started.

I watched this video on designing gameplay loops. For Crossed Stars, I have multiple gameplay elements that I want to include, but I don’t currently have a way to connect them all together in a satisfying loop. For example, there will be the Bounty quests— where you go to hubs to peruse the lists of bounties put out on various space criminals, you choose one, then you go explore the Soul Leak, following up on clues to track the bounty, ultimately engaging in spaceship combat with them. (Actually, that sounds pretty cohesive.) 

But there are other elements that I want to involve, as well, such as the mining mechanic. To upgrade your ship, you need materials. To get the materials, you go out into asteroid belts and use your laser drill to mine ores, etc. from the asteroids. Then you can go to a hub to exchange the materials for upgrades. In-world, that is through supplying a mechanic with the resources, which they then use to make the requested upgrades. 

But how do I link these two loops— the Bounty quests and the Mining operations?

And what about shopping? Any good exploration game has shopping. What about you use the credits that you earn from Bounty quests, or from selling excess ore, to go to hubs and buy stuff? What stuff should you be able to buy? 

One idea I have is a gambling system. When you bring in a bounty, you get paid. You can choose to go to one of the many space casinos and engage in gambling games. How will I do that? I don’t know yet. But, essentially, you have the option to risk your payment to potentially receive a bigger reward. 

Later.

I had an idea— two ideas, actually. We’ll do the more superficial one first. Two words: space drugs. At the space casinos where you carouse after a job, there are a number of illicit substances that you can partake in. And the long-term effects of that consumption is like an RPG; you gain status buffs/debuffs based on your progression of addiction. 

Second idea. To link the mining/upgrading with the bounty hunting, you can either research the mark before hunting them down— and make preemptive upgrades to your ship to better handle the challenge— or your ship is damaged during the fight— so after, you retire to the mechanic and get some repairs done— and while you’re there, you might as well make some upgrades. 

Blog Post #7: An Inch Closer

Well, more than an inch.

I’m catching up! I am still behind in my modeling class, but the upcoming assignment is a self portrait, so I’m going to two-birds-one-stone just use the head and neck of Alice (my MC) for it— since I modeled the face after mine. That should give me some breathing room to catch up more.

I was really concerned that I wouldn’t have enough work to show this sprint— since I presented last week— but I actually managed to get almost 20 hours of work done for this project during the past week! Big wins.

Let’s get into it.

T. 10/22/2o24

Let’s see... I reworked the Rachel blockout. I also finished the blog post due tomorrow, and made a rather lackluster slideshow for my missed Sprint 3.
I also played Elderfield about 30 minutes more tonight. And, wow, it’s just a demo— but there’s so much going on in that game! There are a multitude of quests— some interacting with others, like the Ben/Pumpkid vs. Babysitting one— the areas are really intriguing, and it finds a way to work in this really subtle narrative— through dialogue and the radio/weather reports.

W. 10/23/2o24

I presented for Milestone 3 in class today. In Studio, I felt prepared and competent. I do need to get a lunchbox or something, because my lunches of two lemon zest Luna bars, a can of pineapple juice, and a handful of granola is not cutting it.

Later. 

I came back to the grad studio after eating dinner (at like 4pm) to work on modeling the MC for my Seminar project, Alice. I worked on it for about three hours. It’s 8pm now. Modeling still isn’t fun, but at least I got all of the mirror modifiers to work as expected. I got everything done except for the arms and hands. I might just copy the ones from Rachel on, and resize them. 

I used the Pomodoro technique again, taking breaks to work on The Mongrel Sings. I didn’t get very far— just like a page. Things are starting to pop off plot-wise, though! I get to really expand upon the mystical second-language world— which provides ample opportunity to indulge in experiential consistency and soft worldbuilding. 

I looked into RPG Maker more (for Crossed Stars, my space RPG). I found this tutorial on creating airships that you can enter from the broader map. You can also fly that ship around the map— it likewise demonstrated how this technique basically creates a new map that is the inside of the airship. All of this could be very useful— if I decide to purchase RPG Maker and make it in that. 

I also watched a short video on making real-time combat (instead of turn-based)— which I would use for ship combat. I cannot find that video again, unfortunately, but there are others out there that I can reference, going forward. 

I’m heavily leaning towards using RPG Maker— primarily because it is purportedly very beginner-friendly. I don’t have time or energy to learn coding or blueprints right now, so anything that helps, well, helps.

Later.

I finished the draft of the third chapter of The Mongrel Sings. Chaos unfolded, and answers will be revealed. I started chapter four. 30 pages so far. I’m excited that— now that the World of the Second Language— the Mundi Secundi, for short— will be revealed to Algonale, I can dive deep into details that expand the worldbuilding in ways that do not make sense except in this story. Whimdark. Experiential consistency. Soft worldbuilding.

Sa. 10/26/2o24

I don’t know where the days went. It does not seem like three days have gone since I last worked. But when I look back over my journaling from Thursday to today, no work is reported as having been done— except for today. I worked on my overdue totem pole assignment more for Organic Modeling. I also finished blocking out the MC (Alice) for this project. I just imported the arms from the Rachel model, deleted one, resized the remaining, and mirrored (I had to do this because the shoulder breadth is wider than Rachel). I also resized the entire model so that he’s now 6 ft. tall. (30 minutes)

Oh you know, I do remember what I worked on yesterday. I am making an updated/v.2 version of Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost. I realized that the Botanist replicator subclass is missing the Botanical Cutting stat block— which is central to that subclass. The Botanist is one of my favorite subclasses in the book, so I definitely want to update the Amazon manuscript and digital copy to include that stat block. And, since I’m doing that, I might as well include the Stalker fighter subclass and the Hexling rogue subclass. 

Unfortunately, I accidentally deleted the InDesign file for the book when I was trying to make space on my laptop (before upgrading the storage). So I have to reformat the entire thing. At least, then, I can format it so that the inner margins aren’t as close to the spine as they were in the original version.

Su. 10/27/2o24

I- uh- I’ve been doing some theoretical work to try and get my life in order. One such thing is building a new keystone habit. “Keystone habits” are habits that affect other areas of your life. The one I’m supposedly developing is fitness. I say “supposedly” because I did all of this planning last night— figuring out which days I can go to the gym on campus, the hours of said gym, and which days that won’t work into my schedule; also picking a suitable cue (such as waking up, i.e. doing it as the first part of the day)— but “supposedly” because I had my exercise clothes laid out, I woke up at the alarm honestly feeling like it would not feel physically great to go back to sleep— but I went back to bed, and got up at 2pm. And I felt bad— physically. 

The days I have class in the morning are the two days that I, therefore, cannot go to the gym in the morning— but I planned out the other five days. I’ve been so focused on only doing enough exercise to keep my body looking aesthetic— but with fasting, I honestly don’t have to do much at all. This didn’t used to be the case. Back in high school, I was on the Olympic Training Plan for pole vault, and I didn’t give a damn about how I looked; I just cared about performance. Since leaving that sport, my mindset has been slowly changing towards what it is now. 

And I realize— writing this— that this mindset about fitness isn’t just tied to fitness. This “bare-minimum” for superficial reasons mindset has applied itself to my creative work. I take such pride in being a creative, and it’s one of my highest valued qualities in myself— if not the highest. But I think that I’ve just been doing enough to be able to say that about myself. When was the last time I completed a complex work of art? Years. How much time am I devoting to my craft here at grad school? A shockingly small amount. I think a better quality to value would be integrity. Because then, at least, I would believe in myself, and know that I am what I say I am. 

So maybe fitness really is the ideal keystone habit to develop. It has roots that go deep into my psyche. 

As I am documenting this thought process in writing, I feel guilt. And shame. And I know that “happiness causes increased productivity,” and that “we learn better when we’re happy”— but I’ve done a lot to try and fix myself over the past two decades— including self-compassion— and I think there’s definitely something to be said for brutally honest self-inventory. 

This sprint I’ll only be documenting one week of work— since I presented last week, as a result of being behind. But I’d prefer to assume that, despite any accommodations I will be receiving, I’m still expected to have those minimum eight hours of work done this sprint. I have maybe 1 hour of work done on Pareidolia. So in the next few days before presenting Wednesday morning, I need to get at least 7 hours of work done. I also need to start sculpting Rachel for Spooky Horsey House— and we have our virtual meeting tomorrow night. And I’m still not finished with my totem pole for my Organic Modeling class— now three weeks late. I finally reworked the individual, smaller components into one mesh that I can remesh and add the wooden texture to. I’m attaching an image below. 

It’s supposed to be a mongoose on top (Taako). Kinda looks more like a mouse. I might rework it.

If I want to reach the point of automaticity for my new habit of fitness, doing it everyday will prove most effective. And if my cue is waking up (my mentor says that multiple cues is less effective), then I need to wake up early enough before class tomorrow morning so that I can go on a run or something. The gym doesn’t open early enough for me to go there before class. In undergrad, sometimes I would wake up at 5am or earlier to go to our school gym right when they opened. This school has a less opportune set of hours. 

And I know that exercise might not seem applicable to my Seminar project, but I truly think it is. How I do one thing is how I do everything— or how the saying goes. 

Yeah, so I’m going to journal, then shower; go to bed, and wake up early enough before class to work out. I have my intake meeting for accommodations tomorrow, as well. Mustn’t forget that. 

I’m tired of seeing my checklists largely unchecked; I want to build strength, not just a malnourished thin body with a defined jaw and ragged breaths at the top of the staircase.

Oh! My brother-in-law recommended taking magnesium supplements. He said that it helps with better sleep and less tiredness during the day. So I got that, and started taking it today. 

M. 10/28/2o24

(6 hours)

Phew what a day! I went to class (Modeling) (I almost didn’t go), I had my intake meeting for accommodations to help me catch up in classes, and I did a lot of sculpting. 

Here is what I did in class. The computers in the lab have an older version of ZBrush on them, so I couldn't work on my totem pole (Ezra recommended uploading an OBJ file to the cloud instead of a ZTool), but we started work on the next assignment (after the insect, which I still haven’t started)— a self portrait! I made that head without reference, and I’m pretty pleased with how it came out. 

The female model below is Rachel, for (working title) Spooky Horsey House.I spent like two hours working with the Rachel and the Alice models trying to get rid of these weird planar props connecting their heads to their wrists. I am counting those hours towards this. Eventually I fixed it— manifold-meshing, then re-exporting. With Rachel, there’s the issue of her thighs being fused together. 

Alice is further below. I referenced malnourished male models for the bones and musculature of the body, and I modeled the head after me! For the bones and muscles, I took inspiration from humans, but he is adventuring in a fairy tale land, so I exaggerated certain areas— and took some liberties with the details. 

Since I have to make a self-portrait for class, I think I’m going to just learn how to make hair for it, and use the Alice model— it is more refined than what I did in class today. Two birds, one stone. 

I still need to make clothes for Alice, and model the stone arm. Work for tomorrow! I spent two hours tonight on the Rachel sculpt and two hours on the Alice sculpt— I’m counting both of those for this Seminar project, because I started with Rachel, and applied the skills I gained doing it for the Alice sculpt. Oh, here’s a close-up of Alice!

I couldn’t get the RGB painting to work for the eyeball, so it remains red clay. I did get it to work both in class and for the Rachel model— I don’t know what was different with this model.

