002: Building Discipline

*This is an article that I wrote way back in high school— back before this website became a source of D&D 5e homebrew material. Back then, it was all about personal development.

The practice of discipline is by no means simple, but with the proper insight, it can be developed easily enough.

As with all lifestyle practices, the key to developing discipline can be found in sustainable and effective actions. There are four main fronts from which I have approached this in my own life: Awareness, the Willpower Model, Habit Formation, and the Four Tendencies towards Expectations. 

Awareness

If you change your limiting beliefs, your life will change. Awareness is the cutting edge of belief systems; the guiding light that will direct all of your actions. What you pay attention to, what you put effort into, changes. It’s a rule of life. In my life, awareness has become the go-to first response for enacting rapid and satisfying results. For discipline then, what we will be focusing on is raising our standards. It’s simple. It doesn’t require anything special, no Jedi mind training, just attention. Decide to change. Cut out any possibility towards stagnation.

That’s what “decide” means. It’s not a preference. It’s not “I would like to develop more discipline, but I’m not going to make any drastic changes or be disappointed if it doesn’t happen”. If you decide, it will happen. You will keep carrying this in your head until it does. Under this lens, attention can be the strongest tool in your arsenal. 

The Willpower Model: Ego Depletion vs Mind Training

There are two seemingly-opposite standpoints on willpower. Until recently, willpower (and thus, discipline) was viewed as an exercise. Like a muscle, willpower was believed to grow with consistent resistance. However, recent studies show that an alternate model could be more accurate: the Ego Depletion Model. 

In this model, willpower can be imagined as a battery.

From the start of the day it’s full. As life progresses, when you look for your keys or solve a puzzle or try to resist eating a third cookie, the battery drains. Then when a challenge occurs, it is more difficult to concentrate, to maintain emotional composure, and to make good decisions. The same can happen when you’re sick. People often see that their good habits go down the drain when a cold hits, and that’s because of ego depletion. 

These two models are completely opposite from each other. Naturally, how could training systems such as organized athletics or meditation build discipline when studies show that they are draining on the human consciousness?

In my experience, they aren’t. To a reasonable limit. 

From my life and limited research, it is possible to build willpower and discipline while expanding precious mental resources.

The key is balance. Instead of training by forcing yourself to abstain from your favorite guilty pleasure, start with small decisions that, while difficult, are on a much different, lower level. 

My primary resource on this topic is Improvement Pill’s video which can be found here. 

Habit Formation Exercise

Let’s imagine that you are suffering from a lack of discipline in one or more areas of your life. It could be social media use, smoking, drinking, overeating; anything at all that flows beyond your moral limits. You want to change, but it seems impossible because the thing you’re expending energy on not doing is the same thing you do when you’re tired.

That’s why we lower the stakes. 

If you want to build discipline, define an activity that occurs frequently (at least 3 times per day) that is mildly indulgent. For me, I have three main things that relate to my phone: 1) writing down ideas, 2) checking email, and 3) checking social media. So in this example, when I get an idea and want to write it in my notes app, I decide “No, I’m not going to do that.” When I think I should check my email because something is so pressing it cannot wait, I decide “No, that can wait. I’m not going to do that.” When I want to check my social media, even if I have a supremely interesting notification, “No, I’m not going to do that.”

These are exercises that practice willpower but are so minimal that any ego depletion gets covered in the next snack, sweet jam, or is even completely unnoticed.

It starts the momentum so that when a stronger impulse strikes, you are already used to being strong.

Keep doing the exercises. Don’t expect them to eliminate any self-indulgent behavior. The worst thing you can do in this situation is to believe that a less-than-extraordinary transformation means that your lack of discipline is pervasive to all areas of your life. You are a full, rounded-out character. Your life has indulgences. That’s natural. Practice discipline but don’t be overly-disappointed if you don’t gain the ability to lift rocks with your mind. 

The Four Tendencies

Gretchen Rubin is the author of Better than Before and recently came out with her new book The Four Tendencies. She has been a guest on both of my highest-respected podcasts (The Tim Ferriss Show & The Tony Robbins Podcast) and has a huge role in the field of happiness (her podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin, can be found here). 

Gretchen has this quiz that sorts you into one-of-four groups of people: Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, or Rebel. All of these are related to how you respond to expectations, both internal and external. How this applies to discipline becomes clear if you take the quiz (it can be found here), and I’ll do a run-down of the four tendencies, as well.

Upholder: This is my Tendency. It is the second rarest, behind Rebel, and what it means is that people like me have little trouble upholding expectations from themselves or others. The majority of the personal development work I do is designed for my life by myself. I work best in an organized, set workspace, and along with the knowledge of my personality type (ENTJ-A) detailed lists and structure are beneficial for my productivity. The Strategy of Scheduling is most important for Upholders.

Obliger: You are able to complete tasks with reminders and supervision but struggle to maintain that workflow without outer expectations. To keep up on your exercises and develop discipline, recruit others to remind you or join in the exercise. The Strategy of Accountability is vital for Obligers.

Questioner: You’ll do something, but only if you understand why it should be done. It can be difficult to find this kind of clarity, especially in the pursuit of something as abstract as discipline. For Questioners in this sense, take the time to develop your clear purpose about why this is important to you. It will only hold as much weight as you define it with. The Strategy of Clarity is most important for Questioners.

Rebel: This is the least common Tendency. Rebels act in ways that express their identities. Most strategies that work well for other Tendencies (such as Accountability) backfire for Rebels. The most important thing for you to do is to define your ideal lifestyle and the habits that are present therein. The Strategy of Identity is key, followed by Clarity. As long as you understand that you are working on your own purpose, no one can stop you.

The complete list of Strategies can be found here.

The last thing that Gretchen offers on this topic specifically is how each Tendency relates to moderation vs. abstinence. While defining your discipline exercises and habits, it is vital to understand that it might be best to stop using certain rewards altogether. As an Upholder, I find that it is much easier to completely abstain from something than exercise moderation. Each Tendency is different, but the lesson remains the same: knowledge is key; your best life is on the other side.

Best of luck. If you have any questions or comments regarding this topic, feel free to hit me up at mkb@findingmason.com.