I was stressed about not having at least eight hours of work to show for this sprint, but looking back over my notes, I have at least nine hours dedicated just to the Alice sculpt (including troubleshooting and making the Rachel sculpt)— and I’m going to work on clothes tomorrow!

Well! It is officially tomorrow! I’ll check in— well, today!

T. 10/29/2o24

(7 hours)

I watched this tutorial on making realistic hair— going from ZBrush to Maya. It was really short and didn’t cover a lot; my research is just beginning. 

I looked up Maya. Jesus Christ is it expensive! I cannot afford that, and I’d prefer to stick with one program, rather than using its free trial and then having to learn another program. 

I searched for realistic hair tutorials for Blender, and found this one. It said “easily” in the title, but my god, was it a lot to follow. I didn’t understand most of it. Maybe I’ll work more efficiently tonight by just finishing the face, body, and modeling the stone arm. I’ll get to hair for the next milestone. 

I’m not sure which program I’ll use for the stone arm. I want it to thematically have similarities to the edifices of a gothic church. If I use Blender, I found this tutorial on using the knife tool. I’m leaning towards ZBrush, though.

Later.

I finished the base sculpt for the Rachel model for Spooky Horsey House— including the ears, which was fun, because I’ve never really done any art with defined ears before— and I modeled the stone arm for the MC of this project.  

I want it to be reminiscent of a Gothic church— the large steepled bits closer to the shoulder will have carvings to look like the stained glass windows of a cathedral’s façade. I haven't gotten to that yet. Modeling those steeples actually took a significant amount of work; I had to subdivide individual edges and F form new edges and planes between the vertices. It took two tries. 

I also kept the elbow section just as a slightly scaled up version of the organic elbow— I’m not sure how much it will deform in-engine when the arm bends, so I’m playing it safe. 

I will do the hand separately.

Blog Post #6 A Bit of Being Lost; A Bit of Being Found

M. 10/7/2024

(3 hours)

I worked on the religious aspect of the worldbuilding for this project. I had notes on this magic system based around emotion and supernatural patrons— the Obsidian vault got lost in the fire, but I still have the commonplace book with scattered notes throughout. I was able to recreate a satisfying amount of the lore. I’ll post it here, as well.

In the living Ettingrad— filled with humans alone— there is one cell of supernatural beings that grant mortals with power. They are called “Sadists,” because they feed off of powerful emotion— usually suffering— and catalyze that energy into their own strength. The Sadists do not exist in either the Mortal Realm or in the Epilogue; they exist somewhere out in the Aether, watching, watching. 

In ancient times, lives were offered as blood sacrifices to the Sadists— offered in gruesome spectacles designed to evoke visceral emotion. The rituals to create such a link between the otherworldly and the mundane have long since been lost, but the blood-soaked stone altars remain potent sources of connection with the bloody patrons. The stone of the altars (stained red) have been carved into wieldable artifacts known as “crucifixes.” Those crucifixes are engraved with literary “Passages” that evoke a particular emotion. Magick, Bloodletting, Martyrdom— they’re all names for the very specific brand of spellcasting that acolytes of the Sadists employ. To successfully cast a spell, the martyr has to empathize with the emotion of the Passage, which then creates a magical effect dependent on the content of the writing. 

Bloodletting is a sacred practice, and is held and employed by a very insular group of citizens in Ettingrad. I am attaching a chart depicting the situation.

Let me break it down.

Not everyone knows about the Sadists; in fact, very few do. There are martyrs (casters) who, yes, do know (Ym); there are martyrs who, no, do not know (Nm); there are commoners (Co) who are not spellcasters at all.

I: Industrialists; value industry. The few who do know about bloodletting— even just a miniscule amount of speculation regarding unexplainable effects— seek to turn that into a power source for their industrialization.

C: Cultists; value Sadists. They seek to pervert others to the Sadists’ cause, typically through the use of crucifixes with dried “marrow.”✝

R: Religious; value community/the people. Very few religious clergymen and followers know about the Sadists. There is a religious sect in Ettingrad known as the “Common Faith,” which ignorantly takes tales originating from bloodletting and creates sacred rites and practices around them. 

W: Witches; value bonds. All witches are only Ym (which is why they aren’t in the chart). Witches seek to create implements of spellcasting devoid of corruption. They do so by breaking the “Taboo of Erosion”— grinding crucifixes to dust, mixing dust from multiple crucifixes, and using that to cast— and by breaking the “Taboo of Masochism”— engraving Passages on bones of martyrs— living and dead. As they regularly break these taboos, witches function in small groups (usually three or less); they cannot trust most.

✝ “Marrow” is the residual blood remaining in crucifixes. It serves as a human filter for the corrupting influence of the Sadists. Cultists purposefully induct new initiates with dried up crucifixes to allow for this to occur. 

Let’s talk about the misguided faith of the Commoners. 

The Common Faith is the religion that the majority of the citizens of Ettingrad subscribe to. It maintains cultural aspects of bloodletting— primarily with the continued use of Old Runic— the language used by the sacrificers of yore to communicate with the Sadists— in its sacred rituals. There are “saints” of the Common Faith— people with supernatural powers. A significant portion of these saints are Children of Stone.

When a martyr dies, but the emotion coursing through their veins at the time of their death is potent enough, that Essence— everything that made up that person— is sucked into the crucifix they were using. That Essence within a crucifix is known as a “Motive,” and, if wielded by another martyr, influences the casting with its personality and memories. The unfinished business that ties its Essence to the Mortal Realm can be absolved, but only if the Motive consciously “gives up their ghost”, sacrificing their pain for someone else’s good. The most iconic of these Motives are known as “blood giants”— golems formed of bloodstained stone that move of their own volition. Tales are whispered about blood giants— about their vicious nature, lashing out at anything that moves— but to most, those are folktales. Regardless, if a Motive “gives up the ghost,” the stone of their crucifix vessel cracks open, and an organic child is borne forth. These are the Children of Stone.

Children of Stone are unique in a number of ways. They do not retain memories of their past selves; they are a blank slate. And, as creatures who have transcended their suffering, they can perform magical effects without the patronage of the Sadists. 

Seeing as they don’t know the cause of their powers, it makes sense why people would flock to these individuals— ordinary in all ways aside from one. 

There is a small cult following a purported Child of Stone named Clay Reaper. He is, in fact, not a Child of Stone; he merely coerced a witch into carving runes into his bones, and sewing him back up— giving him supernatural powers as long as the wounds cause him to suffer. 

Ok I actually need to start answering the assignment prompts.

Any Gods/Spirits/Supernatural Beings

Sadists.

At least One Story (Creation, Love, etc.)

The spellcasters of a thousand years past sacrificed hundreds of people on their stone sacrificial altars. The suffering evoked created an indelible bond between the Sadists and the mortals. Now, with the sacrificial rites long since lost, the stone of the bloodsoaked altars is used as the base material for various magical implements, known as “crucifixes.” Passages evoking powerful emotion are carved into the crucifixes in the ancient language, Old Runic, to implore the Sadists to give the martyrs power.

At least One Custom (Marriage, Wedding, etc.)

When a martyr dies, their corpse is riddled with lingering soulful magick. It is seen as desecration by some, but for the crafty witches, the death of a martyr presents the opportunity to create new, organic crucifixes constructed of the dead martyr’s bones. This additional layer of humanity offers a buffer between the corrupting influence of the Sadists and the next spellcaster.

At least One Holiday

The Day of Industrious Fortification. Multiple times a year, ne’er-do-wells are rounded up and placed in the “Cathedrals” located throughout the city. These were actual religious cathedrals, but the city was forced to sell them to the industrialists to pay off its debts. The industrialists repurposed the vaulted grandeur into a confined arena. Seating in the higher alcoves provides the eager audiences with a view into the bloodbath below, as the proclaimed “sacrifices” are forced to battle each other to the death.§ Channels and pipes funnel the blood of the sacrifices out through a series of aqueducts, into the river “capillaries” snaking throughout the city. On the Days of Industrious Fortification, the rivers run red.ꟸ

§This was proposed to welcome acclaim by one leading industrialist, Alister Vaunt— an individual with a thirst for ancient lore that drove him to understanding the base aspects of the blood sacrifices of yore.

ꟸAt least one famous cryptid arose from these occurrences: the Old Man of the River— a bloated figure that stares hollowly out from reflections of the rivers streaked with blood. Casual passersby are in for a shock, when a purposeless glance into the water below reflects not them, but an obese old man mirroring their movements. To go further into the lore, the Old Man of the River was one of the leaders of the sacrifices a thousand years ago. His acolytes— crazed and bloodthirsty— one day chose to pin him down on an altar positioned over a spring, and sacrifice him. His blood ran down the altar, into the bubbling font.

Any Beliefs or Morals held by the people. (At least 3)

1. The Taboo of Erosion. Stone naturally erodes, and thus it is superbly disallowed to carve new runic Passages into existing crucifixes. The resource of bloodstained altars is nonrenewable; it must be preserved. 

2. The Taboo of Masochism. It is taboo to carve runic Passages into organic material— living and dead. There is no “marrow” to filter the corrupting influence of the Sadists; living masochists often become possessed by a mindless drive to inflict suffering upon others. 

3. The Taboo of Corruption. While a distinct sect of cultists to the Sadists do this, it is generally taboo to present new martyr initiates with crucifixes devoid of “marrow.” This is— similar to the Taboo of Masochism— to prevent the corrupting influence of the Sadists upon unsuspecting new initiates. 

Description of Education and Worship 

There are two aspects to this. 1) The education and worship of those of the Common Faith. 2) The education and worship of martyrs.

1) The Common Faith raises its acolytes from birth, overseeing naming rituals, bonding rituals, and rites of passage. The Faith finds itself no longer in grand cathedrals, but in humble temples erected throughout Ettingrad. The clergy promotes love for the collective— for the people— and selflessness above all. This often took place in the form of group mind-melding— a form of collective meditation, directed to further a sense of oneness. In the time of the Great War, even cynics flocked to the temples to seek guidance. What they did not realize, though, was that it was collectivism that caused the atrocities of war. 

2) The Martyrs are— and were— scholars by trade. Traditionally, martyrdom and the process of bloodletting is not passed down by familial lines. High ranking scholars and professors in the universities of Ettingrad single out promising writers and artists— as well as linguists— and guide them through an exceptionally limited trial casting. It is never enough for the candidate to extrapolate and fill their gaps in understanding; they would never be able to deduce the intricacies of bloodletting by these trials. If the trial goes successfully, and the candidate resists the corruption of the Sadists capably, the elder moves forward to induct the new initiate into the myriad ranks of martyrs. 

Martyrdom is diverse and varied in its practices. There are conservative casters, using ancient crucifixes pre-written with Passages. There are reckless cultists, imposing their chaotic wills upon unsuspecting newlings. And, among others, there are witches, isolated crafters and innovators, hoping to preserve the bonds of humanity within martyrdom. 

Conservatives do not worship the Sadists. They study them, and they study great literature of the past, to better understand and empathize with pre-written Passages.

Cultists do worship the Sadists. They perform ill-founded rituals, attempting to recreate sacrifices of yore. They educate initiates through séances, opening their unshielded minds to the eldritch influence of their dark patrons. 

Witches are agnostic, and actually have many similar values with those of the Common Faith. They cherish community— though they are excluded from it— and aim to preserve human bonds above all. Their practices are secretive, and witches do not easily trust newcomers with their knowledge. They do take pity upon those who have tried to do what they do— innovate bloodletting and protect martyrs— and in those rare and tragic circumstances, can be swayed to allow a witchling into their ranks. 

T. 10/8/2024

(5.5 hours)

I researched ten folklore creatures for the assault scenario. I’ve included the list below, compiled from watching this video. 

1. A-Senee-Ki-Wakw: a race of stone giants from Abenaki folklore; made of stones

2. Onocentaur: a bipedal centaur with its only two legs being donkey legs

3. Kee-Wakw: a giant part-human, part-animal cannibalistic forest dwelling creature; horns of a deer; covered in shaggy fur

4. Fish Man: an entity of Spanish folklore that looks pretty much just as expected

5. Bannik: a Slavic guardian spirit of bathhouses; he appears as a small, naked, long-bearded old man; he is covered in birch leaves (left over from bath brooms); he pours boiling water on intruders— or strangles them.

6. Psoglav: a Balkan mythological creature, described as having a human body with horse legs, a dog's head with iron teeth, and a single eye on the forehead; man eating— even going as far as digging up bodies to eat

7. Indus Worm: a giant, white, carnivorous worm, with a pair of large teeth; lived in the Indus River

8. Scorpion Man: a race of creatures similar in structure to the centaur— but swap horse parts for scorpion parts

9. Oozlum Bird: a spiritual bird that, when startled, flies around in decreasing circles, until it flies up its own backside— disappearing completely

10. Fachan: in Scottish folklore, described as having a single eye in the middle of its face, a single hand protruding from its chest instead of arms, and a single leg emerging from its central axis; it uses an iron spiked club to chase away anything that comes near it; it hates life, and will destroy entire farms in a single day

This took about 20 minutes.

One of my goals for this sprint is defining ten folklore creatures for the assault scenario, so this is good! I specifically chose a variety of creatures that won’t necessarily upstage Nøkken. I want the creatures to be recognizable, but not too easily.

Idea! Bena has a well or perhaps a large bath in her hovel— the Fish Man erupts from the water.

Later.

I was just working on the Spooky Horsey House map whitebox for like three hours— saving consistently— but it crashed again and the file upon reopening had none of the progress that I made. I feel really bad saying this, but I doubt Adam reads this blog— I’ve realized that I hate modeling. Like sculpting? Yeah, love it. But this recreating blocky shapes— first off from a map that I did not make the final version of— is arduous, challenging, and makes me want to slam my skull through the desk. And then it crashes, and removes all of the meager progress I’ve made. 

A main challenge is that this 3D visualization necessary to take this tiny map and make it a big 3D one— it’s not something that’s coming easily to me. I have to fly back to the foyer and view the entire map from that perspective— then fly over to where I’m building the next room, build it wrong because I lost that perspective, and have to rebuild over and over again.

I asked in the project Discord whether it’s possible to import the 2D map as a reference into the whiteboxing level— blow it up, and put it on the ground plane. That would help so much!

Even later.

I remember this scene from the first Fablehaven book where fairy tale creatures are assaulting the attic where the main characters sleep. I think that scene is a big inspiration for the hovel assault scenario. So, I got the book on my Kindle, and started rereading it. I hadn’t read it since I was a kid; I was surprised by how not-low the reading level it is. Like, it’s definitely a YA book, but it’s still pretty good. It holds up. (2 hours).

W. 10/9/2024

(2 hours)

I went to bed last night at like 2am (I was reading Fablehaven), and I woke up at 6:45am. 

During Studio, I worked on filling out the asset list, and finding references for each to put on the Miro. Adam said that he’s going to do the whiteboxing. I am eternally grateful.

Later.

I just spent an hour and a half trying to ZSphere my MC, Alice. I figured something out— but overall it was a frustrating waste of time; nothing to show. The thing I figured out is that I can change the mirror center through Transform —> Set Pivot Point. So even if the mesh isn’t in the center, I can make it the center, and do Mirror X Axis. 

The reason why it was a frustrating waste of time was that the spheres kept moving out of alignment— so I would have to re-align each of them; I also had to restart three or four times because something happened that I still don’t fully understand— but it messed up the mesh so badly that restarting was the only option. I really hate modeling. Once I get to the sculpting, I’m golden. But getting to that point is really quite awful. I would continue working on it, but it’s late, and I still have to do my Ultimate Self Confidence Mindvalley quest lesson for the day. I intend on getting up early— not as early as today— and working on my projects tomorrow with a clear head.

W. 10/16/2024

I just spent an hour and a half modeling Rachel for my Studio project.

I didn’t get very far, but it’s still a big win.

For the past three-ish weeks, I’ve been experiencing a depressive episode. This happens to me pretty regularly— just a psychological predisposition. And as a result, I have gotten very little done in terms of work for both my Studio project and my Seminar project.

I didn’t present in Seminar today. And I’d been sleeping so much that I was concerned I wouldn’t wake up in time for class, so I just didn’t sleep last night. I wrote this this morning, after taking a cold shower at 5am.

“It’s like a fever broke. I was standing in the shower— just out of reach of the cold water— listing things that I was grateful for. And usually that lifts my spirits, but suddenly I found myself shaking with tearless sobs— feeling that all of the effort, and study, and fasting— feeling that trying so hard to live a good life— was the cause for the multiple week-long depressive episode that I had found myself in. And I said out loud, to myself, “This just happens. I am prone to regular depressive episodes. It is not caused by the effort of doing good. It is just probable that if I have been trying so hard for a while— that an episode will come on. It’s like flow state. It’s not a light switch; it’s cyclical. First comes the struggle, then release, then flow, then recovery. And I had never before realized that that is perfectly analogous to my mental health. I try so hard, but when lows strike me, I assume that it was caused by my effort, and, without fail, I have given up. I have never made it beyond the Struggle phase.

“And suddenly, I felt like I could breathe again. And suddenly, I realized that for weeks, I had been holding my breath— and now, now I could breathe again. And part of that is metaphorical— but part of it is actually literal; I’ve been congested for about as long as this depressive episode has been going on, and I have held my breath more than I should— because I didn’t want to mouth-breathe. But primarily, it was like I had been swimming in darkness— groping out for the light, the surface— and breaking that glassy surface into something bright again. And the pressure in my lungs eased. And I breathed easily. 

“And I feel good now. I was concerned that I wouldn’t wake up in time for class, so I had decided to just never go to bed. And my stomach is a bit upset— but that’s expected. I feel a bit of the chills— but that’s expected. 

“So I breathe, and I push onward. I don’t know if it’s genuine— if the depressive episode is over— but I do know what is over: giving up when I hit a dip. I am dedicated to my creativity, and for that, I need to crest over the Struggle phase, through Release, into Flow, and Recover actively.

“I once wrote, “We are just beginning.” At that time, I did not realize just how true it was.”

And I didn’t feel physically on top today. Seminar was virtual, but I still went to the grad lab (so I wouldn’t be late for Studio). But I was falling asleep. And during Studio, Adam said I could go home early, so I did, and I took a five hour nap. 

But I have a new perspective. And I’m grateful for that.

And I worked on actual schoolwork.

I have been doing a bit of game design during this depressive episode, but only for D&D. I wrote two subclasses— the fighter Stalker and the Rogue Hexling— both of which I’m very proud of. I’m not going to detail them here— they’re going to go in the next book— but they’re both pretty complex, and I’ll be playing the hexling for my replacement character for my campaign here.

I’ll be getting academic accommodations soon, so being so behind on three of my four classes shouldn’t affect my grades— I don’t know what the significance of grades are in grad school, though— especially in this program, the skills we develop speaks more than grades. I do want to keep mine up, though.

Later.

I’m still feeling a bit unwell after last night, so I sent the picture of my progress on Rachel to Adam, then retired to play Hogwarts Legacy (1 hour). I’m not sure what they did, but the hair, in particular, looks way better. Must be in the recent updates? I remember Ezra saying that people make a good living just doing hair for AAA game studios. I wonder how I could learn how to make hair like that.

F. 10/18/2024

I went and got my letter of accommodation. And I submitted it to the Student Accessibility office. It says that it can take up to two weeks to schedule an intake to discuss accommodations.

Sa. 10/19/2024

I have been writing. A lot. I wrote most of the day today. I have been feeling better. I have not exactly been doing better. My mum called me in the evening and asked what I’ve been up to. I told her, I said, “I’ve been writing.” She asked, “For school?” And I replied, “For pleasure.” She reminded me of the Pomodoro technique, and suggested that writing for pleasure could be the breaks. So I got down to work. I made the Magnus Bear heads for my long-late Totem Pole modeling assignment. 

Su. 10/20/2024

When I was growing up, I spent a portion of every summer— 3rd grade - 10th grade— at a creative writing camp at UCSD. What I wrote changed a lot. Sometimes it wasn’t very serious. I had a buddy, Ian, who went to Coronado— the years we were both in the program, we collaborated on some pretty inane stuff. I never got his contact info. At a pole vault meet at Coronado, I thought I saw him, in the distance. He ran distance. But I hesitated, and he was gone. If Ian, if you see this, send me an email. mkb@findingmason.com. 

After Ian graduated from the camp, I settled down, and actually got pretty passionate about writing performance poetry. Slam poetry. I had a pretty misled approach to the content I was writing about— I thought it had to be about traumatic stuff I’d been through. And I’m not saying that it has to be about happy stuff. It just doesn’t have to be about anything. Not nothing. Just not one thing. 

And when I graduated from the camp, I was invited back on as a Teaching Assistant. I taught spoken word poetry. My last summer as a TA there, I was pretty sick— you know, in the head— but I had a fulfilling time— especially when I got to work with the older students. Students who actually cared about what they were writing. 

In high school, I performed with the Poetry Club; in my senior year, I became Vice President of it. 

I wrote poetry throughout undergrad. I had some pretty upsetting pieces that I submitted to the Button Poetry video contest, a few years back. I took an upper div poetry workshop in my final year. I had a thing with a poet in that class. My poetry at that time was better— at least, in content— and also probably in technique. 

But I haven’t written fiction prose in years. I sat down about a week ago and tried to write. I couldn’t. It just didn’t work. Nothing came. The world didn’t move. But I remembered, later in the week, how flow state is already primed immediately when you wake up, so— I think it was Friday— I did that. I sat down and wrote for over an hour (I had said to myself, “15 minutes”) just after I woke up. Saturday, I wrote throughout the day. Today, Sunday, I got up at 9:30am (wow!) and wrote immediately. Over the past, like, three days— let’s see, I’ve written 23 pages. It’s all cohesive. It’s one story. I’m not going to say what it’s about, yet, because that’ll spoil my need to create it— having a premature audience, and all. I’m not writing for any goal. I’m not writing because I have to. I’m writing because it’s enjoyable. Today, I did the Pomodoro technique again— “work” = my totem pole; “break” = writing. Sometimes its hard getting back into the story in those five minutes; sometimes I stay overlong in those breaks, finishing up an idea. 

I think the beauty of it is that I’m not dedicated to an end product. I’m not writing to, per se, have a book at the end. I’m just writing, and it’s turning into a longer, cohesive piece— longer and more cohesive than any prose I’ve ever written before. And I’ve been writing for almost two decades. 

Thinking about it— the autotelicity of it— it reminds me that my published D&D book, Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost (available on my homepage) was the same. I was never planning on having a book until a few months before leaving for grad school. I was just writing homebrew content because I enjoyed it. It was certainly not all being playtested. I have around 80 subclasses, including from two original classes, and I ran, like, three campaigns with 4-5 players each over the past three years. So, yeah. Autotelic. 

And I doubt that I’d be writing this much about this, right now, if I hadn’t been writing purposefully— in fictional prose. 

Anyways, here’s what I have for my totem pole.

It’s supposed to have a central theme. I was thinking about doing Eikons from FFXVI, but those wouldn’t look natural— at least, trying to make it look carved from a singular tree trunk. So, eventually, I decided on doing the mascots for Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, and Taako Taako— the bear, the owl (I added his eyepatch for fun), and the mongoose. I just have the mongoose left. I wanted it to look interesting from all angles, so I arrayed the faces around a central column. I’ll make it look more cohesive— and add unifying grain and cracks— once Taako’s mongoose is done. 

I need to work on this Seminar project. But I have been creating, and I hadn’t been feeling well at all— so creating anything still feels like an accomplishment. And getting up at 9:30am today— well, there were days in the past three weeks that I got up after 4pm— and days that I slept 20 hours. So, yeah, an accomplishment. 

M. 10/21/2024

Today I finished blocking out the Rachel mesh. Adam’s going to look over it— and, if approved, I’ll start sculpting. Similar to the past two days, I did the Pomodoro technique— writing in my breaks. I wrote a couple more pages of The Mongrel Sings. Not much, and it was harder to write, but still staying in the groove of that story.

 In Organic Modeling today, we had a bit of a chill day, so I had time to ask Ezra some questions about customizing ZBrush— I had had trouble getting into the Zoom call the day he went over it. I took notes, and tried to replicate it myself— got some help— and replicated it here, at home. It’s mostly just having a custom menu with a few frequently used brushes.

Speaking of Organic Modeling, I sculpted and modeled Taako’s mongoose for the totem assignment. I added a wizard hat just to tie it all together. Obviously, I’ll be touching it up in ZBrush. But I have all of the components done!

I watched a devlog video about Welcome to Elderfield. It’s a solo-developed game— made in RPGMaker— that mixes farming sim with eldritch horror and turn-based combat. There’s a demo out, which I downloaded, and am planning on playing tonight after writing this. It’s made by someone who historically is a musician and visual artist— and has a podcast called The Weather Channel, which has the same setting as Welcome to Elderfield. I found the Ill-Advised Records (his label) playlist on Spotify— and have been listening to it for the past few hours— including in the shower! It’s like lofi but with some horror mixed in. One of my most productive playlists (playlists that induce productivity) is the Bloodborne soundtrack; like that, Ill-Advised has just enough deliberate stress-inducing qualities for my purposes.

What else?

Oh I asked my friends from UC Davis if they would want to read what I’ve been writing. They’re still waiting on the personalized copies of Wanderer’s Guide to Dromknost— and we only play our pirate campaign once a month— so I felt like sharing. There are a lot of references to our D&D campaigns in The Mongrel Sings. I reinstalled InDesign, and made a pair of pdfs— one in A5 (like a book) and the other just a standard pdf (this one maintained italics). I only included the completed first drafts of the first two chapters. Remembering Andy Weir’s interview on Re:Thinking— I chose not to include or even reference unfinished parts of the story. The only bits that see an audience are the completed drafts. That keeps my motivation to write flying. 

Later.

I played Welcome to Elderfield for about an hour. It’s almost midnight. But I’ve already showered and all. I realize that I have never played a farming sim. And Elderfield is more than that— it’s incomplete, but it has really interesting thematic elements that attracted me; I’ve never been attracted to playing Stardew Valley, by contrast. Visually it’s striking, with its dark shadows and warm hues. Narratively, I can already tell that— when it’s finished— it’ll have a great story— with innovative mechanics, as well. 

Side note. I ran a D&D campaign a couple of years back— the setting was the miniature, magic-infused, gothic horror town of Elderville. Whenever I think about Elderfield, I think about Elderville. And Elderville is, possibly, the campaign that I’m most proud of having run. I crafted 3D maps. I wrote much of the plot before starting the campaign. The vibes were immaculate. I had “DLC” to expand when we wanted to extend the length. So, it’s definitely biased— my appreciation for Elderfield. Worth noting.

I had an idea while playing— I still want to make Crossed Stars, the retro space RPG. It was so complicated making the 2D elements in a top-down version of Unreal; Elderfield was made in RPGMaker— the developer said that it was really easy. Maybe— along with continuing my studies and Seminar project and Studio and all— I could try making Crossed Stars in RPGMaker. And I definitely want the Big Bad to be an eldritch horror— it’s in space, and I love horror— this end enemy can influence the thematic elements leading up to it. 

T. 10/22/2024

Today I slept until 2pm. I’m not upset, though. For the first time, I had a dream that seemed to last just as long as how long I was sleeping. And it was super elaborate, and very inspirational— from a game dev perspective. I was with my mum and my younger sister, and we were in a forest lodge town in winter— no snow yet, just frigid. We were going from location to location, solving really complicated puzzles (which, of course, I cannot remember clearly— other than that they were dope); each puzzle solved spawned a clue, which we used to go to the next location— and the next puzzle. Eventually, we realized that all of it was building up to an eldritch abomination that had begun terrorizing the town— it had the form of a giant spider (Nameless, anyone?). There was all this lore about hunting abominations— the hunters (us— at this point joined by my childhood dog, Scrappy) were alerted to the presence of the aberration when it started causing ruin; the monster was also alerted to the identities of the hunters hunting it— and more than that, because these monstrosities had the preternatural perception to watch us, listen to us— from anywhere— despite its physical location. So when we started making plans to hunt it, we had to be very discreet. We had to refrain from talking about it as much as possible, and we had to keep physical evidence of our plans secret— even from the other hunters.

I can only assume that this dream was caused by playing Elderfield before bed last night. Who would’ve thought that a cozy horror farming game could spawn such an intriguing, suspenseful dream?

Anyway, not much work done yet today. I arrived to the classroom of my worldbuilding class 45 minutes early; I knew that if I stayed home, I’d be unproductive/asleep— so I’m here, and working on finishing this blog post and making the PowerPoint to submit for last week’s sprint (that I missed, because of— the tough time I’ve been having).

I messaged Adam about the Rachel blockout. He responded that a) it is twelve feet tall, and b) it’s too stylized. So I’m going to rework the proportions after class tonight— since Studio is tomorrow.

I forgot to take note of the time spent on creative work— from the past few days— but I’ve been working around five-to-six hours a day on this stuff— sometimes more.

Blog Post #5: Ah, I Hate Modeling

M. 10/7/2024

(3 hours)

I worked on the religious aspect of the worldbuilding for this project. I had notes on this magic system based around emotion and supernatural patrons— the Obsidian vault got lost in the fire, but I still have the commonplace book with scattered notes throughout. I was able to recreate a satisfying amount of the lore. I’ll post it here, as well.

In the living Ettingrad— filled with humans alone— there is one cell of supernatural beings that grant mortals with power. They are called “Sadists,” because they feed off of powerful emotion— usually suffering— and catalyze that energy into their own strength. The Sadists do not exist in either the Mortal Realm or in the Epilogue; they exist somewhere out in the Aether, watching, watching. 

In ancient times, lives were offered as blood sacrifices to the Sadists— offered in gruesome spectacles designed to evoke visceral emotion. The rituals to create such a link between the otherworldly and the mundane have long since been lost, but the blood-soaked stone altars remain potent sources of connection with the bloody patrons. The stone of the altars (stained red) have been carved into wieldable artifacts known as “crucifixes.” Those crucifixes are engraved with literary “Passages” that evoke a particular emotion. Magick, Bloodletting, Martyrdom— they’re all names for the very specific brand of spellcasting that acolytes of the Sadists employ. To successfully cast a spell, the martyr has to empathize with the emotion of the Passage, which then creates a magical effect dependent on the content of the writing. 

Bloodletting is a sacred practice, and is held and employed by a very insular group of citizens in Ettingrad. I am attaching a chart depicting the situation.

Let me break it down.

Not everyone knows about the Sadists; in fact, very few do. There are martyrs (casters) who, yes, do know (Ym); there are martyrs who, no, do not know (Nm); there are commoners (Co) who are not spellcasters at all.

I: Industrialists; value industry. The few who do know about bloodletting— even just a miniscule amount of speculation regarding unexplainable effects— seek to turn that into a power source for their industrialization.

C: Cultists; value Sadists. They seek to pervert others to the Sadists’ cause, typically through the use of crucifixes with dried “marrow.”✝

R: Religious; value community/the people. Very few religious clergymen and followers know about the Sadists. There is a religious sect in Ettingrad known as the “Common Faith,” which ignorantly takes tales originating from bloodletting and creates sacred rites and practices around them. 

W: Witches; value bonds. All witches are only Ym (which is why they aren’t in the chart). Witches seek to create implements of spellcasting devoid of corruption. They do so by breaking the “Taboo of Erosion”— grinding crucifixes to dust, mixing dust from multiple crucifixes, and using that to cast— and by breaking the “Taboo of Masochism”— engraving Passages on bones of martyrs— living and dead. As they regularly break these taboos, witches function in small groups (usually three or less); they cannot trust most.

✝ “Marrow” is the residual blood remaining in crucifixes. It serves as a human filter for the corrupting influence of the Sadists. Cultists purposefully induct new initiates with dried up crucifixes to allow for this to occur. 

Let’s talk about the misguided faith of the Commoners. 

The Common Faith is the religion that the majority of the citizens of Ettingrad subscribe to. It maintains cultural aspects of bloodletting— primarily with the continued use of Old Runic— the language used by the sacrificers of yore to communicate with the Sadists— in its sacred rituals. There are “saints” of the Common Faith— people with supernatural powers. A significant portion of these saints are Children of Stone.

When a martyr dies, but the emotion coursing through their veins at the time of their death is potent enough, that Essence— everything that made up that person— is sucked into the crucifix they were using. That Essence within a crucifix is known as a “Motive,” and, if wielded by another martyr, influences the casting with its personality and memories. The unfinished business that ties its Essence to the Mortal Realm can be absolved, but only if the Motive consciously “gives up their ghost”, sacrificing their pain for someone else’s good. The most iconic of these Motives are known as “blood giants”— golems formed of bloodstained stone that move of their own volition. Tales are whispered about blood giants— about their vicious nature, lashing out at anything that moves— but to most, those are folktales. Regardless, if a Motive “gives up the ghost,” the stone of their crucifix vessel cracks open, and an organic child is borne forth. These are the Children of Stone.

Children of Stone are unique in a number of ways. They do not retain memories of their past selves; they are a blank slate. And, as creatures who have transcended their suffering, they can perform magical effects without the patronage of the Sadists. 

Seeing as they don’t know the cause of their powers, it makes sense why people would flock to these individuals— ordinary in all ways aside from one. 

There is a small cult following a purported Child of Stone named Clay Reaper. He is, in fact, not a Child of Stone; he merely coerced a witch into carving runes into his bones, and sewing him back up— giving him supernatural powers as long as the wounds cause him to suffer. 

Ok I actually need to start answering the assignment prompts.

Any Gods/Spirits/Supernatural Beings

Sadists.

At least One Story (Creation, Love, etc.)

The spellcasters of a thousand years past sacrificed hundreds of people on their stone sacrificial altars. The suffering evoked created an indelible bond between the Sadists and the mortals. Now, with the sacrificial rites long since lost, the stone of the bloodsoaked altars is used as the base material for various magical implements, known as “crucifixes.” Passages evoking powerful emotion are carved into the crucifixes in the ancient language, Old Runic, to implore the Sadists to give the martyrs power.

At least One Custom (Marriage, Wedding, etc.)

When a martyr dies, their corpse is riddled with lingering soulful magick. It is seen as desecration by some, but for the crafty witches, the death of a martyr presents the opportunity to create new, organic crucifixes constructed of the dead martyr’s bones. This additional layer of humanity offers a buffer between the corrupting influence of the Sadists and the next spellcaster.

At least One Holiday

The Day of Industrious Fortification. Multiple times a year, ne’er-do-wells are rounded up and placed in the “Cathedrals” located throughout the city. These were actual religious cathedrals, but the city was forced to sell them to the industrialists to pay off its debts. The industrialists repurposed the vaulted grandeur into a confined arena. Seating in the higher alcoves provides the eager audiences with a view into the bloodbath below, as the proclaimed “sacrifices” are forced to battle each other to the death.§ Channels and pipes funnel the blood of the sacrifices out through a series of aqueducts, into the river “capillaries” snaking throughout the city. On the Days of Industrious Fortification, the rivers run red.ꟸ

§This was proposed to welcome acclaim by one leading industrialist, Alister Vaunt— an individual with a thirst for ancient lore that drove him to understanding the base aspects of the blood sacrifices of yore.

ꟸAt least one famous cryptid arose from these occurrences: the Old Man of the River— a bloated figure that stares hollowly out from reflections of the rivers streaked with blood. Casual passersby are in for a shock, when a purposeless glance into the water below reflects not them, but an obese old man mirroring their movements. To go further into the lore, the Old Man of the River was one of the leaders of the sacrifices a thousand years ago. His acolytes— crazed and bloodthirsty— one day chose to pin him down on an altar positioned over a spring, and sacrifice him. His blood ran down the altar, into the bubbling font.

Any Beliefs or Morals held by the people. (At least 3)

1. The Taboo of Erosion. Stone naturally erodes, and thus it is superbly disallowed to carve new runic Passages into existing crucifixes. The resource of bloodstained altars is nonrenewable; it must be preserved. 

2. The Taboo of Masochism. It is taboo to carve runic Passages into organic material— living and dead. There is no “marrow” to filter the corrupting influence of the Sadists; living masochists often become possessed by a mindless drive to inflict suffering upon others. 

3. The Taboo of Corruption. While a distinct sect of cultists to the Sadists do this, it is generally taboo to present new martyr initiates with crucifixes devoid of “marrow.” This is— similar to the Taboo of Masochism— to prevent the corrupting influence of the Sadists upon unsuspecting new initiates. 

Description of Education and Worship 

There are two aspects to this. 1) The education and worship of those of the Common Faith. 2) The education and worship of martyrs.

1) The Common Faith raises its acolytes from birth, overseeing naming rituals, bonding rituals, and rites of passage. The Faith finds itself no longer in grand cathedrals, but in humble temples erected throughout Ettingrad. The clergy promotes love for the collective— for the people— and selflessness above all. This often took place in the form of group mind-melding— a form of collective meditation, directed to further a sense of oneness. In the time of the Great War, even cynics flocked to the temples to seek guidance. What they did not realize, though, was that it was collectivism that caused the atrocities of war. 

2) The Martyrs are— and were— scholars by trade. Traditionally, martyrdom and the process of bloodletting is not passed down by familial lines. High ranking scholars and professors in the universities of Ettingrad single out promising writers and artists— as well as linguists— and guide them through an exceptionally limited trial casting. It is never enough for the candidate to extrapolate and fill their gaps in understanding; they would never be able to deduce the intricacies of bloodletting by these trials. If the trial goes successfully, and the candidate resists the corruption of the Sadists capably, the elder moves forward to induct the new initiate into the myriad ranks of martyrs. 

Martyrdom is diverse and varied in its practices. There are conservative casters, using ancient crucifixes pre-written with Passages. There are reckless cultists, imposing their chaotic wills upon unsuspecting newlings. And, among others, there are witches, isolated crafters and innovators, hoping to preserve the bonds of humanity within martyrdom. 

Conservatives do not worship the Sadists. They study them, and they study great literature of the past, to better understand and empathize with pre-written Passages.

Cultists do worship the Sadists. They perform ill-founded rituals, attempting to recreate sacrifices of yore. They educate initiates through séances, opening their unshielded minds to the eldritch influence of their dark patrons. 

Witches are agnostic, and actually have many similar values with those of the Common Faith. They cherish community— though they are excluded from it— and aim to preserve human bonds above all. Their practices are secretive, and witches do not easily trust newcomers with their knowledge. They do take pity upon those who have tried to do what they do— innovate bloodletting and protect martyrs— and in those rare and tragic circumstances, can be swayed to allow a witchling into their ranks.

T. 10/8/2024

(5.5 hours)

I researched ten folklore creatures for the assault scenario. I’ve included the list below, compiled from watching this video. 

1. A-Senee-Ki-Wakw: a race of stone giants from Abenaki folklore; made of stones

2. Onocentaur: a bipedal centaur with its only two legs being donkey legs

3. Kee-Wakw: a giant part-human, part-animal cannibalistic forest dwelling creature; horns of a deer; covered in shaggy fur

4. Fish Man: an entity of Spanish folklore that looks pretty much just as expected

5. Bannik: a Slavic guardian spirit of bathhouses; he appears as a small, naked, long-bearded old man; he is covered in birch leaves (left over from bath brooms); he pours boiling water on intruders— or strangles them.

6. Psoglav: a Balkan mythological creature, described as having a human body with horse legs, a dog's head with iron teeth, and a single eye on the forehead; man eating— even going as far as digging up bodies to eat

7. Indus Worm: a giant, white, carnivorous worm, with a pair of large teeth; lived in the Indus River

8. Scorpion Man: a race of creatures similar in structure to the centaur— but swap horse parts for scorpion parts

9. Oozlum Bird: a spiritual bird that, when startled, flies around in decreasing circles, until it flies up its own backside— disappearing completely

10. Fachan: in Scottish folklore, described as having a single eye in the middle of its face, a single hand protruding from its chest instead of arms, and a single leg emerging from its central axis; it uses an iron spiked club to chase away anything that comes near it; it hates life, and will destroy entire farms in a single day

This took about 20 minutes.

One of my goals for this sprint is defining ten folklore creatures for the assault scenario, so this is good! I specifically chose a variety of creatures that won’t necessarily upstage Nøkken. I want the creatures to be recognizable, but not too easily.

Idea! Bena has a well or perhaps a large bath in her hovel— the Fish Man erupts from the water.

Later.

I was just working on the Spooky Horsey House map whitebox for like three hours— saving consistently— but it crashed again and the file upon reopening had none of the progress that I made. I feel really bad saying this, but I doubt Adam reads this blog— I’ve realized that I hate modeling. Like sculpting? Yeah, love it. But this recreating blocky shapes— first off from a map that I did not make the final version of— is arduous, challenging, and makes me want to slam my skull through the desk. And then it crashes, and removes all of the meager progress I’ve made. 

A main challenge is that this 3D visualization necessary to take this tiny map and make it a big 3D one— it’s not something that’s coming easily to me. I have to fly back to the foyer and view the entire map from that perspective— then fly over to where I’m building the next room, build it wrong because I lost that perspective, and have to rebuild over and over again.

I asked in the project Discord whether it’s possible to import the 2D map as a reference into the whiteboxing level— blow it up, and put it on the ground plane. That would help so much!

Even later.

I remember this scene from the first Fablehaven book where fairy tale creatures are assaulting the attic where the main characters sleep. I think that scene is a big inspiration for the hovel assault scenario. So, I got the book on my Kindle, and started rereading it. I hadn’t read it since I was a kid; I was surprised by how not-low the reading level it is. Like, it’s definitely a YA book, but it’s still pretty good. It holds up. (2 hours).

W. 10/9/2024

(2 hours)

I went to bed last night at like 2am (I was reading Fablehaven), and I woke up at 6:45am. 

During Studio, I worked on filling out the asset list, and finding references for each to put on the Miro. Adam said that he’s going to do the whiteboxing. I am eternally grateful.

Later.

I just spent an hour and a half trying to ZSphere my MC, Alice. I figured something out— but overall it was a frustrating waste of time; nothing to show. The thing I figured out is that I can change the mirror center through Transform —> Set Pivot Point. So even if the mesh isn’t in the center, I can make it the center, and do Mirror X Axis. 

The reason why it was a frustrating waste of time was that the spheres kept moving out of alignment— so I would have to re-align each of them; I also had to restart three or four times because something happened that I still don’t fully understand— but it messed up the mesh so badly that restarting was the only option. I really hate modeling. Once I get to the sculpting, I’m golden. But getting to that point is really quite awful. I would continue working on it, but it’s late, and I still have to do my Ultimate Self Confidence Mindvalley quest lesson for the day. I intend on getting up early— not as early as today— and working on my projects tomorrow with a clear head.

Loving. Judgment.

People say that true love is non-judgmental. I disagree. Love is not blindness. And I know that I have not loved much or many, but I have loved what can be loved: autotelicity. 

The act is the ends.

When you love someone or something without judgment, that is not love. That is mindlessness. That is the fear of the mob, staggering drunkenly in the darkness, reaching out— latching onto whatever moves. We cannot love what we cannot understand— not truly.

To love is to understand. 

To love is to judge.

Because judgment is not authoritarian. It does not have to be. But people— people so afraid of true thought— individual thought— people cannot fathom what they cannot fathom. And so, they don’t. 

Judgment is, in essence, hypocritical. We extoll “good judgment,” and we vilify “judgment.” It is cruel when the judge sentences a criminal to death. It is wise to not drink and drive. 

That is not the fault of judgment, itself. Judgment is not, in essence, hypocritical. We are.

We fear the free thinker. To be selfish is to— we think— not embrace the world and its peoples. To be selfless is to welcome all into our arms. 

But is that selflessness? To distance ourselves from the individual truths? 

It is languorous to love “the world.” That does not require effort, or bravery. It does not warrant the individual person. And we are individuals. Yes, we share some core values— dependent on the cultures of our raising. But to love is to understand. 

To be truly selfish is to put effort into understanding. And in that understanding, we grow closer to the subject. And that facilitates loving. 

To be selfish is to value the Self. 

It is the only way to be truly selfless. To value individualism.

How can we love a nameless entity?

I took an acting class in undergraduate study. The professor proclaimed “Do not judge your roles!” 

I took issue with that proclamation. I understood that Bill Starbuck was flawed. I read into his character. But in doing so, I empathized with him. And I played the role better. 

Judgment is not vice. Judgment is empathy. And empathy is the prerequisite for love.

Loving. Judgment. 

Blog Post #4: A New Angle

Th. 9/26/2024

(1 hour)

I started researching 2D animation in Blender. So far, I feel like I’ve wasted my time. I watched 46 of the 50 minutes of this video. I learned a bit about the navigation within 2D animation in Blender, but all he covered was frame-by-frame hand-drawn animation— which I still believe is not how modern animators do it. (I hope that I’m not wrong.)

I started this 3D animation tutorial series. It is using Blender, as well.

Sa. 9/28/2024

(2.5 hours)

I watched this video, Character Animation for impatient people, and got some good tips:

• Go to graph editor, select some points, and press Alt O (oh) to smooth movements.

• To save poses, select bones, press F3— search “Create Pose Asset”.

• “Pose to Pose” principle: focus on animating big, recognizable movements first, then go in after and add the smaller movements.

It also went over just general animation principles— not just for characters— indicating that I was partially right and wrong; animation still uses keyframes, but you can blend between poses, instead of literally having to create a new image for each frame.

This video (Ultimate Animation Workflow for Beginners) presents some steps to follow.

1. Golden Poses and Anticipation: “Golden poses” are the main beats; if the character is turning from the left to the right, the golden poses are the frames when he’s facing the left, and facing the right. More complex movements have more golden poses involved.

2. Breakdown #1: “Breakdowns” are the poses between golden poses.

1. Speed of movements is based on the number of frames on which each pose is held. Typically 2 frames, 3 frames, or 4 frames. Cartoony animations are snappier, and have fewer breakdowns.

2. Leading: Certain body parts lead specific movements.

3. Arcs: Blender will transition between poses in a straight line, but realistically, characters move more in arcs.

3. Breakdown #2

1. Some body part (not the previous leading part) trails behind. *Side note: he talks about the arc movements (versus linear movements), but he doesn’t really say how to change from linear to arc. I’ve rewatched the video, but he really doesn’t. Something that I’ll need to research externally.

4. Mid-Point Pose: between Breakdown #1 and #2

1. Lead and drag continuation

2. Arcs

5. Ease In + Ease Out

1. Spacing: the art of inbetweening Timing Charts

1. Progressive (not linear): the more you get away from a specific pose, the timing gaps are bigger; the closer you get to the next pose, the gaps are narrower.

6. The Moving Hold: a slight drift while holding a pose (not completely static)

FFXVI (about an hour)

I unlocked this feature that lets me charge up a fiery sword strike. It’s interesting— this concept of delayed gratification. You could easily go just mashing X over and over, but variety is the spice of life, so a good game developer will account for customizable options that are worth it. 

I’ve had an idea for Pareidolia: Unbound rattling around within my skull for a couple weeks. After being freed from the Hanging Grove, after meeting the Pumpkin King and learning alla prima, you follow Mason’s keen serpentine senses to a hovel belonging to the witch, Bena. (I still think this is manageable for the vertical slice, but what do I know.) My idea is the focus for the demo, where you meet the witch, who is baking a baby in an oven and proofing her hovel against intruders. The idea is that you have to defend the hovel with her when night falls against a horde of varied enemies, finishing with a giant troll (need to pick a suitable fairy tale creature) tearing off the roof. You fight off the enemies, and rush through the abode pouring salt over window sills and such. The weaker enemies equate to an increase in Inspiration [Points] (with their slaying), which you then use against the troll to dis-integrate it.

Su. 9/29/2024

(3.5 hours)

I started this tutorial series on 3D animation in Blender. I’m about half an hour in at this point. I started at the very beginning, even though I have a little bit of experience in Blender from that community college course I took a couple years ago— I figured there’d be a lot of overlap, but that I might still learn some stuff. So far, it’s mostly navigation instructions, but the instructor went over menus specifically geared towards animation that I’d never used before. 

I’m thinking that I want to try and record myself doing the motions of a few evasion and attack animations for Pareidolia: Unbound. I’m thinking about doing that tomorrow, then working on transferring it via free mocap software into a digital animation. I want to have something to show— something that I’ve created— for my Sprint this week. I am hesitant to not make something indicative of my learnings, for fear of it not appearing as though I’ve progressed along this path.

Oh that reminds me! I need to update my Milestones.

I just worked on the GDD for about an hour. I revised the characters to be seen, as well as the premise, and started on writing a prose script of the vertical slice. Basically, I had this idea— shown above— of defending this witch’s abode from an onslaught of fairy Folk, finishing with a troll tearing the roof off, and biting Bena, the witch, in half. I defined the troll— from Norwegian folklore, there is a shapeshifting troll that transforms into a white horse and carries unsuspecting travelers to their watery deaths, His name is Nøkken. (Nøkken becomes an ally of Alice after being defeated, and grants the Boon of Passage— he will transform into his white horse form and carry Alice long distances— either three or seven times.)

---

Opening Cinematic

A grove of apple trees growing wild in the ruins of a courtyard. We see close-up shots of branches creaking in the wind, and apples swaying from their stems. A gust rushes through the ruins, and we watch an apple blown off its branch, thudding into the overgrown cobbles, before rolling to a stop. We watch it for a moment or two, sitting static, then a snake slithers into view by it. The snake is made of red stone, and is segmented. The end of its tail— the last eight inches or so— is stiff and immobile. Faded runes are carved along the snake’s length. We watch it from close-up as it slithers to the base of an apple tree, and starts winding up the trunk. 

As soon as the branches come into view, there’s a flash of lightning, flaring across the screen, before disappearing, and leaving the courtyard— which had been lit by daylight— in the dark of night. And as soon as that change occurs, hanging figures appear strung up from the branches of the trees. Coarse ropes bind their wrists, from which they are hanging. Each figure is unmoving, except for the movement of the trees, and each has a coarse sack over their heads. 

The snake slithers along the branches, and, with a decisive movement, slices the bonds suspending one figure. He crashes to the overgrown cobbles, limp as a ragdoll. From a distant shot, we see the scene as the figure stands shakily up, and removes the sack from his head. 

We see a lanky, almost emaciated human man, wearing WWI-era breeches; his right arm is encased in a red stone sheath of sorts, carved into shapes reminiscent of gothic churches. He is shirtless, except for a leather harness over his chest, embossed with a large brass “A”. 

Gameplay Commences

Alice is walking through the swemp, ducking under branches and vines, swatting away bloodsucking pixies. He is adorned the same as in the opening cinematic, with one change. He has a brilliant red scarf that leads seamlessly into a loose red hood. The snake, who must have been introduced to the MC, as he is calling it by a name— Masinry— is speaking, coiling through the air surrounding Alice’s stone right arm.

“Follow that scent! Smells delectable... you must be famished, ain’t ya— who knows how long you were hangin’ there.”

Visible scent distortions guide the pair to a three-story ramshackle hovel. It has stained glass lanterns— most cracked— hanging from numerous hooks around it, and nailed to the ironbound door is a goat skull and, below it, a dead serpent coiled in an “S”. 

“Go on! Knock— I don’t got hands!”

Alice steps hesitantly up the steps to the door. As he passes the edge of the porch, a careless step brushes through a line of salt, which— when he looks down— appears to have been circling the abode. 

“Don’t mind that— if ya ain’t famished, I certainly am!”

Alice knocks on the door, causing it to creak, and the dead snake wags limply.

From inside, a voice screeches in surprise, followed by the sound of heavy boots thumping on weak floorboards towards the door. There’s the sound of multiple deadbolts being drawn back, then a creeeak, as the door swings open. Standing in the doorway is a striking old woman.

She is bent with age, and must’ve been tall in youth— but now her stature is diminished. Her skin is wrinkled, with faint brown symbols seemingly tattooed onto all of it. She is wearing a leather apron covered in flour, along with a dirty gray shawl— from which are protruding two goat horns. She is wearing a blindfold stained with some black fluid— as if her empty eye sockets are oozing ink, instead of blood. She is wearing heavy, iron-shod boots, and has numerous iron bracelets encircling her bony arms. Where the metal touches her skin are raised burn marks; they do not appear to be fresh.

---

I really want this slice to feel cinematic, and I think I got a potent description of the shots to be animated.  

I defined why the abode is being assaulted. Rook is the curse-child of Briar Rose and the prince— who was stolen by the 13th Fairy, Pestis, who cursed Briar Rose. Rook became a child of the Court of Whim, until he was stolen by Bena, to be baked into a loaf of bread, to be eaten, to restore her sight. So, the Court of Whim is assaulting the hovel to bring him back.

I think we’ll end the vertical slice with the upgrade HUD appearing, as Rook tattoos the tale of what just happened onto Alice’s exposed skin. As he tattoos, the player can upgrade certain attributes of the MC. I’m picturing it as the tattoo scene happening on the right side of the screen, and the stat upgrade HUD on the left. 

I’m going to watch more animation tutorials, but I just had an idea! In the living room of Bena’s hovel are a number of story books. One is open, and has pages wrinkled and stained with inky fingerprints. The illumination depicts someone who looks just like Alice currently does, with a red snake twirling above his head. The passage legible describes the “hero’s tragic and impotent struggle against the bonds of mortality.”

---

“I” inserts keyframe menu.

After designing a new keyframe, press “I” to make it official, choosing rotation, location, and/or scale.

Auto-keyframing removes this necessity.

“G” moves keyframes, too.

Clicking the stopwatch icon by the keyframe start/end notation makes it possible to edit only select parts of the timeline.

(Another 20 minutes watching 3D animation tutorials.)

---

I just played FFXVI for another hour. It’s odd, because I typically haven’t really liked playing video games before— but I am enjoying this one. I started playing more games because that’s one part of my education; I didn’t expect to actually enjoy it. And I haven’t enjoyed every game that I’ve played recently. For Honor has a pretty droll campaign. (I know it’s more of a multiplayer game, but still.) It’s also interesting how much I’ve turned to liking 3rd person action games. Not entirely surprising— most of my gaming as a child was on the Wii, and that was primarily 3rd person. But I do know that I should play outside of this genre. In the near future, I’d like to play a more casual game, and a sidescroller. For the casual game, there’s this Early Access witch apprentice game, Reka, that looks intriguing. It seems like Hogwarts Legacy, but less grand and no combat. For the sidescroller, I’ve been interested in The Last Faith for a long time. It’s like a sidescrolling Bloodborne. One of my favorite games as a child was actually on my Blackberry phone— it was a sidescrolling Batman game. The Last Faith seems much more complex than that. Maybe it’ll ease me into soulslikes.

M. 9/30/2024

(2.5 hours)

I worked on the worldbuilding/plot of the vertical slice more today. I’m using the worldbuilding project for my Literary Development of Virtual Worlds course as an opportunity to build upon this project. This week, the assignment is culture. It’s a tough assignment— for my project, specifically. In the Epilogue, there are humans, and there are Folk (fairy tale creatures). Fairy tales are, obviously, super varied, and they don’t have a unified culture. So I’m choosing to focus on key characters present in the vertical slice. I have to have four sets of attire for the assignment, so I’m doing four characters: Bena the witch, Masinry the stone snake whip, Rook the binder faerie curse-child, and Nøkken the Norwegian troll. 

---

I need to redefine my remaining milestones. Let’s do that now. I’ll write them here, as well as making new physical notes taped to the wall above my desk.

Milestone #2: October 2nd, 2024

What it was: Continue learning Unreal Engine; start filling in GDD for the end project.

What it now is: Continue filling in GDD; make character profiles for key characters; start learning animation. 

Milestone #3: October 16th, 2024

What it was: Start working on the greybox prototype; continue completing GDD.

What it now is: Start work on art bible; model MC body + prosthetic stone arm; record mocap (even jank self-done) for an evasion move, whip swing, and idle close-up; make a list of ten fairy tale creatures for the assault scenario.

Milestone #4: October 30th, 2024

What it was: Continue work on the greybox prototype; start work on developing the alla prima mechanic.

What it now is: Continue work on art bible; learn Marvelous Designer + model MC’s clothing; animate the three mocap movements; find references for the Hovel abode.

Milestone #5: November 13th, 2024

What it was: Finish GDD (including base script for vertical slice); finish basic development of the alla prima mechanic; finish the greybox prototype.

What it now is: Write script for vertical slice; map out the three floors and basement of the Hovel; focus art bible work on key characters to be seen; make another list of ten fairy tale creatures for the assault (total twenty).

—

I really want to focus on learning animation— especially based on video references/mocap— as well as focus on character modeling. I’m going to stick to just modeling the MC— because I don’t think I’ll have time to do more, and because his design has organic, cloth, and artificial materials— so I think learning to do all of that will be beneficial for future character designs. 

Short pitch.

For the rest of the semester, I will be developing the plot and characters, art bible, and MC character model and animation for the vertical slice of Pareidolia: Unbound— the studio project that I will lead next year.

—

*One small thing. I know how to rig joints, but I don’t know how to rig facial features. I think I could get by without doing that this semester, but I would like to animate an idle animation— and having some facial expression change would really bring something extra to that. 

—

I’m going to go to Amanda’s office hours again tomorrow, and show her these updated milestones. I’ll make any suggested changes, then make the physical notes to put over my desk.

---

From the culture assignment.

Fictional Race: The Folk

The Folk are the race of fairy tale creatures inhabiting the Epilogue of Ettingrad. They live in the Outer Circle— commonly known as the Wyrdwoods. They are composed of all of humanity’s [public domain] fairy tale creatures. As such, they are as varied as is possible. There are Folk of similar origins— even the same origins, such as the pixies— resulting in multiples of the same kind of Folk, but mostly, the Folk are a race of wildly different individuals. 

As such, defining a central culture for them is challenging. I will define a number of cultures of various individuals and “Courts” (localized governed societies). I will do so for a varied group of individuals of differing social standings. 

I will start with Folk directly related to the project— as in, Folk that will appear in the game that I will run next year.

Bena the Witch.

An outcast of the Court of Whim.

She is bent with age, and must’ve been tall in youth— but now her stature is diminished. Her skin is wrinkled, with faint brown symbols seemingly tattooed onto all of it. She is wearing a leather apron covered in flour, along with a dirty gray shawl— from which are protruding two goat horns. She is wearing a blindfold stained with some black fluid— as if her empty eye sockets are oozing ink, instead of blood. She is wearing heavy, iron-shod boots, and has numerous iron bracelets encircling her bony arms. Where the metal touches her skin are raised burn marks; they do not appear to be fresh. 

Attire. A cloth-sack dress of indeterminate color; a dirty gray shawl; iron jewelry; a stained blindfold. She was outcast from her court, the Court of Whim, for devouring fellow members, to gain their power. As an outcast, she has limited access to materials and resources; most of her possessions are ancient, broken, or patinated. She was outcast with only a sack of potatoes; she must’ve repurposed it into clothing. Her iron jewelry is both a curse and protection. A curse, because she still is faerie, and iron burns her skin on contact. Protection, because her enemies are mostly also faerie, and therefore she is warded against them. She must have acquired it from non-faerie Folk or humans. Her blindfold obscures her empty eye sockets. They are empty and dripping ink as a withdrawal symptom of not having consistent access to Folk to feast upon. Folk are made up of literature, so she is a representation of ruined literature.

Gender. Folk can come in any gender imaginable... to folktale writers within the public domain. So that limits it. Bena is a witch. Witches, in this setting, are all female.

Relationships. 

Love. When she was an accredited member of the Court of Whim, she had many a romantic tryst with powerful Folk. The most notable was with the legendary wizard Merl. As a witch, she was incapable of bearing children— except curse-children— children born of individuals she cursed. Perhaps that is why she sought out Rook— the curse-child of Briar Rose. Not her curse-child, but a curse-child still. 

Young. Bena had a carnivorous attitude towards the youths. As her infamy grew, parents and wardens of the Folk’s youths warned their offspring to avoid her neck of the Wyrdwoods. She did have an apprentice— a “witchling” named Maro. I encountered Maro after leaving the ruins of the hovel. She had been bringing jugs of Ether back from Bruise Lake. She did not seem that distressed when I informed her of her patron’s demise.

Outsiders. Bena seemed hospitable towards me when I appeared on her doorstep. Perhaps it was a guise, masking latent underlying cannibalistic tendencies; perhaps she meant to set me at ease. But, despite her harrowing appearance, she was a fine host... at least, until the attack. She seemed cut off from her people— which she was— and more welcoming of outsiders than her own kin. 

Education. Her hovel was full of books. While she only had one apprentice at the time, she seemed as if— at one point in the past— she was capable of educating a full school. Of course, when I was there (before the attack), most of the books’ pages were wrinkled and ink stained. She couldn’t see, see? She did seem intent on keeping me from her literary resources. It must’ve been the taboo against teaching men. Most of the books— as well as the faded brown ink on all of her exposed skin— were written in some kind of Romance language. 

Masinry the Snake.

A crucifix of Sadism.

He is a segmented red stone snake. He instructed me to wield him by the end of his tail, which is not segmented. Along his length are engraved fine details— passages of words in a runic language, as well as illuminations— images of the scenes told, supposedly. 

Attire. As a crucifix (whatever that means), he is composed of stone, and as a snake, he is incapable of wearing clothing. He did mention that others of his kind come in other forms— some humanoid, and therefore, capable of wearing clothes. He said that they tend to wear shades of red— uniformity with the color of the stone. Speaking of, my right arm is red stone. Am I a crucifix?

Gender. I refer to him as male, but he is stone. He said that crucifix creation is a dead art; no more are being made. And they must be made. I’m not sure whether he chose his name, or if it was placed upon him by someone else, but it seems a bit pointed. 

Relationships. 

Family. Well, not a biological family. More of a found family. He first guided me to the grotto of Obe, the King of Vines. That sentient jack o’ lantern seemed to have earned Masinry’s trust. The snake seemed quite content and loyal in the grotto. And it was Obe who instructed me in how to wield the snake as a conduit of the art known as alla prima. Masinry also seemed to know quite a few of the rocks and boulders that we passed. He called out to them. They did not call back.

Old. In the Hanging Grove, there was a red stone altar near the back of the overgrown courtyard. Masinry was intent on leading me to it. There were words— runes— engraved upon its surface— but they had faded, eroded, and crumbled. Will that happen to him, some day?

Outsiders. He didn’t seem off put by my presence— and I certainly am the oddest of strangers. I don’t know how long he had been slithering through the Wyrdwoods, but he seems capable and confident. We were attacked, several times, but he always told me the best way to deal with the various hostile creatures. He kept referring to me as the “Chosen.” I am certain that I do not know what he means.

Language. Upon hesitant questioning, Masinry disclosed that the language engraved along his stone length was known as “Old Runic.” It was the precursor to the Common-Tongue— which is what we’re speaking, and what I’m writing this in. He was uncharacteristically quiet when I inquired further. “Look I don’t know much,” he admitted. “But they’ve been there for as long as I’ve been, ya know, cognizant.” I found a book in Bena’s hovel— before the assault— in the same language. Masinry was able to translate some of it for me. It was about a coven— an “Unholy Trinity”— of witches who dealt with stone dust from “The Age of Sacrifice.” What that was about, I am uncertain; we were attacked by a drop bear shortly after beginning translation. But Old Runic is a runic alphabet, based phonetically, and it shares many similarities with the Common-Tongue— just more archaic. I wonder who engraved the runes along the snake, wrote the book, and crafted my arm.

Rook the Binder Faerie.

A curse-child.

Rook is the curse-child that we recovered from Bena’s oven. He is the size of a young toddler, with an infant’s body, the head of a crow, and crow wings for arms, ending in simeon hands. When we retrieved him, he was wrapped in iron chains. Nøkken, as well as the other Court of Whim denizens, couldn’t touch him. It was my task to unbind him. It did not lift Bena’s iron-curse, though. So, I was instructed to take him with me. 

Attire. Rook is naked, except for a white loincloth.

Gender. Faeries have a unique relationship with gender. They can change their own at will, but most maintain a “mask”— their current preferred form— for the most part. Rook is currently male, and is branded with a Taboo of Age— keeping him a child.

Relationships.

Family. Rook had been raised as the son of Briar Rose, but he recounts that time almost as if it were a dream. When he was stolen away by the 13th Faerie, that is when he remembers waking up from that previous delirium. His new mother, the faerie known as Pestis, raised him as a lordling in the Court of Whim. He was eager to return to her, but the iron-curse would not allow him to be carried by the present Folk, and his feeble form would not survive the trek back alone. In the Court, he apparently had many “siblings.” That court (I am uncertain as to whether it is the same in all courts) is as a giant family, all living together within the verdant walls, bound by shared experiences.

Race. As a curse-child, Rook is part human? Unsure. Briar Rose lives in this Epilogue— and she is one of the Folk, but is in human form. She may not be truthfully human. Either Rook is insecure about this mixed blood, or is so at ease with it as to account for his cavalier attitude about it. He regularly screeches jokes about it— frequently screaming, “I’m an abomination!” or “What am I? No idea, kid!”

Gender. Faerie, as I have stated, can alter their gender at will. Rook does not do this. There’s no Taboo on him restricting his shapeshifting— at least where it concerns gender— but he retains his tiny, chubby male body. I am uncertain if I could tactfully ask about this. He doesn’t joke about it— which could mean anything, truly— but perhaps the constant flux and change around him inspired him to keep a static form; stability from within. 

Art. Shortly after retrieving him from Bena’s oven, Rook manifested a thread, needle, and pot of ink— asking if I would like a tattoo. It seemed rude to refuse, and I have ample visible skin, so I allowed it. He was not gentle. I bled, but it was a gaudy orange liquid mixing with the black ink. His work was skillful, though. As he toiled, I recounted how I came to find him. As I spoke, he transcribed the tale on my skin in elaborate script and bold images.

Nøkken.

A giant.

Nøkken is a giant, thirty feet tall. I saw him for the first time as he was ripping the roof off of the hovel, grabbing Bena around the middle, and biting her in half. He was humanoid in shape, but had equine ears and short white fur covering his body. His white hair flowed as a mane from his low forehead down his back. Instead of feet, he had hooves. He had tusks protruding from his thin-lipped mouth, and icy green eyes— like a lake in winter. 

Attire. Nøkken wore a giant suit of black enamel plate armor. From it, from hooks pierced through— cracking some of the enamel— dangled thick coppery-green chains. Upon close inspection of his corpse, I noticed that the chains— caked with algae— nonetheless were clearly engraved with hundreds and hundreds of names. At the joint of where his left armored arm met the shoulder, there was a red stone disk engraved with the face of a screaming demon. Masinry instructed me to take it. It is just big enough to serve as a shield. 

Gender. Nøkken was a giant. Specifically, he was a faerie giant. Upon his defeat I used the snake to slice off the end of one of his tusks. It was hollow inside, and was easily converted into a horn. After leaving the ruins of the Hovel, after encountering Maro on her way back, we came across an impassable ravine. The snake instructed me to blow the horn. Immediately, I felt the rush of a thousand winds at my back; I heard the whinnying of a horse; I was carried over the gorge, accompanied by the sounds of cracking hoofbeats. Nøkken was a shapeshifter. Even for faeries, true shapeshifters are uncommon. It seems that the giant had the power to transform into a horse, and I gained the ability to summon him when the path proves impassable. He appeared male, and Rook referred to him as such, but his chimaeric nature offers an interesting question. If he could shapechange into a horse, was his shapeshifting limited to that? Was he like most faeries— fluid in biology? Could he have changed his sex? I almost regret slaying him. However, he was trying to eat me.

Relationships. 

Family. Like Rook, Nøkken was of the Court of Whim. He had a similar family situation— a found family. Rook told us over the crackling of a bonfire many nights after that Nøkken had had a giant family ages ago, but that they had all been slaughtered by human raiders. I have learned during my growing days in this realm that giants are more than brutes; they are powerful mages. Folk magic is a treasured secret, and even more so for giants. Folk magic can be taught; it can also be restricted. Giant families are, therefore, strict and clinical in nature.

Old. There exists a world of spirits in the Epilogue. They are Folk, yes, but differ in their interactions with the material plane. During a séance held in the Mycomancer Lair, I offered condolences to Nøkken’s spirit. He didn’t answer, but a handful of looming pillars of smoke and shadow pressed in on me. I froze, but the sound of sibilant voices carried on the wind. As the smoke was blown away, I was left with the message, “He’s with his family now.” 

Outsiders. Rook disclosed to me that Nøkken had the unfortunate tendency to lure travelers onto his equine back, and carry them to their deaths in the watery depths. So, obviously not a fan of outsiders. Learning of his family’s deaths, I sympathize with him, to an extent. 

Education. From what I have pieced together from literal scraps of literature scrounged, looted, and conjured along my travels here, giant kind has a strict academic culture. Typically inhabiting caves and tunnels carved into the litterae terrae— to ward off the sense of towering over the trees— giantlings were brought up learning a special amalgamation of Folk and human knowledge. They were taught survival skills, court etiquette, and morals— but also sciences, arts, and critical thinking skills. Giants have short lives— usually less than 70 years— and remain with their cloistered families, devouring (sometimes literally) information. I’ve only come across one hand-scrawled account of it occurring, but when great injustice is brought into the world, giant kind will rise from their self-imposed isolation, weighing in with their potent magicks to sway the tides. 

---

Later.

I played The Last Faith for half an hour. I chose the Stargazer class (the mage), and had a tough time. I could not beat the first boss, and my low wizard health did not help. It is a sidescroller— a Metroidvania— and I know— despite my tough time— that it was a good idea to start playing it, because now I’m picturing Pareidolia: Unbound simultaneously as a 3rd person 3D game and as a sidescroller. It also brings questions to my mind— such as how did they animate the characters— especially the MC? He has dynamic shadows cast from his complex combat animations— it makes me wonder if they really modeled him in 3D, and just made it look two-dimensional.

—

It’s almost tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will do the following tasks to further this seminar project. My Milestone #2 is the following day, and I’ve 1) started learning how to animate, in both 2D and 3D, and 2) done quite a bit in expanding my GDD. So, to fulfill my prospective Milestone qualifications, I just need to flesh out the main characters more. I did quite a bit for my worldbuilding project— pasted above earlier today— in writing about them; I think I just want to do some really basic sketches of them— just one each?

Of course, I will also be going to Amanda’s office hours to go over my new prospective Milestones. So that might change things. I have a lot to do tomorrow; tomorrow is a big day. I am going to journal, meditate, then go to bed. I will be getting up at 7am, per usual.

T. 10/1/2024

(1.75 hours)

I did not go to Office Hours, tragically. I slept until 3pm— which doesn’t feel great.

I just spent the past hour and a half doing these little sketches of the four NPC MCs.

I tried to do four different styles— mostly just to amuse myself. Left-to-right, we have: Bena the witch; Masinry the crucifix; Rook the curse-child; Nøkken the troll.

I sent my updated prospective Milestones to Amanda— but that was past 5pm when I did, so I’m not expecting a response until tomorrow— which is my Sprint #2.

And then compiling this into a blog post.

---

I don’t intend on sleeping tonight. I still need to do my slides for my Seminar presentation tomorrow, as well as the slides for Studio sprint (tomorrow, as well). Before I do my slides for Studio, I need to make more progress in whiteboxing the library. I’m planning/hoping to complete the whiteboxing for the entire first section.

I bought snacks to bring to Studio tomorrow: almonds (that were on the clearance shelf), trail mix (with cranberries and dark chocolate), more lemon zest Luna Bars, a blueberry muffin-flavored Larabar, and I have pineapple juice to bring, as well.

Hopefully I’m not making a mistake by not sleeping. We shall see!

I had an idea about reframing my sleeping dysfunction. I mean, obviously, it started with depression— which sucks and couldn’t have really been avoided. But now, I’m doing much better. And I’ve noticed that when I sleep so late, I wake up multiple times and fall back asleep— even after seeing the progressing time. I seem to have this mindset that the more I sleep, the more I just admit defeat— causing me to sleep more. Maybe it would be beneficial to reframe this into not “sleeping as much as doesn’t directly negatively impact me in an irreversible way,” to instead

“I sleep just as much as is necessary— no more (and sometimes less).”

Because sleep is not simply about hours. It’s about cycles. I can sleep three hours and do better the following day than if I slept seven hours. The completion of REM cycles— and at what point in a given cycle that I wake up— matters more than just time elapsed.

I’m going to look into this in the following ways: 1) I’m going to check on Mindvalley (because I still have a subscription until February) and see if there’s a quest on sleep; 2) I’m going to look on Spotify and YouTube for sleep health guided meditations (and possibly hypnoses?); 3) If I cannot find something like either of those, I’m going to write a script and record myself reading it in my most inspirational, resonant voice— add some instrumentals/frequencies in the background— and listen to it as a custom guided meditation.

Because I truly do need to fix this.

Blog post #3: Ah No, Not Quite

M. 9/23/2024

(4 hours)

I watched this tutorial on rigging in Blender. I forget who said it during my Sprint presentation— it might have been Amanda— but someone said that to help my workflow and the achievement of my alla prima vision, I should make an animation demo in Blender of what the mechanic should look like— and leave the actual programming to a programmer. So I’m modifying my end milestone (have a functioning alla prima mechanic) to now be: Have a short animation of what alla prima looks like.

I don’t know how to animate. In fact, I know so little about animation that I assume it’s composed of either one of two options: 1) mocap; 2) it’s still that animators draw each individual frame and stick them together Steamboat Willie-style. Rationally, I know that that can’t be the case— because it’s not 1920 anymore. 

So I must learn to animate!

I can think of three aspects to this specific vision that will be necessary to become proficient with:

1. Make the MC as a 3D model, and rig him.

2. Animate the attack pattern.

3. Create the refraction special fx for the weapon trail.

As someone also pointed out, I should still learn a decent amount about blueprints and programming in UE5— so that I can relay basically what this effect will take.

I just found this really short tutorial on adding reference images to ZBrush. I have the front view of the MC, Alice, and the side view of the reference that I used for that drawing. I should be able to model the body (duh) and the gorget in ZBrush; the gothic-church-arm will probably be best done in Blender. For the pants, Marvelous? I know nothing about that, so that should be a side focus, as well— learning it.

I just spent the past two hours making the image below. It took so long because I was trying to save time by symmetrizing it; it literally deleted my work, so I had to start over— and then, I was still trying other methods of symmetry, but I had to keep fiddling with the settings.

Now I’m upset and tired of looking at frustrating models (I spent literally 13 hours yesterday making and remaking the Food assignment for Organic Modeling— similarly, it crashed and deleted my almost finished project, and I had to stay up until 4:30am trying to finish it. I did not.). I can’t wait until I can start sculpting; modeling is frustrating and difficult to me, but sculpting is intuitive and effortless. 

I’m going to drink a bunch of Himalayan pink salt water (for electrolytes while I fast) and play FFXVI— it finished downloading while I toiled.

Later.

I had to clear a bunch of space on my computer, so that I could update my graphics card driver, so that I could play FFXVI. But I got there.

The first hour or so of the game was primarily cutscenes. But I dug it. It really expanded upon the key characters (at least, the current key characters). For Pareidolia: Unbound, I think there should be cinematics like this. So I need a good animator, voice actors (I’ll do a bunch, but not all), mocap, cinematographer. I’m going to Amanda’s office hours tomorrow to discuss the shift in my gameplan for this seminar project— going from a playable demo of the alla prima mechanic, to an animation of it. Still learning basic coding and UE5, but primarily working on that visual demonstration. 

I need some guidance on how to approach this angle.

T. 9/24/2024

Even later.

I gotta be honest. I haven’t done a lot of work for this much this past week. For two reasons.

1. I’ve been struggling in my Organic Modeling class. I spent 13 hours Sunday night trying to finish the assignment due Monday morning, and I still haven’t finished it. Before that, I was experimenting with designing a custom alpha, and— well, that is largely irrelevant; I am not angling my OM assignments towards this project, like I am with my worldbuilding class. (I just finished that assignment that I’m behind on. Well, I sent Ezra pictures of it before I submit it.)

2. I was honestly a bit discouraged by Shivansh’s advice to take some big steps backwards. I know that it’s irrational; by learning basic UE5 stuff, I would be making better progress— instead of what I was doing: following project-specific tutorials and being unable to troubleshoot or create beyond those tutorials. But working directly on aspects of my project— no matter how inefficient— felt like an adventure. It felt driven. Watching five-hour UE5 introductory UE5 tutorials feels like all of the worst parts of traditional education systems— like I’m learning so much that doesn’t directly benefit me. Which is, as I said, irrational. But it’s how I’ve been feeling, and it’s affected my drive to learn-and-create towards this end goal.

Even later (but reflecting on Amanda’s office hours).

I explained my thoughts on the animation alternative for the end goal for this year’s Seminar project. I’m very tired, and am having trouble remembering exactly, but she agreed. Ultimately, though, she asked me a question: Am I more excited right now learning animation (and working on the GDD), or learning Unreal? Because, as she stated, I’ll have to do both. It’s just deciding which I do this semester, and which I do next semester. I said animation.

I suggested animating the MC swinging the whip in 3D, and the environment superimposed beyond that in 2D— including the paint smear. (On a new thought extrapolating beyond that, would I need to animate a resulting 3D environment alteration— and consequently, interacting with it— in 2D or 3D?)

I regret having so little to show this week. I told my Studio lead that I still had to write this post after finishing the OM model— and that I have little to report— and he said to just not do the blog post this week— that it shows more integrity to not write about little progress than to do the opposite. I’m still not sure whether to include that tidbit.

oh also!

I started exercising— pretty much for the first time since I moved here (a little over a month ago). I went to a Ninja Warrior gym nearby! I plan on going multiple times a week. It was very fun, very tiring, and I could barely move my arms after. I feel this is relevant to include, because all of the sitting I’ve been doing for this graduate program definitely needs to be offset with some physical activity. For, as Ezra said, a “healthy work/life balance.”